I had to attend a funeral today and am feeling out of sorts. I watched as they laid the lady to rest in the cemetery on a cold, blustery December afternoon. I looked around at the family and they had tears in their eyes. It made me sad for them and as a relative I felt bad because I didn’t have any real emotions over this woman. I knew her only vaguely and had only talked to her a handful of times in my life. Many crows sat in the trees and gawked and called at our procession. It did hammer in the importance of my life and how mortal I am. As a secular humanist I feel you only have one life and you have to make it count. There is no heaven with streets lined with gold where you can converse with your long departed relatives. I feel we have one shot at life and through our progeny our genes live on and we have a sort of immortality.
This afternoon was a struggle as I wanted to get drunk. It has been such a long time and I wanted to be inebriated and to sleep away the rest of the afternoon. I sat out on the streets and down the sidewalk for a journey to the liquor store. I had made it all the way next to the Greyhound bus station when a familiar voice called out to me.
“Andrew!” The voice cried.
I looked up and it was my father in his car. Seeing my father reminded me of how far I have come and jolted my one track mind in a different direction.
“Where are you going?” He asked.
Traffic had begun to back up behind him.
“Just walking. I needed to get out of the house.” I replied.
He pulled into the parking lot of the Greyhound station and asked me to get in. I stepped into the car and sat down.
“Are you okay? I just found it weird for you to be so far from home and not in your car. Has it broken down?” He stated and asked.
“I am fine dad. My truck is fine. I just needed to take a long walk and think.” I replied.
I couldn’t tell him that I was headed for the liquor store to get drunk. It would destroy all the trust I had built up the past few months.
“Do you want me to take you on home?” He asked.
“Sure, I need to get home and get some supper started. I am tired of walking.” I replied.
Dad drove me on home and it was a quiet ride. He reached over and grabbed my hand when he pulled up in my driveway.
“I am proud of you. You have come so far and I do not tell you enough.” He said.
A tear erupted from my eye and ran down my cheek and around my mouth and dripped off my chin.
“I know.” I said as I wiped the moisture from my face and tried to play it off.
He gave me a hug and I stepped out of the car and into my house. I watched as he drove out of my driveway and towards home.
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