Setting Up the Sega Saturn Emulator SSF

On Cloud 9...

I love this photo of Iris. She is so gorgeous.

My father certainly was a busy and upbeat fellow tonight. Maggie went and sat out on the outside deck he made her so nervous. He was laughing loudly and talking really loudly as well. He wanted me to pull up all my relatives on Facebook. He finally took the helm of my computer as I wasn't browsing fast enough. The grandkids and photos of them hold a special place in his heart.

He will not join Facebook because he says he will be inundated with friend requests.

"You need to set up a stealth Facebook account called Jimmy Reese who lives in Milwaukee," I told him with an amused smile. "And then you can very selectively choose what friends to have with your alias."

"Play that Iris DeMent song for me one more time!" dad then exclaimed before leaving. "Turn it up! Now wouldn't that get all the religious folks stirred up around here in the South?"

"To confound the Christians," I added. "She also plays a lot of religious songs as well."

"Play May the Circle Be Unbroken next," my father urged me. "Momma would have liked that! She always said it was too sad for funerals, though."

I was just in the kitchen getting a Coke after dad had left when Maggie poked her head inside the dog door. "Coast clear? Is the madman gone?" she seemed to impart and I started smiling. She crawled back through the dog door and went and got on the bed.

As the Bell Tolls for Andrew...

http://www.wnd.com/2014/06/dont-let-your-kids-miss-doctors-appointments/

I have just awakened after sleeping all day. I was in the bed by 3 am ever cognizant of my injection in the morning at 9 am. It would give me about 5 hours of sleep before I would have to stir again and head to the pharmacy. I just looked at the clock as it read 5:50 pm and realized I forgot my Risperdal injection this morning. I just called my father and he forgot as well. I didn't wake once until 5:50 pm.

"I have the prescription filled," my father said dourly and shaken. "I will bring it home and call Rebecca in the morning."

"I need to be the one taking care of all of this," I told my father forcefully and it got off with him. "This is my healthcare we are talking about. It doesn't have to be this complicated."

"You would never get down there to get it injected dodo head!" my father exclaimed aggravated with me.

Grrrrr...

In a perfect world, my father would bring the injection to me the night before while we are doing my medication ritual. I would just drive down to Kamath Medical in the morning, get the injection, and drive home. Simple.

Oh well, we all bowl a gutter bowl sometimes as Horsefly will often say. It is mostly my fault for not setting my alarm clock and leaning on my father to call and wake me up at 8 am. He said he was running really late for work this morning and just forgot. A lesson learned and filed away in the lobes of my sometimes ailing brain.

Welcome, She Who Bears Fruit...

Mom just brought Mexican by tonight. Maggie had a fit to see her so she came inside for awhile.

"I about can't walk up your steps," mom told me with a laugh and then she told me how good it smells in my house.

"I got you chicken fajitas as that is what you like," she then told me.

"Thank you," I replied. "I am very hungry tonight."

"Let me see what you have done," mom asked. "Your daddy says you are really making some progress with your house."

I showed her all around the house -- basically, all the rooms I have cleaned.

I haven't gotten that much done so far today as I woke so late, but we have many hours ahead to get busy cleaning.

Going On Nigh Ten...

Credit: Wal-Mart

Dad was really late tonight for the medication ritual, but mom had called and warned me so I didn't get agitated or aggravated. I got in my recliner with my aging Ipad and waited patiently.

He bought a bunch of new clothes for the cruise today and was washing and drying them. The last load took longer than he thought it would. Mom is like the central nexus of the family relaying messages, status updates, and stuff. One must be a diligent Secretary to aspire to the role.

My father is off to the grocery store now to do my parent's shopping as he does every Wednesday night. I told him to get me some that "Fabuloso" cleaner to mop my kitchen floors with, but I betcha $100 he will forget. I can't fault him as I am just like him and got that same gene. We have to write it down and bring a list or we won't get it. Update: my mother is calling him to tell him to get me a big bottle of Fabuloso. Duck and run for cover lol! I am going to be in trouble!


"I am going to get Martha to get you up something to do next," my father is going to say when he brings that Fabuloso by my house after shopping tonight. "I am going to tell her that you need some appointments scheduled."

OMG! Garlic meet Vampire!

Well, it will be 10:50 pm almost down to the second when my medications take effect. I have about 20 highly anticipated minutes to wait. Right now, I am enjoying a very pleasant cherry hinted Swisher Sweets cigar.

Now I Lay My Head to Rest...

Well, the bathroom is completely spotless after hours of work. I scrubbed and scrubbed and then mopped the floor. That was my biggest cleaning job so it's all downhill from here. I will work on the kitchen tomorrow which is still pretty clean from the last time Charlie got ahold of it on Sunday, but I do need to sweep and mop the floors really good. Then we will move to the laundry room with my bedroom being the last room. The computer room door is just going to stay shut until further notice lol. That $250 of computer part money is now looking obtainable.

