The Day of the Phone

The day started out with only one snafu. I had left the air conditioner on high last night and my apartment was just freezing this morning when I woke up. I climbed out of my bed, donned my robe, and sleepwalked into the kitchen. I yawned very expressively with out stretched arms and proceeded to cook some bacon and toast. I also got a big pot of coffee going.

After breakfast, I shuffled to the back door to light a cigarette as I held a hot mug of coffee. I stood on my door stoop for all the neighborhood to see me in my robe adorned glory. I was still too sleepy to care.

The phone rang. I put out my cigarette and walked to the phone.

“Hello?’ I said.

“Andrew, this is your momma,” She said as she always does as if I would not instantly recognize her voice.

“Hey mom,” I said.

“Don’t forget we are going out to eat tomorrow night,” She said.

“I won’t forget,” I replied.

“I will pick you up at fifteen till five,” She said.

We said goodbye and hung up the phone.

I was having a hard time getting going today and was just mulling about the house. It was too damned hot to really get out and do anything. I even dreaded going on my daily hike.

The phone rang again.

“Hey man! It’s Doug,” The voice said.

It was my sister’s husband.

“I need your computer expertise,” He said.

He wanted to know if he should update from Norton anti-virus 2003 to the 2005 version. I told him 2003 did the same thing as 2005 and it would be a waste of his money. He would just get a flashy new GUI and probably more bloatware.

I hung up the phone.

The phone rang again an hour later.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Jonathon, did Doug manage to get you?” My father asked.

“Yeah dad, I helped him out,” I replied.

“Well, your sister had called earlier to see if you were home as Doug needed to talk to you,” He said.

“I got him straightened out,” I replied.

We hung up the phone.

Fifteen minutes later the phone rang again.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath as I can go days without the phone ringing.

“Is this *insert residents name*?” the female voice said.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Sir, I would like to know if you would donate a small amount to the Alabama Sheriff’s Girls and Boys Ranch association.”

I especially hate when I get solicited over the phone. I am on the “Do Not Call” list but not for profits can still call.

“No thanks,” I said. “And please take me off your call list.”

She was nice and said she would.

The phone rang several more times today but you get the jest of the story. I spent most of the day on the phone. Some conversations were quite pleasant though and I enjoyed them but I feel as if I were thrust back to the days when Uncle Bob would call ten times a day and not leave a message.