Me and Rosa were lying in bed last night, talking. I was trying to explain to her my wanderlust.
"I want to just walk out of the house and disappear," I said.
"What about us?" she asked.
"I would take you with me."
Rosa smiled incredulously.
"I doubt I would be a willing participant on one of your wanderings," she said. "I am happily homed."
I don't know what gets in me, but I understand how The Homeless Guy felt. He had a home and an income and he just threw it all away to go live out in Vegas in a Catholic mission for men. He said he felt lonely and there is a camaraderie among homeless people. It is kind of like the untouchable caste of India. You look after your own.
"You promise me you are not just going to disappear tomorrow?" Rosa asked as we curled up in the covers to go to sleep.
"I promise," I said as I reached up to turn off my lamp to be greeted by a dark bedroom. "But I might go camping for a week."
Rosa sighed softly. We lay in the dark as I listened to her breathe and go to sleep. It gives a new meaning to that old saying that the grass is always greener on the other side. And to think, I want to give this all up just I can go wander about the country like some indigent man. I make myself shudder sometimes. It must just be part of my mental illness - the irrationality of it all.
15 comments:
I feel like that sometimes!!
hahahaha
Exploring new places would enerigse you and it is not so easy brush this thought aside.
I have a nice home and wonderful husband and children and still I feel like that sometimes. I think it's just the demand of so many responsibilities that does it.
i wonder if you are missing your aa meetings? you used to describe how good it felt to feel a part of that fellowship.
I too dream of just running, and I haven't been classified as mental ill-well, not yet of course besides the nasty depression I deal with-
I would love to as I ironically wrote about today-just get in my car and drive drive away..and keep driving.
So, mr. 4th, I understand what you're thinking and understand why you're thinking it.
Always,
Crusty~
nothing like a little wanderlust to get you to look at your reality & decide if this is what you want.
i've always have wanderlust - a condition of growing up a military brat & moving to a new state or country every 2 or 3 years. i've lived in brooklyn, ny for the past 7 years - the longest i've ever lived anywhere. and while i love it here, i'm getting the itch to go elsewhere.
& that doesn't make me crazy. just human.
you seem very intriguing... are these true stories? if so, i enjoy them!
I really do enjoy your writing, Andrew.
http://anonymousunwashedheathen.blogspot.com/2007/08/franks-quote.html
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"It must just be part of my mental illness - the irrationality of it all" : No way! It just shows you're human and have something many of the robots out there have lost!
Wanting to be in the world and feel the world... sounds like the opposite of mental illness to me.
Everyone has wanderlust for a different reason. Some people have it because they want to prove to themselves that the world is a safe place. That the world is a friend.
Some people do it because it's easier than the intimacy that is right in front of them.
Some people do it because they can not feel comfortable doing anything else.
Regardless, from the bit that I've read, it sounds like you've made a safe and loving place for you and Rosa--a pretty remarkable achievement.
Wanderlust is also an excellent beer by Pete's Wicked Ale... I know that really isn't relevant, but I guess in a round about sort of way it is.
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