Dad is cooking scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast for supper. He just called asked if I wanted to come eat. "You betcha!" I replied excitedly. Breakfast for supper is one of my favorite meals and you all know how much I adore breakfast. We will complete Maggie's ritual and my Crazy Med ritual tonight at nine as dad wants to see my bathroom.

The Destroyer of Couches...

This is why I could never buy a nice couch. Maggie uses them as her own personal Jungle Jim. She will sit on those cushions for hours "on the lookout"! If something bothers her, she will head outside to investigate. 

Andrew's Clean Den...

Papa Was Pleased...

Well, my father was very pleased with my cleaning progress. Pleased as a peach. He stepped into the house and looked astounded.

"It smells so clean in here!" he said excitedly. "Not like a stinky dog and stale cigarette smoke. You can really clean when you set your mind to it. Always could."

I laughed wholeheartedly as Maggie tried to look innocent on the floor by us. We were sitting on the couch.

"I started on the kitchen tonight and will finish it tomorrow. All my groceries are put away and my stovetop is clean along with the countertops."

"I am so proud of you!" dad said as we turned our attention to taking my nightly crazy meds. "I am going to get you up some more cleaning supplies tomorrow. You need some of that Murphy's oil soap to mop your hardwood floors with. I also want to see that bathroom spotless in a few days."

image credit: http://rosehousecleaners.com/

Onto Somber Matters...

Today was the 44th anniversary of my grandfather's passing. Mom was eight months pregnant with me when he passed away. Dad said he so wanted to see me, his first grandchild, and held on until the very bitter end.

Charlie? Here's $250! Will You Clean My House?

I just thought of that this afternoon as I was standing in line at the Piggly Wiggly buying frozen biscuits and a hunk of cheddar. Dad calls Charlie his Jewish friend. He is the master at cleaning houses. Surely Charlie will clean my house for $250 -- the $250 dollars we were going to use for computer parts. I just do not have it within myself to do it alone. I would help Charlie and he could supervise me to what I need to do next. I would clean my bathroom as that is my dirtiest room in the house. I just don't have any idea of how to get started. I need help!



My Favorite Pastime these Days...

I spent another enjoyable afternoon down at the tracks. My snack today was cheese on wheat crackers and a can of Vienna sausages and Saltines. I saw a few freight trains, but not many.  One was a Williams Bros. unit coal train that was interesting. Coal is heavy and it was pulled by three SD90MACs. See? I do know some of the newer locomotives. The Electromotive locomotives are easier to tell apart than the General Electric ones.

Must...Have...Risperidone...

My injection in the derriere is this week and I just called my father at work for him to make sure they have one in stock. He assured me he would look.

"Do you have enough groceries?" my father asked snarkily with a laugh.

"Yes!" I replied excitedly as he laughed. "And it is a very good feeling. I haven't had this much food since April of a few years ago when a $100 grocery trip was my birthday present."

And Let The Cleaning Commence...

Well, the den is now very clean and tidy and it is the most lived in room -- the room beside my computer room that needed the most attention. I am just going to do one room a day until I get the whole house done. One step at a time grasshopper. I should take only a few hours per room. I got a headstart on the kitchen and will finish cleaning it tomorrow.

Mr. Big Spender...

Well, for this Monday grocery debriefing, I spent $107.98 tonight. Before you get worried, dad had said when we were walking into the store that we were going to get me plenty of groceries and he was true to his word.

We stood in the frozen meals area as dad loaded up my cart with countless frozen meals -- stuff I usually wouldn't buy but intriguing meals that will be interesting to try. He got a lot of Italian and Asian themed meals for the most part. I almost didn't have room in my little freezer for all of them.

"You're getting a windfall tonight, son," he told me as I stood by his side. "You will have plenty to eat this week. I'm paying for this out of my checking account."

I ran the gamut of foods from chili dip (with no beans) to Fritos and to apple pie filling and deluxe Kroger vanilla ice cream. My cheap sweet was unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tarts. I got two large boxes. I also got two quarts of that delicious International Delight hazelnut coffee creamer I so rave about these days. That was $12 and some change alone. My two big bags of frosted flakes were accompanied by 4 gallons of sweet milk.

Breakfast foods were on the agenda as well. I bought eggs, bacon, and sausage forgetting my usual frozen biscuits and cheddar cheese. I will get those at the Piggly Wiggly tomorrow.

"You forgot your two Mountain Dews," dad said in an enlightened moment and with an alarmed tone as we walked out to our cars.

