A Scenario of the Past Few Days…

Each day would start the same.  I am sleeping very well thank God!  I go to bed after dad brings medications.  Sleep a whole night.  And then another dreaded day would begin.  It would start with me driving over to get my precious six diet Cokes for the day.  I would come home and relish them – taking such solace in that ritual.  Then the mental anguish would start.   I would get so stir-crazy. I couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute or two until I was walking and pacing the floor.  I would try to watch t.v. This would sometimes prove fruitless.   I would have hours of a day to pass doing just this – this maddening pacing and walking of the floor.  I was in such mental anguish that I couldn’t sit still.  I couldn’t find comfort in anything, the internet, the radio, the t.v., nothing. 

Today has been a big change.  I’ve been online for most of the day.  I even tweeted some after a many month absence.  This is just amazing!  I am able to take some comfort in the weather, online life, and various other interests.

You know something telling?  I know smoking is bad for you.  I am also aware of the alarming statistics at the number of schizophrenic people who smoke.  I have smoked like crazy this week.  I have gone through a whole carton in just days.  It is also maddening.  I can’t or dad can’t afford this.  It seemed to be my only comfort for my crazy mind this past week.