The cacophony of cicadas was almost deafening as I walked down to the shopping center this morning. The heat and humidity was already impressive at 9 AM. I had broken out in a sweat just from a slow walk. Dark patches had formed on my light grey Auburn Tigers t-shirt.
George was sitting in his car eating a tin of sardines and carefully placing each morsel on a cracker as I walked up. He immediately busted out laughing when he saw me almost choking on the food he was chewing.
“You look like a fucking Mister Magoo!” He exclaimed referring to my not so stylish glasses.
I was having a hell of a time with my contacts this morning and Maggie had chewed up my good pair of glasses. I had to fall back on a very outdated pair of lenses that I have had for years and years.
“Shut the hell up man,” I said self consciously.
“You are the goofiest looking fucker with those damn things on,” George said as he continued to laugh. “You could pass for Waldo.”
I smiled when George said that as his laughing grew contagious. I couldn’t help but start laughing along. George got to laughing so hard that he dropped the cracker and sardine he was holding on the floor board of his car. He sveltely pushed it under his seat with the heel of his foot. I am sure that will be an interesting smell in a few days. George’s car is not the most clean of vehicles thats for sure. It might add to the ambiance instead of taking away from it.
“Yeah, they do look pretty ridiculous, don’t they?” I asked. “I have an appointment on the 30th to get new glasses.”
“I would just walk around blind,” George replied.
“Man, I would be bumpin’ into walls and posts and shit. I am blind as a bat.”
George continued to eat his Sardines and crackers. He would eat a whole cracker and a sardine covered with a liberal dollop of Texas Pete’s hot sauce. Each mouthful would be followed by a swallow of Milwaukee’s Best Ice beer. My stomach churned as he imbibed in such smelly cuisine.
“Oh man, you are making me sick at my stomach. The beer is the kicker. That has to taste nasty,” I replied as I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth.
George put another sardine on a cracker and stuck it right up under my nose.
“Fuck man, you fucker,” I said as I quickly got out of the car.
George was going to spoil my coveted daily lemon/lime Gatorade. I could still hear him laughing hysterically as I walked on up towards the grocery store to buy my drink and then head back home before it got too hot.
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