I had a deer in the headlights look on my face.

"Go ahead, start unloading your groceries into your car, and I will go buy them via self-checkout."

I thanked my father profusely for remembering that. That's my favorite thing about grocery night is to drink those two drinks while I am writing my weekly grocery day debriefing.

image credit: http://www.amazon.com/Hormel-Chili-Cheese-Bean-30oz/dp/B00I2U26MK

Wild Things Run Fast...

I kinda got myself in a tizzy over this cleaning stuff dad is wanting me to do. Everywhere I look now is something that needs to be cleaned or polished. If I died tomorrow, none of this would matter. The dirty house. The laundry that needs to be done. My messy refrigerator. I am just gonna run the opposite direction the next time my father mentions cleaning.  You can't hurt me if you can't catch me. Oh, and you can keep the computer parts money.

Comment Replies...

glittermom said...

Changing the subject...do you or have you ever had an nintendo ? Just wondered..I think they came out before the bigger systems they have now days....more of a hand held....

Glittermom...

I got a Nintendo Wii for Christmas a few years ago but never used it. I am too lazy for such a contraption that you have to flail your arms about to play a game. I just want to sit there with my controller in hand. I owned the original Nintendo Entertainment System back in the year of 1987 and my brother and I spent countless hours playing that machine. The new handhelds are really nice. Kids are spoiled these days when it comes to video games. 

A Train Kind of Day...

It was gorgeous here today. I woke up at lunch and couldn't go back to sleep. I dressed, donned my backpack, and headed down to the tracks. I had already heard several trains roar through downtown as I lay in the bed.

I saw something today that I have never seen in the countless hours I have hung out down at the tracks. I saw a string of about 15 locomotives rolling through downtown. Some were my favorite locomotive. The GP38-2.  The GP stands for general purpose.  The 38 stands for 3800 horsepower. And the dash 2 stands for improved electronics. I think they were going to be scrapped or traded in on newer locomotives. It is rare to see a GP38-2 these days. They are getting to be almost 30 to 35 years old.

I also saw some Southern Pacific locomotives that must be on a lease program. That was neat to see such locomotives so far from home.

You know what I can't understand? Is the nomenclature of these newer locomotives. I can't tell them apart. They all look the same to me. They all have that same flared radiator.

I always like to bring a snack with me when I am down at the tracks. I ate both cans of potted meat I had along with some saltines and spread it with a plastic knife. It was delicious. My grandmother always called potted meat and crackers fishin' food.

The weather just gets even more gorgeous as the week goes by. They say we will be up to 80° degrees by the end of the week. My lawn is already greening up.



image credit: http://donsdepot.donrossgroup.net/dr1638.htm
imgae credit: http://www.sogoodblog.com/2008/08/06/i-try-it-so-you-dont-have-to-potted-meat/

Comment Replies...

Rita Wrote...

I wonder if Helen can start getting Social Security? Or maybe she will try to get another job? How long has she worked for your parents?

Do you watch movies? Have you ever seen the movie called, "The Help"?

Andrew Replies...

Rita, she is already on disability. You can still work on disability, but you can only make so much money. Helen has worked for my parents for about 10 years. No, I haven't seen The Help. I will have to check it out.

I've Loved a Few Hunks in My Time...

"You up, Chuck?" my father asked over his cell phone. "I am bringing your dinner plate over now."

I looked at the clock on my computer and it read midnight.

"I know you've got to be tired," I told him. "Is Charlie washing dishes?"

"You know he is," dad said with a laugh. "I tried to get him to go home to no avail. I can sleep in tomorrow morning. He has to work."

"Charlie's a good friend," I told my father.

The plate was delicious. I tasted everything. It was actually three plates. One plate had a hunk of prime rib on it with garlic and cheese mashed potatoes and sauteed green beans. The next plate was a very tender baked chicken in a mushroom and white wine sauce, sweetened baby carrots, and another heaping helping of garlic and cheese mashed potatoes. The last plate had a slice of chocolate cake, key lime pie, and pecan pie.

Kiddies? Remember! Dessert first!

Yes, I ate all of the dessert first and put the rest in the fridge for tomorrow. I have an almost insatiable sweet tooth.

image credit: http://secretlifeofachefswife.com/anthologie/main-dish/prime-rib-primer

Short and Simple...

Tonight, I am going to keep my grocery shopping short and simple. I am definitely getting more of that International Delight hazelnut coffee creamer to put in my milk. That is so delicious, but probably a 1000 calories. Speaking of milk, I will get 3 or 4 gallons.

It is going to be a breakfast food themed week. I never tire of scrambled eggs, bacon, cheddar slices, and buttered biscuits. Grits always make an impromptu appearance at times as well. I am really leaning towards sausage instead of bacon this week, but will probably get both.

