Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I am such an Asshole

I was just complaining about Uncle Bob and being an asshole. He is an 84 year old man who has just had open heart surgery. He is relying upon me to help take care of him. My cousin Jean found his wife, Aunt Jessie, dead in the bed this morning. She was fine yesterday and walking around. Dad just has called me. I feel terrible and horrible. What terrible timing as well when Bob is still very frail and weak.

I now have to drive up there and face him with a guilty conscience knowing how callous I have been when commenting about them. He is also going to be dependent upon me for getting to and fro from rehabilitation. It is going to be a tough few days I fear. I don’t handle deaths in the family very well. I just have not faced it very much in my lifetime. I shall now go climb in my car with a low hung head and begin the long drive to uncertainty, sorrow, and pain.

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