My father bluntly told me tonight, “You never grew up. You don’t act like an adult.” I didn’t get upset. He is pretty much right. I will concede that my life is rather unorthodox considering the company I keep many days. I just couldn’t live life like he does. He does nothing but work all the time to afford things that have little meaning or value to me. I could give a rat’s ass what others think of me these days. His life reminds me of that British comedy Keeping up Appearances.
“What do you want to do with your life?” He then asked me.
“I would love to live in a tent in the woods and waste my time writing away,” I replied.
You should have seen the look on his face. He wasn’t pleased with my answer.
“A grown, responsible adult doesn’t live in a tent and write,” He replied blithely. “They work and raise a family.”
I knew not to expound further upon my ideas about what a meaningful life would be to me. My father just wouldn’t understand.
“You know I love you,” I said to him giving him a hug trying to diffuse the situation. “You will always be my dad.”
“I just don’t know what to do with you sometimes,” He said exasperated hugging me back.
Well, I am now seemingly enrolled into my father’s program for becoming an “adult.” I am to wash my car tomorrow, the dog can no longer come inside, the driveway shall be swept clean of the leaves from that hail storm the other day, and I am to get my yard into a more “pleasing state of order” or whatever the hell that means. I don’t even know where to start.
“You would grow concerned if I let my yard get in a state of disarray,” He said.
“Yeah, there would be something very wrong with you if that were to happen,” I replied sort of surreptitiously .
Maybe I will take some pictures of my yard tomorrow and let you all decide if it really is in such a state of “disarray.” One of the biggest obstacles to living my life has been living up to my father’s expectations of me. It is maddening. I do love and admire the man though. That is why it is so hard.
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