We will have a repeat on the apple pie filling/topping and vanilla ice cream. I plan to get two of each.

Comment Replies...

Glittermom wrote...

Your dads a bit of a drill Sargent.... Who's all going to the dinner tonight? Is your mother into all this too? And what's going on with Helen and her car? Is she gone now? Just a bunch of questions you can answer or not....enjoy your McDonald's....I would love a Big Mac about now....

Andrew Replies...

Yeah, dad's a bit of a drill sergeant. I am starting to agree with Summer that he has OCD as well. 24 people were invited to the dinner party tonight. I just called mom and they are watching Downton Abbey as I write this so yes she is involved. This kind of thing is hard on her, though. Helen and her car is still in limbo. I would guess she is gone now or she would be helping to get the meal together for tonight's party. Glittermom, I ate two Big Macs for late lunch today! LOL

Epicurean Curiosity...

I wonder what delicious food they are now eating at the dinner party? Charlie said he was going to fix me a big plate of food and bring it to me after the party is over. I hope it is just piled high with delicious offerings. I expect him around 10 pm tonight as he will be in charge of cleanup operations as he always is.

Have any of you ever heard of a ribeye roast? I am intrigued that it may be a roast made out of true ribeye steaks. Janice, Charlie's wife, is also bringing her macaroni and cheese casserole. Swoons! I do know one person is bringing homemade yeast rolls as well. Double swoon!

image credit: http://wonderingfair.com/2010/12/03/dinner-party-grace/

10 Minutes to Closing...

I was just at Fred's Super Dollar Store. I had to have another container of those delectable roasted and salted pecans. I walked into a pretty much empty store. One wild looking fellow was purchasing a quart of motor oil.

"Andrew?" Elsie asked to get my attention. "We are closing in ten minutes."

"I will be long gone before then," I told her with a smile.

Nothing's better than locking those doors and getting off after a hard day's work.

Now, if you want a late night dollar store experience, you have to ride across the river to Dollar General. They stay open until 10 pm.

image credit: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Planters-Roasted-Pecans-7.25-oz/20435163

Nobody's Harder On Me Than Me...

I am so hard on myself most of the time. I am my biggest and my most worst enemy. I woke up this afternoon with the mindset that today will be a day off from being Andrew.

"Your daddy is going to bring you your medications in about an hour," mom said on the phone waking me around 3 pm. "Kinda get woken up."

I jumped out of the bed running and threw caution to the wind. I went and bought me a gigantic Coke at McDonald's and a Big Mac value meal with an extra Big Mac. Something I would never normally do due to spending constraints imposed upon me by my father. Dad was waiting in front of my house when I arrived home. This time, he had to wait for me and not the usual other way around. He doesn't have a key to my house, or he would be inside snooping around. I long ago changed the locks on my house just for these types of occasions.

"You ready for you medications?" he asked and then he remarked on my fast food meal.

"You betcha!" I exclaimed unfettered and ignoring the criticism.

Maggie was going nuts to see my father and put on one of her grander shows today. Dad also remarked about the state of my bathroom as he looked in to see if I had cleaned some.

"Let's get your toilet brush and brush out that ring around your toilet," he tried to tell me.

"Oh, it'll be okay," I replied nonchalantly. "Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."

Yes, it was a day off from being Andrew and being worrisome, nervous about everything, and conflicted. No one could steal this sunshine on a sunny day. It felt mighty fine to be me today.

image credit: http://first-draft.com/category/uncategorized/

Pessimism Versus Positivism...

I do believe today is going to be great. I'm already getting good vibes like this wholesome feeling in the pit of my stomach. It feels quite nice. My only hurdle ahead is Charlie waking me up for Sunday morning biscuits and then I hope to be able to quickly go back to sleep after breakfast.  Stiff upper lip as our British brethren always say when faced with adversity. Breakfast? Adversity? Hah! I am basically getting breakfast in bed.

Post Midnight Pondering...

So tomorrow night is the much vaunted Downton Abbey dinner party. Dad's got several people lined up to cook and they are bringing dishes. Planning and preparing for this has gone on for weeks now. Tomorrow dad finds out what happens to all that work. Will things go as planned?

"I feel terrible that I didn't cook anything," my mother fruitlessly told me yesterday.

My father would never dare let her cook. She hasn't cooked in years nor would my father eat what she would prepare.

Dad is cooking some kind of special ribeye roast. Sounds delicious to me. Mom said she will be sure I get a plate full of food.

I talked to Charlie on the phone last night and he thinks it was a very neat thing for my father to put together.

"If he survives!" I told Charlie laughing and he laughed back.

