Hard to believe it's only been six days since I had a drink. It seems like a lifetime ago. I only had a few beers, but decided to start my counter over in good faith. It was embarrassing to do, but it felt like the right thing. I knew I would get a lot of questions on this blog and I did. The last time I got nineteen consecutive days. Let's hope practice makes perfect.
I have no desire what-so-ever to drink these days. I could easily go back to the pawnshop to pawn something for money and get rip roaring drunk. Drinking is just no longer fun. It is no longer the escape for me it used to be. The last time I got drunk I remember it feeling so blah and so less comforting than it ever had. I just felt sick and depressed as the room spinned around me after a six pack of beer. I felt out of control as if the beer were making decisions for me and not my own conscious will. That was scary. I wonder if I am becoming burned out as an alcoholic -- reaching the last stages of my disease.
I need to go to AA, but I am having a rash of phobias surrounding it. I just don't feel like getting out of the house. It has been a struggle to wake up, or just get dressed. I want to sit all day in my pajamas and waste time reading and listening to the radio. If I were to tell my psychiatrist about this, then they would no doubt put me on yet another pill to take. I don't want to be drugged though, and want to soldier on through this spell with a clear mind. All things must pass as they say.
9 comments:
I realize your need to stay alert and busy. I thrust myself into work each day. I think this is healthy for me. I have to stay busy all of the time. I am sure there are many activities you could do to pass the time. Perhaps you could visit your grandmother more often or your mom. What about those weekly nights of eating dinner with your mother?
Nevertheless, the day goes by faster with more to do. I am trying to pace myself today. If I don't, I won't have anything left to do for the rest of the week!
Andrew,
Sometimes as hard as it is you have to push through the depression and make yourself active. Go out and walk or ride your bike. Force yourself if you have to. It's a good way to make your brain chemicals work without taking medications. Maybe you could put some small barbells or handweights into your computer room and start to do a little working out. Look on freecycle and see if someone close by is giving some away.
Good for you, Andrew, with the positive thinking!! It's hard for everyone some days and hard for some every day.
If you can keep working your way through it, you'll be a better man!! You already are!
Honesty is good. I'm impressed.
I celebrate your sobriety right along side of you. Whether it is 6 days or 100 days, I pause to celebrate that accomplishment with you.
B~
I'm proud of you Andrew! 6 days is fantastic. One day is fantastic. You are on the way.
I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself.
Nothin' worse than a belly full of booze and a head full of AA...
life is hard, and I am giving you hugs on your honesty...you should be proud of yourself!
Always,
Crusty~
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