The Feeder Extraordinaire…

Mrs. Florene brought by a half a pan of homemade lasagna and some cheesy toasted garlic bread last night.  She was in good spirits and extremely talkative – very glad to see me.  We haven’t seen each other in days.   She said she had made the lasagna for George’s cousin, Monte – his favorite meal of hers.  She and him ate half and she brought the rest to me after dinner.  I cringed at her driving at her age, but she has little choice without George.  The Skylark is actually getting some use these days.  I wish she would just hire Monte to drive her around as I am unable.  I feel scared to go out of the house lately – that old agoraphobia ever strong and the anxiety keeping me crippled.  So, I am munching on delicious lasagna this morning.  Mrs. Florene makes hers with sausage instead of ground beef and it is very different from mom’s, but good.  Maggie was thrilled to see her and put on a big show -- lavishing her with attention and affection.  I was just glad my house was clean after getting guests.  I had put some effort into it yesterday to get the house presentable with an old friend in town from Nicaragua.  I actually felt up to it for a change.

Dad was really quiet last night and it worried me.  He had worked a 12 hour day, though, and was probably just exhausted.  I tend to project emotion upon myself and others.  I thought he was mad at me at first.  He was kind of surly and abrupt.  He had brought me cigarettes and I worried the cost had made him angry.  I realized the absurdity of it all when he yawned very vigorously and said he couldn’t wait to get in the bed and settle into his night time routines.  He was just tired.  It was 10:30pm after all. He had been at work since 9am. I had also washed my hair, dried it, combed it, and dressed up extremely nicely for him hoping he would notice, but he didn’t say a word.  Sometimes, no words are better than bad and negative words.  I probably couldn’t have taken him telling me I looked like death last night as he did a few weeks ago.

Dad did remark on how warm I am keeping my house.

“It is hot in here,” he said last night as we watched Moonlight. “Maggie is panting.”

“I stay cold all the time,” I told him.  “Earlier in the day, I had the heat set on 83 and I still had on a hoodie as I lay in the bed under my comforter trying to get warm.”

“You have always been cold natured,” he said, dismissing anything more wrong with me. “Your heating bill in the winter is always atrocious.”

How are you feeling?  I feel okay this morning – kind of blah and indifferent.  I slept well as usual.  I always sleep well these days which is nice.  I look forward to watching my favorite TV shows today.  I have been watching entirely too much TV lately with little else to do.  The Internet can only capture my attention for so long. 

Maggie is kind of getting on my nerves with her incessant barking this morning.  Something has really gotten her riled up.  Many of my neighbors are walking to work this time of the morning as I keep seeing them strolling by the house.  Most don’t have cars in this poor neighborhood.  This keeps Maggie busy in her efforts to be the supreme protector of me and home.  I am listening to Coast to Coast AM right now out of Apple Valley, California – the high desert.  The numerology lady is on which I don’t like, but I am still listening with nothing else to listen to this time of the morning.  I am anxiously awaiting the next segment when she goes off.  I don’t put much stock in numerology.