I will take my medications once again at around 4 pm. Mom is going to call me when my father has my medications ready. I hope to sleep until at least 3 pm. I am trying to stay up to four this morning, but it is growing harder by the minute. Edit: Well, I've just made it to 3 am.

I was fixing to lament never getting invited to these soirees, but I wouldn't go anyway. I am sure a dinner party would do a number on my social anxiety.  Just think of all that small talk, and with people I don't know. lol.  I am recovering but I am not quite that recovered just yet. Yeah, I've got it pretty good over here at Casa de Andrew.

image credit: http://www.clker.com/clipart-13480.html

Needed Clarification About Some Overblown Exaggeration...

I over exaggerated about my father and I always being in a contentious state. I wrote that post at a fever pitch in the heat of the moment. We get along pretty well in these later years -- quite well I might add. We used to couldn't stand each other five or six years ago. And no, I am not a dirty slob. I take showers every day and my house is just kind of cluttered with a heaping helping of dog hair thrown in. My hardwood floors just need a good sweeping and mopping, and the bathroom needs some elbow grease. My father's standards for cleanliness are just higher than for the average person. He expects perfection and I am an imperfect being.

image credit: http://windowsitpro.com/configuration-manager/mdt-2013-support-clarification

Got My Computer Parts All Picked Out...

This all came out to be $246 dollars. I am giddy with glee! I decided I really didn't need another expensive video card when I only retro game.

• CORSAIR Vengeance Pro 16GB (2 x 8GB) 240-Pin DDR3 SDRAM DDR3 2400 (PC3 19200) Desktop Memory Model CMY16GX3M2A2400C11R

LG Electronics 14x SATA Blu-ray Internal Rewriter without Software, Black Model WH14NS40 - OEM

SAMSUNG 850 EVO 2.5" 250GB SATA III 3-D Vertical Internal Solid State Drive (SSD) MZ-75E250B/AM

Like Some El Greco Painting -- So Full of Pain...

I am sitting here waiting on my illustrious father to arrive with medications and something to eat. He said he would be here around 4:00 pm. Maggie is already in the window on lookout whining occasionally and impatiently.

My father and I have such a very contentious relationship that I don't write about often. I quickly learned about blogging that if you write about negativity then you will get negativity back in the comments. It will also attract negative people to your blog. Our main contention is the cleanliness of myself and my house.

He was asking me over the phone when was the last time I did laundry or took a shower. He says I also dress like a homeless man. I had laundry going when he called. I just dress frumpily. Right now, I have on grey sweatpants, a white cotton t-shirt, and an Auburn jacket. Just comfortable attire for hanging around the house on a Saturday or for a trip to the dollar store.

"You're going to be my project after this dinner party is over," he told me. "We are going to get you cleaned up."

What joy!!!!

I guess old habits die hard. Have you seen my parent's house, though? It is spotless. You can eat off the floors. I would never be able to maintain that level of cleanliness without help. I also told my father he is going to have to break down and spend the money on getting me a nice vacuum. That's the only way I can keep ahead of Maggie's shedding.

Oh well, it could be much, much worse. He could nag me constantly, but he is afraid of pushing me too far and what I will do if he does. He cares. He just goes about it the wrong way. The pragmatist in me says he is just worried in case I have to have company over. He's been known to put on airs like that.

Here's to Incentives...

Dad just arrived with Captain D's for the family at 4:30 pm. We performed my medication ritual and Maggie's food and water ritual.

"I am going to do something for you," my father said. "You get yourself cleaned up and the house cleaned up and I will give you $250 in computer part spending money."

Well, I think that is a fair compromise. I already have in mind what I want to order. It is going to be a midrange Radeon graphics card for my emulation computer.

There's Beauty in the Breakdown...

Laura and I chatted awhile on Facebook before midnight. They've got her back on Depakote because of wild mood swings on her previous medication. I told her that's what mom takes for her bipolar as well. Laura seemed to take some solace in that fact. Mom taught Laura in grade school. It was nice chatting with her and nice to know she is doing better mentally.

If I was truly crazy, I would throw caution to the wind, put on a little "court and spark", and woo her until she was my girlfriend. She would pressure me about moving in, though, and that is just something that wouldn't fly with my family.

A Cruise Fit for a Princess...

Princess Kathleen that is... Dad announced last night that he was going on a cruise with my sister and her family. Mom is staying home and it is my duty to care for her. It is going to be a Disney cruise to the Bahamas for my niece's birthday. That kind of jet-setting life is just too much for me. I wouldn't hold up long without Maggie and my computers and the quiet repose that is my little house.

The Midnight Wino Blues...

