Mom arrived this morning with food, cokes, and cigarettes. I was overjoyed, having gotten down to eating mayonnaise sandwiches (which quickly grow tiresome). I put up my groceries and headed down to see Joyce at B.I.T. It is a pretty long drive, but I had plenty of gas not having driven much these past few weeks.
I arrived and Joyce immediately wanted me to go buy her a carton of cigarettes. This, I did, and I bought her some hard candy as well.
"You are a lifesaver," she told me as I sat on the couch next to her. "I smoked my last cigarette yesterday."
Nothing is worse or more miserable than being a smoker and being out of the things that cause your addiction.
We then sat and talked. She is very, very manic and they keep changing her medications around. They are now giving her an injection of Risperdal like me.
"Why don't they put you on what you were taking beforehand?" I asked, confused. "You did so well for months!"
"I don't know why," Joyce replied, her hands fidgeting. "I just want to go home! Will you take me home?"
I told her to at least try it for a few more days. She doesn't need to be at home right now. She is still very confused and discombobulated. I worry she will only get worse sitting over in her dark house alone all day. I know that can be a trigger for me as well.
It seems like everyone wants to harp on the negatives, berating me for my foibles. Here are some positive things happening in my world. The positives far outweigh the negatives.
Some LJ's (little joys) stolen from my friend, Mosaic Mind...
- I am sober today despite having some money and that is a miracle for this alcoholic.
- I am mentally stable for the moment -- only dealing with some slight paranoia and negative symptoms.
- I still have my home, car, and my beloved Maggie.
- I've little side effects from my medications. My biggest one being feeling flat and listless.
- I have thirty days to come up with $25 dollars to get my camera back out. Mom will help me with this.
- Despite all our past contentiousness, my father and I are getting along right now as long as I take my medications.
- I have groceries, smokes, and cokes. This goes a long way to making my life more pleasant. I have a pizza in the oven as I write this.
- I am not in any legal trouble (no DUIs, etc.)
- I am financially stable even though I have no access to those funds. All my bills are paid for and I have a warm and bright home.
- Joyce will probably be home soon!
12 comments:
YAY for Moms like yours and friends like you! What a difference it makes to have someone show they care.
Andrew, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I didn't see all of the comments in the past few days, but I did see a few. I'm not sure what motivates people (who clearly didn't belong to the community or know the context) to feel they can act without consequence.
That said, there are a number of us who read you--many of us (like me until recently) don't necessarily post but are pulling for you. It would break my heart if you made this blog private. No doubt you would exclude me and many others who are praying for you and sending you good vibes.
Hang in there.
Yea Andrew!
Andrew, even though we have never met, I am sooo happy for you! The way in which you looked at the positive joys in your life! And I am happy that your mom is there by your side, that you and your dad are getting closer, and that you understand that, however badly you would like Joyce to be back home, she is better off in the clinic for a few more days! My hat off to you!!!!!!! I am sooooo proud to be around reading what u write! Hope u will include me in your circle of friends...???
Take care!!!!!!
Thank God for the LJ's in life. Makes me turn inward and look at what I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for your friendship, that's a definite.
God bless you friend!
Life's little joys keep us going... Hope Joyce gets well, soon. And I wish you the best on Thanksgiving and always!
Enjoy your pizza!
Lena
You go, Andrew!!!!!!!!!!
FunnY I had to make a grateful list yesterday too. I almost relapsed big time after 4.5 years. I was devasted and crying and everything. It was scary. (and I mean really really scary) Thanks for letting me see your list. Lets me know I'm not the only one.
Stacy
I am thankful for your ability to write a list of LJ's! You are in my prayers!!!
B~
I want to make a LB list too. What a great idea. It makes us see all the good instead of focusing on the bad. I bet you could go on and on.
Just trying to find out what blogging is all about. Sounds like you got it together.
Larry
And you have us that care for you deeply regardless of when you're up or when you're down..we're here for you!
Thank you for being so honest!
Blessings my friend!
Does Rosa know you're needing some friends to talk to? just curious.
Enjoy that thunderstorm!
Always,
Crusty~
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