You Can Keep on Knockin’, but you Can’t Come In!

One nice thing about reading my comments these days via email is that I can easily choose what comments to read and which ones to discard.  I see a comment from let’s say Marsha and I am not clicking on that shit.  It is most likely going to be stalking, condescending and negative.  I chose not to have that kind of crap in my life these days.  I have a lot of anxiety surrounding comments always wondering what people think of me and that is just something I don’t need.  It’s just my little way of controlling my online environment and it’s nice.

I worked in the yard all afternoon cutting down my shrubbery.  I am hoping it will be more manageable and will grow back out and look nicer and neater. It had gotten to look kind of crappy over the years.  I kept only the hydrangeas and my camellia bush.  I cut down all my azaleas.  I just couldn’t sit still this afternoon doing nothing on my day off.  I thought I would work on my own yard instead of other’s for a change.

I learned today that dad had bought me a weed eater for Christmas one year and it occurred during my divorce with Rachel.  He never gave it to me during that tumultuous time.  It is still in it’s box in the garage and dad is going to give it to me.  That will be a boon for my yard care business.  I am also in the process of buying a small used trailer I found on Craig’s list to pull my mower behind me in my car.  I will have to get a trailer hitch installed.  This will greatly broaden my opportunities as far as my yard care business is concerned.  I go to look at the trailer tomorrow to see if my mower will fit on it with cash in hand. 

Mom just called about grocery day.  I told her I wanted another gigantic jar of peanut butter and bananas to make sandwiches.  I also want several of those fettuccini chicken and broccoli meals which are my favorite. She sounded really upbeat and talkative.  It is always a pleasure to speak to her.  She is my calm in the storm.

Earlier this afternoon, mom, dad, and I piled into my car and went and got me a tank of gas and cigarettes.  Dad has decided to let these costs come out of my disability allotment for the time being even though I am working.  I was relieved.  That will be a lot of money saved for me – paid for by money I have no access to.

Dad also bought a big screen TV and got digital cable and HDTV channels.  He was having trouble with the picture not fitting the screen and had me fix it.  I have this intuitive second sense about such things that my father says I got from my grandfather.  He could apparently fix anything electrical or electronic.  He was a radio engineer during world war II on submarines.

I called Kim tonight and we talked for an hour – mostly about her day at work.  She really hates her supervisor and thinks she is out to fire her.  I personally don’t want to hear all this junk, but listen anyway I am so interested in her.

“Did I let things go too fast and far last night?” I asked her at one point apprehensively.

“I kissed you silly!” she said laughing.  “I took the initiative.  You were going too slow for me.”

I felt relieved after her saying that.  I thought she might think I tried to take advantage of her after she had quite a few drinks.  I don’t want to be that kind of guy. I prefer to be the stereotypical Southern gentleman.

I am seriously thinking of starting my nine month trial work period allowed by Social Security.  I will be able to make a full wage and still draw my disability.  I am going to talk to my supervisor about taking on extra hours – now feeling more comfortable with work and my abilities.  I just hope that anxiety holds off.

I am still waiting on calls from all those applications I filled out this weekend.  I really want a busier job were I am not just wandering around work all day.  I have to start thinking about a career and retirement for the first time in my life. I am not getting younger, and I think with my intellectual abilities and hard work, I could easily rise within the ranks of many of the places I applied for.  My current job is a dead end as far as advancement is concerned.

No sunset brews tonight! Aren’t you proud?  I didn’t feel like driving all the way down to Auburn to buy them.   I am so lazy this evening.  I am currently listening to Laura Ingraham bitch vehemently about Obama at the moment, smoking cigarettes, and drinking my big glass of Crystal Light.  And blogging of course!