I've got kind of the after midnight lonesomes as I call them -- a feeling of being all alone in the whole wide world. This would be prime drinking time for me and I will admit I have thought of it tonight. I almost drove down to the Circle K to get a few bottles of cheap Thunderbird wine. I have some untraceable cash burning a hole in my wallet. I just don't think I have another sobering up left in me, though. I would probably go back out for good and end up dead shortly. Not to mention the ramifications within my family.

Most Likely Scenario: I would drink 2 or 3 bottles of wino wine and be good and drunk by daybreak. I would try to sleep it off, but would still reek of booze by 4 pm when dad is having me come take my medications.  There will be a steep repercussion and all spending freedoms and debit cards would be taken away. I would have to start all over again to rebuild my father's trust that took years to build up in the first place. Years ago, I would say to hell with the consequences and still get drunk.

Of Birthdays, Unlocked Cars, and Dinner Party's...

I was just laying in the bed at 4:15 pm when the phone rang one time. That means it is my mother calling. Three times means it is my father. Maggie ran to the phone as she jumped off the bed. My phone phobias are just one of the final vestiges of my mental illness that I just can't shake lately. They've been acute and reoccurring.  Laura finally quit calling me as I wouldn't answer the phone.

"Your daddy needs you to come over and take your medications. We are going down to your brother's house tonight for Olivia's birthday party," mom said.

Olivia is my niece. She is 8 years old today. She is the sweetest child.

Well, I quickly dressed and headed over to Casa de Parent's. Charlie's wife was also over there fixing the napkins for the dinner party. I stuck my head into the dining room to say hello.

"I forgot to lock my car last night," I told my parents. "Someone had changed my seat height and moved it very forward, but the key was inside my house. Must've been a short little fellow. I wonder if it was that same SOB that stole it Christmas Day all those years ago?"

Mom and dad both chastised me for leaving my car unlocked. It was just simple forgetfulness on my part.

I used to never take my key out of my car fearing I would lose it, but I lost my whole car! LOL Wasn't that a terrible thing to happen on Christmas day? Whew! It was a hard lesson to learn. What happened to the Old South where you could leave your house key under the front doormat and your car key above your sun visor?

It was nice getting my medications so early, although I will regret it tomorrow unless dad gives them early again like he hinted at. This weekend is the grand Downton Abbey dinner party.

image credit: http://jaidendesigns.com/design/dinner-party-decorating-ideas

On the Money...

My father pulled up in front of my house at almost exactly 8:45 pm. I was right on the money.

"Maggie? Poppa's here!" I said loudly to Maggie as she then jumped on the couch to see out the den window and started squealing.

You could see my father sitting in the car with the light on while he prepared my medications.

"Barf!" dad emitted loudly as he walked across my yard to the front door. "Barf!"

Maggie and I were standing at the screened door looking out.

Maggie started to bark in earnest and soon the whole neighborhood's dogs were barking as well. This just brings the biggest smile of joy on my face every time. It never gets old.

Big Time...

It is big time pouring rain here. The cats and dogs would be envious. I wonder if this will up my father's arrival time? The pharmacy just closed and I am chomping at the bit for him to get here tonight. Ah yes, it is almost medication time! Do I seem too exuberant? I am guessing he will be here about 8:45 pm.

It always seems a train roars through downtown during inclement weather like this. I can hear the blare of a train horn going through downtown West Point as I write this. I cued dad into this phenomenon as well and he will say, "Well, I heard a train during that big thunderstorm we had last night." It also happens with police and ambulance sirens as well. I can hear some as I write this also.

I just warmed a bowl of apple pie filling/topping and then added two scoops of vanilla ice cream on top. It was as delicious as I thought it would be. The tartness of the apples and the creamy, sweet taste of the vanilla ice cream was a match made in heaven.

I did a no/no by eating so soon to medication time, though. I try not to eat so soon to them as it can make them slower to soak in. I want that big WHAM! feeling that hits me at the end of the hour as I wait for them to take effect. Then will follow a big mellow feeling of complacency and calm -- my mind is at rest for another day. I will complacently and contentedly play my video games before going to bed in the wee hours of the morning.

image credit: https://madteaparty.wordpress.com/2015/08/26/off-to-a-great-start-in-colorado/apple-pie-filling-and-ice-cream/

Almost Begrudging the Rain...

"Your daddy bought you some vanilla ice cream, cigars, and apple pie filling," mom told me over the phone a moment ago. "Do you want to come pick them up?"

"My windshield wipers have completely quit working," I told my mother of my almost 16-year-old car. "I can't come and get them in this rain."

"I will bring them over," mom replied. "Mrs. Sandra canceled tonight's Mexican meal. I am going to bring your Cokes as well."

"Bless you, mom," I said as we got off the phone.

