I just couldn’t sleep tonight. I slept for two hours and woke up with a headache. I got up, fixed breakfast, and took a shower. It is now 3:30am. I have to be at work in an hour and a half. It is going to be a tiresome and long four hours this morning. I hope I can sleep when I get home. I am lucky my second job affords flexible hours.
Kim also called late last night as I was laying in the bed reading. It didn’t help matters as what she said made me worry about her.
“I’m depressed,” she told me. “I have the dooms and glooms.”
“Do you want to come over with me and Maggie?” I asked.
“I’m already in my pajamas in the bed,” she said. “Sadie’s already settled in for the night.”
We talked for about an hour with the hopes it would cheer her up. We talked a lot about her bipolar disorder which causes great swings of ups and downs. She was explicitly honest with me about her past and her kids – a subject we haven’t touched upon very much with me being too shy to press the issue. Her mother got custody of her two daughters by declaring her mentally incompetent in court when she was very, very ill mentally she said. Her ex-husband is still in the military overseas in Afghanistan and thus couldn’t take custody of the kids.
“It’s all so complicated,” Kim told me crying into the phone. “I miss my girls.”
I tried my best to comfort her telling her how drastically my life has changed in a month and the she, too, could change things and get her daughters back with some determination.
“I love you so much,” she told me. “You’re my inspiration. My life has been so much better with you in it.”
My heart melted as I told her I loved her back and thanked her for the kind words.
“What would you like to do tomorrow that would make you feel better?” I asked before shortly getting off the phone to try and get some broken sleep.
“I just want to spend the day with you when I get off. I want to make out and make love and drink lots of wine. I want to throw caution to the wind.”
I told her her wish was my command and we got off the phone. I lay in the bed for the longest time with my book on my chest thinking about what just transpired. We all live so complicated lives. Nothing ever seems to be easy but for only the lucky few. I am just thankful to have Kim in my life and with that I bid you adieu. I will write again after work before bed!
10 comments:
I hope work isn't too hard today and that you get a good night's sleep tonight! Now you're working, being physically tired should help prevent recurrent insomnia.
No doubt worrying about Kim was part of the problem - but at the same time the mutual love & support you give each other is powerfully good medicine.
It is so heartening to read of the recent upturn in your fortunes. You deserve happiness.
Hi to you Andrew..so happy to hear you have a lady in your life..just the sharing and the place it fills in us!
Pacing the floors is just part of your withdrawl..I've been there..I learned just to tell myself that it will pass one day, so this is one less one. It helped me.
Have a great day! :)
You are a good fellow. Hope that the rest of your day allows some rest.
Nobody has it easy, not even the 'lucky few.' Everybody has problems of one sort or another, even if we can't see what they are. It's how you manage what you have. Nobody can 'fix' anyone else's problems, but it helps to have a friend to talk with --AND a therapist.
Do all you can, where you are, with what you've got.
I don't think ANYONE has it good all the time. Even the lucky few have problems that you just don't see. They may be just better at hiding things.
We just have to take what we get and try to find happiness where we can. That is why the little things are so important! :-)
A happy day to you and Kim!
Can't tell you how many nights I can't sleep like that. It sucks, especially when you have to get up early for work the next morning.
I agree with Syd, you are a good fellow! Nice you and Kim found each other.
Great new blog title! Is it new today, or did I miss it before?
Rats, you took down the video! I was listening to ya when the ratters decided they had to go out and chase some killer dragon fly or something - then ate dinner - took a swim - showered - jammies - answered some emails - cleaned up the kitchen - yacked on the phone - and now the video is gone! I was only gone for a minute, LOL!
I love ya anyway!
Grannie
video gone.....wanted to see it =(
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