George really has it made. He has a mother who cooks and cleans and keeps the house spotless. All George has to do is occasionally drive around carrying patrons for money and drink beer. I find myself jealous of him. I know I shouldn’t think that way. The man is on the way to cirrhosis of the liver; a not so enviable proposition. His mother loves him unconditionally though.
It has been hot as hell today. I have sat here and sweated for hours. I know I should break down and turn on the AC. I just don’t want to spend that money. I am determined I can prove to my father that I can pay my own way. I am hell bent I guess you could say.
I am unsure what to do about my father. We haven’t spoken since the trip to my psychiatrist. It all seems so silly. Life is too short for such games I think. I broke down and cried for the longest time today; great deep sobs. I just don’t know what to do. I thought of returning control back over to my father to ease things, but then I would be just as miserable. It is a conundrum to say the least. I love the man so deeply. His love is a conditional love though.
I wish I could just disappear; step out into the night and no longer return. I have thought of packing up everything I can carry in my car and driving off. I am tired of being punished for just being me. That is the way it feels as if I am being punished. The controlling, manipulative aspects of my father drive me crazy. I promise you that I am not a bad man. I think I am a kind and caring fellow. I would go to the farthest lengths for a friend in need.
I am tired and I think I shall sleep. It is time to call it a day. At least in blissful sleep, I don’t have to think of all that ire’s me.
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