Mere moments later, mom came pulling up in front of my house as Maggie squealed with glee. I got soaked running out to her car, but it was a small price to pay for ICE CREAM! lol

image credit: https://glutenfreeroundup.wordpress.com/tag/blue-bell/

Heal These Broken Wings. I Need to Fly Far, Far Away...

After my devastating divorce, I needed a place to go. I had spent the winter living out in God's Country on some timber land we owned. It was just me and my tent, a backpack full of camping gear, and copious amounts of beer. I got to where I would ride into town on my motorcycle to my late grandmother's house and sleep in a closet with a candle burning. You would be surprised at how much welcoming heat a candle can put off. It would get that small closet quite relatively warm.

One night, I bravely and desperately called my mother and told her I needed a place to stay and that I had been homeless for months. She came right over to my late grandmother's house and turned on the heat and helped me fix a bed in the apartment in the bottom of her house. It was one of the few times I've seen my mother stand up to my father in recent memory. This usurped my plans to ride to Nashville and sleep in the men's rescue mission and live off the streets. "The Homeless Guy" would spend all day browsing the internet with a donated laptop in McDonald's and sleep in the Rescue Mission at night. How hard could homeless there be compared to what I was experiencing here?

Early to Bed and Relatively Early to Rise...

I was in the bed at a very early 9:00 pm last night. It had been a rough and tumble day and I was tired. I had taken my medications around 6:00 pm at my parent's house.

"Who was Neville Chamberlain?" my father asked me as we all sat in their den yesterday afternoon.

"He was Britain's pacifist Prime Minister before Churchhill came to power," I replied. "Peace in our time."

"See Martha?" dad cackled laughing. "You're the school teacher. You should know this stuff."

Dad and I went on to discuss the Treaty of Versailles that was signed at the end of World War I and about how it brought Germany to its knees and instigated World War II.

A New Day. A Hopefully Better Tomorrow...

I woke up at 2:00 pm today feeling much better. I woke up to thunder and rain, though. A very comforting sound to me. Not so much for others. I just saw a frightening flash of a cloud to ground lightning strike on the horizon -- vivid and dangerous.

Mom is bringing Mexican food tonight along with my sodas around 7:00 pm. We're having chicken fajitas tonight with a glass of coy tasting and bubbly diet Coke. I fear the weather may cancel her and Mrs. Sandra's rendezvous, though.

I had some frozen biscuits left from last week's grocery visit and a little block of cheddar left. Maggie and I had cheese biscuits cooked in my little toaster oven for lunch. 

We Spoke Our Fears to the Captain (Johnny Otis)...

Wow! What a topsy-turvy day!  My mental illness has brought me from the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I took a Coreg a few hours ago and that seemed to bring me back to an even keel. It is commonly prescribed for high blood pressure but works wonders for anxiety as well. It helps relieve the tension and blood vessel constriction in your cardiovascular system. In essence, relaxing your whole body in turn as a very big benefit.

Dad was scheduled to bring my medications tonight around 9 pm. I called him an hour ago and said I am going to need them early tonight. He was very accommodating which led to a big sigh of relief on my part. I didn't want to have to squabble over to get them now or later.

"What about Maggie?" my father asked. "She'll miss my visit."

"I am just going to have to be careful and not say, Papa or daddy," I replied.

Mental illness is like a fickle wind sometimes -- blowing one direction to the next willy nilly. I wake up every morning not knowing where life and schizophrenia are going to take me. Thankfully, most days are pretty good in these later years of my recovery.  Sometimes you just bowl a gutter ball as Horsefly will very often say.

Out of the Gate Running...

There were some drowsy times last night at Casa de Andrew. I fell asleep in my recliner about 11 am or midnight and slept a few hours. I fell asleep again until almost 4:00 am and decided to just go to bed. I awoke at 12:00 pm this afternoon refreshed and energized. I was hoping to get some good emulation gaming time in last night, but alas, the stars were just not aligned right. I finally figured how to get my Playstation 2 emulator up and running after much gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair. I was chomping at the bit to play some Final Fantasy games.

Dad was complaining that my kitchen was a little messy last night. I said instead of criticizing me, then try to help me. I needed some paper towels as I am out of usable dish rags as we always called them.  Well, mom called after lunch and told me to come pick up a big packet of paper towels.

Dad was preparing candles for the dinner party on Sunday when I arrived. A lady and friend of the family was on her way to help coordinate the efforts -- a glorified interior decorator. Dad was talking about how my mother and I are royalty. I told him if we were royalty, then he was the King! He calls all the shots and runs my mother's and my life. I told him I was more of a court jester -- a trifle more to be pitied and laughed at.

While I was out, I ran into Fred's which resides just down the street from my parent's house. They had yet another new cashier and I asked her name.

"Elsie," she said shyly.

"My name is Andrew," I replied.

