The skies opened up after lunch yesterday canceling me and Rosa's grand plans for the day. Great crashing booms lumbered in the sky with bright flashes of lightning that made you jerk and cringe with every bolt. We had a torrential downpour for over two hours flooding the streets.
"It's the heat," I told Rosa. "My grandfather would call these heat storms."
One of the last big flashes of lightning and subsequent booms of thunder knocked out my cable TV and the Internet. Even though I wasn't using the Internet at the time, I felt lost. I listen to all my radio programs online these days.
"I think you are addicted," Rosa told me as I whined about it being down.
"No I am not," I said defensively.
Rosa laughed and then told me I was in denial as I curled up on the couch with my most recent book.
I will tell you what I am addicted to and that is World of Warcraft. I haven't had a game suck me in and be such a time sink since I was married many years ago. God knows, I needed a diversion then, but really don't need one now. Thankfully, Rosa isn't rabidly jealous of the game like my ex-wife was of my past time and online friends. I finally gave up gaming due to Rachel because I got tired of the continual fights. Rachel knew when she married me that I liked to game and then wanted me to change after the honeymoon. It was exasperating.
Mom and dad came over last night bearing a supper of meat loaf, field peas, glazed carrots, creamed potatoes, and cornbread. We all sat around my kitchen table talking. I have to act ignorant and subservient to my father.
"I washed my sheets and comforters today," I told him like a child showing him my report card.
"Good," he said, "I am proud of you. You need to do the little things that keep life going."
I realize I live two lives. The quiet, mousy life I portray for my parents, and the adventurous life I share with Rosa with our jaunts to the shopping center and around town. I would find it interesting to hear how many other mentally ill people have to play certain roles within their families to keep the peace.
"Have you had any symptoms lately?" my father then asked.
"I keep wanting to go live in my car down by the river."
My father raised an eyebrow. I said it just to jerk his chain. I was feeling devilishly mischievous.
"Well, just don't act on that urge," he said.
I sat musing over who was actually in control here. I don't do it very much, but if my family gets to being too overbearing then I feign symptoms and craziness. They will lay off of me then. It is a way I have found to protect myself from their constant meddling and manipulation of my life. Nothing scares my father more than when I start talking about living homeless again - the epitome of self imposed craziness.
14 comments:
snort!
my boys have just recently started playing W.O.W. and they love it as well. I would have to say you are very much in control of your life, and conversations with your father! If only he knew (does he still read your blog?).
Naughty boy...
My husband is into City of Heroes not WOW but I know it's the same thing.
I have to LOL every time you talk about living in a car by the river. It reminds me of the old SNL routine by Chris Farley of the motivational speaker who lived like that! I say have an adventure for a couple of weeks or months but that is no way to live your life.
Big hugs to you and Rosa.
I used to love those kind of heat storms when I was a kid. It is called "KalBaishakhi" in Bengali. To get respite from the summer heat and to see the sky go gradually dark and then witness the storm was always fascinating for me. The rain that followed was the icing on the cake.
Yes you need to play different roles around different people. I guess its ok.
i love a good summer storm in the south.
At times you seem to have a good relationship with your father and get along well. Then just lately you have been speaking negatively about him.
Andrew:
I might have to try that with my dad.
It's funny how we feel as though we have to show or prove ourselves to our parents and suddenly when we're in their presence we feel as you put it, like a child showing a parent his report card. Fasinating actually.
Always,
Crusty~
You crack me up!!!!
Andrew, do you ever wish you could express your true feelings with your family? I wish I could - it seems a risky business though - usually not met with heartfelt affection when I do - I guess we have an infected definition of close connection. My family is in the habit of using anger and scolding to intimidate one another and manipulation to get others to cooperate with what they want - ugliness!
Keep writing, your blog is so worth reading and insightful!
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