It’s late at night. I can’t sleep. Everything in this small town is closed. The sound of a train roaring through downtown drowns out the katydids and crickets. Its horn wails. My mind wanders as I think that train is headed to Atlanta and I wonder who is driving it. The trains here tend to be nocturnal. Wanderlust overcomes me as I want to ride downtown, hop aboard a freight car, and head out for adventures unknown with my Kelty backpack upon my back.
Early this morning, I was reading the tale of a young man who set out to live in the backwoods of the Alaskan wilderness. His adventure ended in disaster and he died exposed to the elements and animals. He was unprepared. What would make someone’s life become so unbearable that they would want to give up everything and set out on such a doomed escapade? I know the answer. I’ve felt that pain. It sometimes becomes so overbearing that you are willing to give everything up and just disappear to escape your current life.
Alienation is the worst pain to bear. We are all such social creatures. Humans have evolved to work in interactive groups and to support each other. All our lives are intricately entangled in this web known as society. The days of the self reliant Daniel Boone are certainly over. These skills of lone survival have been increasingly replaced by our dependence upon each other and the technology and perks of society that we have grown so accustomed to (and I would argue enslaved to). Just as I am dependent upon my father to just feed myself.
I don’t really know where I am going with this essay other than the point that I want to escape my current life. I would like nothing more than to just walk out my back door with my backpack upon my back to live by my wits; to escape the oppressive, overbearing pall of my family and society. Yes, it would initially be hard. I have led a pretty much sheltered life other than my homeless days. But my homeless days taught me that I could survive through some harsh conditions.
It’s funny, but I felt so alive when I was homeless and lived in the woods. I felt connected to Mother Nature as she was my home and caretaker. Those cold nights laying in my sleeping bag as a coyote yelps; the hoot of an owl far off in the forest; those crisply cold mornings were I would unzip my tent door to find the frost covering the landscape so thick it looked like a winter wonderland. The only downside was the alienation I felt. I felt so alone. I knew that if disaster were to strike then it could be weeks before anyone found my body. That was always a sobering thought. That is what keeps me from walking out my backdoor right this minute. I don’t want to live the rest of my life in solitude; an outcast hermit. I, as most humans, yearn for the company of others.
Well, I have rambled on enough this morning. I think I shall go curl back up into my bed and dream of adventures, freedom, and good food. Sleep is my last great escape from this life I lead. Those dreams are certainly more exciting and fulfilling than my awoken life. I hope you all have a good day.
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