She was another frumpy looking middle-aged white lady. Kathy, the manager, was sitting inside what I call her throne -- a very raised booth where she can see all of the store from her perch. It looks like a large hockey penalty box. I waved as I passed by headed for the section with the mixed nuts and soft drinks. I got a tin of salted and roasted pecans and headed home.

Confusion...

I was confused by Pipe Tobacco's assumption that my father wanted me to quit smoking. He worried when I quit and often tried to put a few packs in with my daily Cokes. He had read that almost 95% of schizophrenics smoked and that playing into the same brain chemistry that was malfunctioning. He was full well prepared to pay the lofty price of cigarettes to help in some sort of way.

To Smoke or Not To Smoke...

PipeTobacco said...
Sir:

Your father buys you and allows you to smoke Swisher Sweets now? That is surprising but nice of him. You say you don't inhale? Why not? They are very smooth and potent! A creamy, pleasantly chalky feel. What brought about the change in your dad about smoking?

Andrew Replies...

Pipe, he only buys them every now and then as a surprise treat. The saying "I don't inhale" was a joke I was trying to impart about President Clinton when he said he didn't inhale when it concerned marijuana.   Dad read an article about schizophrenics having a high rate of smoking in their midst and how it helps calm the brain amoungst such individuals. Dad was hoping the nicotine would soothe what ails me. 

Tornado Sirens are Going Off Here...

Bless Maggie's heart. She was trying to go to the bathroom when the heavens opening up upon her. She came flying in from the deluge and tried to dry off on the bed to my horror. I quickly got an old towel and dried her off.

We're not getting much by the way of lightning and thunder even though the radar looks really stormy and impressive. .

Mentor of a Muddled Mind...

Dad was asking me a lot of questions about my mental illness tonight after last night's episode. We never really talk about it and I am not too forth giving with information most of the time as it is so stigmatizing.

"My anxiety attacks come on so suddenly," I told him frustrated. "It feels very similar to an adrenaline rush but much worse. My world kind of spins out of focus for an hour or two there. My heart starts to pound in my chest and I can't see straight. It is the scariest thing that has ever happened to me except my motorcycle accident."

"What helps you the most?" he asked. "Now, be honest with me."

"I used to always drink to feel better," I replied. "Now, I have to get somewhere very quiet, relaxing, and still and then I take my medications. My therapist, Barbara, has helped me more than any medications I take."

Dad, the pharmacist, found that last statement very interesting.

"How so?" he asked intrigued.

"She's taught me how to deal with these kinds of mental illness episodes -- how to react and act when they occur.  She's about helped me to put my social anxieties to rest. Who would have ever thought I would be going out on dates and answering the phone? Or going to the grocery store for that matter."

image credit: https://www.boundless.com/psychology/textbooks/boundless-psychology-textbook/treating-psychological-disorders-19/approaches-to-psychotherapy-98/

Carnal Sins...

I was in the bed at 4:00 am this morning and slept until 5:00 pm this afternoon. My yard service, the Guatemalans, woke me up with their loud leaf blowers. It was a maddening moment as I rushed into the laundry room to shut the dog door before Maggie could get out of the fence. They can be forgetful and leave the fence open after they mow the backyard.

Dad called me at 6:00 pm tonight.

"You okay Chuck?" he asked. "You really scared me last night."

"I'm fine today," I told him. "I just slept 13 hours so I should be doing well."

"I will try not to dilly dally around tonight and will be over pretty early to give you your medications," my father replied.

I thanked him for that.

Mom then called and had a care package for me to pick up. She had placed toilet paper and paper towels and also my Cokes on the back porch. The back door was open which meant The Secretary was receiving.  We talked for awhile. It was good talking to mom this afternoon. Mom wrote on Dad's grocery list that I needed vanilla ice cream and premium apple topping.

"He'll never remember if you just tell him," mom explained to me.

Dad told me not to dare tell my mother I only got $45 worth of groceries, though. She would drive him crazy with worry and inquisition.

Mom asked me how I used to always stay drunk even when I didn't have money years ago out of curiosity.

"A good way I used to go get wine was to tell you I wanted some drinks and sodas from downstairs. Dad keeps a lot of wine in that fridge and I would open the garage door and put some of the wine in my car," I told my mother with a smile. "I would walk back up the stairs with just sodas and leave out the back door. You never knew I was getting wine and dad never seemed to complain about missing any."

"Also," I added. "Dad's, the pharmacist's, bathroom medicine cabinets are a pillhead's dream come true. I would ask to use the bathroom and fill my pockets with all kinds of interesting pharmaceuticals."

"You sneaky little shit!" my mother exclaimed laughing.

I assured my mother that I haven't done all that crazy crap in years now.