The Pay per View Player

Playa or Player is a slang term for men who get lots of women and sex.

Late this afternoon, I decided to walk down to the shopping center to the little Asian restaurant that surprisingly sells some of the best burgers in town along with fried rice and other things. This is the same shopping center where the Piggly Wiggly resides. I had called ahead and ordered two hamburgers, all the way. I walked down to pick them up.

I picked up my burgers and walked over to the bench by the Pig to sit down and eat them. Slop was sitting there as well. I sat down, pulled one out of the bag, unwrapped it, and took a bite. You could see Slop’s mouth water as he licked his lips. He watched me intently while wiping the sweat from his brow.

“You couldn’t spare dat other burger, could you?” Slop asked.

“Slop, get your own damn burger,” I replied.

“Come on, man! Dis brotha be hungry,” Slop said.

Don’t worry. Slop hasn’t been missing any meals.

I got quite full after eating only one and handed the other burger to Slop. You would have thought I had handed him a bar of gold he was so happy.

“I really owes you one my friend!” Slop said as he proceeded to engulf the burger.

By this time, George came pulling up to the front of the store in his infamous Dodge Diplomat. An elderly black lady climbed out of the car and proceeded towards the entrance to the Pig to buy her groceries. George turned off the car and walked over to sit down with us.

“Whazzup, my brotha,” George said as he held out his hand for me to clasp it.

I shook his hand as he sat down next to me and Slop. He reached in his shirt pocket and pulled out a pack of cherry hinted cigars. He placed one in his mouth and then held out the pack towards me. I reached in and grabbed one as well. We both lit them up.

“George, I sho be needin’ a dolla,” Slop said.

“Fuck yo fat black ass, Slop!” George said. “You god damned lazy ass nigga!”

Slop just chuckled as always.

“You been speakin’ to yo ex-wife?” George asked as he turned to me.

“No and thank goodness,” I replied.

“I need to see about getting you two back together,” George said. “I ain’t talked to her in a while.”

George is under the delusion that he somehow knows Rachel and that they have spoken several times in the past. This is just hilarious to me.

“George, you would be doing me a favor if you just left Rachel alone,” I said playing along.

George leaned close to me and whispered, “Everyman has his needs.”

“George, if my needs get that bad, I have a perfectly functioning hand,” I replied.

George laughed.

“Yo ass know dat ain’t the same,” George said. “A man’s gotta get some lovin’ from a real woman.”

“George, when was the last time you had a woman?” I asked.

George got a big grin on his face as he blew out cigar smoke.

“I be a playa,” George said. “I be gettin’ some last night.”

“How much did you pay for it?” I asked.

Slop burst out laughing. George yanked off his cap and hit Slop with it trying to shut him up.

“Well, did you pay for it?’ I asked again.

“I only paid twenty bucks,” George said. “But it sho was some good pussy!”

We all laughed. George is a “pay-per-view” player.

“Well, man,” I said as I stood up. “I am gonna to head to the house and settle in.”

“I be talkin’ to Rachel tonight,” George said. “Keep a look out for her.”

“Later, man.” I said as I chuckled and walked on home.