“Have you been having any more symptoms?” my father asked me this morning as we sat at my kitchen table eating our sausage biscuits and orange juice.
“I feel people are watching me,” I replied. “Yesterday, at the convenience store, a lady did a double take when she looked at me and it worried me. I feel I look strange or weird.”
Dad smiled. “Schizophrenia is baffling, isn’t it? That lady probably just thought you looked attractive. You are an attractive man when you fix yourself up like you were yesterday. Your hair was combed so nice and looked so pretty.”
This had never ever entered my mind. That a lady would be attracted to me? It has been so long since I’ve even had any relations with the opposite sex.
5 comments:
Good Morning, dear!
Could all the excitement and action be causing some of the shaky feelings? I know how badly you want to accomplish some of your goals - but maybe your brain isn't ready to handle too much at one time.
You might have to try the old "baby steps" method. Just take one baby step at a time. It's slow, but you do get there eventually!
You're way too much like me! You want instant results - and you want them NOW! Sometimes it just can't be that way.
Love ya,
Grannie
If you landed a job , would your dad have control of your wages as he does your welfare check today? Jobs require self-discipline, tolerance of boredom and social skills. You'll also need a spiffy appearance and a polite demeanor ( no twitching, scratching or silly walks PLEASE!!) in the service sector. Smoking is NOT allowed. Breaks are few and far between, you may have to wait hours to satisfy a craving for a pop or a candy bar. People will be depending ON you . IF you wig out on the job , you'll not only be giving yourself a bad day but you'll also be unfairly HURTING the people who are relying on you. You can simulate having a real job right away. Your dad could make out a schedule of chores for you to do ASAP. Your " pay" could consist of smokes and pop . If you slack off, he could withhold these treats. This 'll give you a glimpse at the REAL WORLD! What do think about this idea?
Just a suggestion, I know you feel a lot of anxiety about being in public and this suggestion may not be possible. But swimming may be a good way for you to zap a lot of that nervous energy. The resistance of the water burns a lot of extra energy. Just a thought.
A concerned anonymous
I would date you in a heartbeat! :)I think we would make an interesting schizophrenic couple. We could play off our positives. Just reading your blog has helping me so much in not feeling a lone. Schizophrenia is a disease of ostracation.
Ellie
Ellie,
Ah, bless your heart! Write a blog and let me get to know you! Write about your days and your experience with schizphrenia. I would lap it up not having any schizophrenic authors to read at the moment. Take care of yourself and know that I am always here if you need me. I will have to give you my phone number.
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