That edginess is starting again – the stir craziness. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. It always happens around lunch when my medication levels fall. I’ve been trying to stay away from my diet Cokes, but broke down and drank them this morning when a headache hit. The headache instantly went away after two colas. I am so addicted. I feel the caffeine compounds my anxiety, but like an addict, I continue to imbibe.
Dad is feeling really ill. “I can’t come this morning,” he told me. “I am staying in the bed today. Wash your hair and put on that skin lotion.” I wished him the best. He often gets ill from all the many sick people coming in the pharmacy. You would think he would have an immune system of steel after working in a drugstore all these years.
Working on whittling down my Twitter follows again today. I followed 500 people and realized I didn’t care what the majority had to say. It is hard finding people you jibe with. I am mainly interested in mental illness and supportive chat. I have found some really cool people lately and it is refreshing. I am beginning a report with a few folks and we chat and support each other throughout the day.
Added a Facebook badge to the blog. We will see how that goes. I am active on there again despite my misgivings about the medium. Just click to join me on Facebook. I am starting to open up about my illness and addictions and some people think it is great (got some great and supportive emails) and some people find it alarming. Dad told me this morning that my sister told him that I went “live” on Facebook. She removed me as a friend I see this afternoon. I guess I embarrassed her.
I am keenly interested in the prospects of an AA meeting in Lafayette, Alabama this afternoon. That is much closer than LaGrange. I would hate to drive all that way and there not be a meeting, though. The websites showing AA meetings and times are notoriously inaccurate I have found. We haven’t had daily meetings in a year here and it still shows them on AA’s website.
The storms are starting to fire around my county. This gets me sooooo excited! We could use a shower and the thunder would also be nice. I guess I am just an old weather romantic – enjoying the drama of a storm.
14 comments:
Hope your dad feels better real soon!
Have a good day Andrew. :-)
i've gotten a kick out of your comments on my FB posts. it really does make a difference when folks stop to comment or give a "thumbs up".
my blog has become mostly photos of my dogs, my husband, the barn, etc.. i made home movies and add music. it's rare that i talk about anything of importance.
but i've been meaning to talk about stuff, so i'm going to try blogging about more personal things.
you're my "good example" of someone who writes about their lives in an honest way.
Surely there's a contact phone for Lafayette AA? Can you call them? I'm really glad you're going so often and also online meetings.
I hope you'll not judge your readership from the number of comments. Clearly you have a lot of people who read you, but not everyone feels comfortable commenting. If you don't want to write, then don't write. But don't shut it down because you aren't getting comments.
I miss thunderstorms. Out here, they mean fire danger in the summer, and they put me (and everybody else) on edge. We have some in the spring sometimes, but not the really good ones like you get there. I loved watching them, although I don't like the possibility of tornadoes.
Re the Cokes: try the decaffeinated ones, or at least make them half and half. That'll help cut down on that addiction. They make caffeine-free diet Cokes, you know, so that all's left is the taste.
Hope the edginess dissipates. Do you think the storms contribute to it -- the barometric pressure? I do...
dont any of your medications come with extended release so they last all day?
You are probably addicted to caffeine from all the cokes you drink...you will suffer withdrawal if you dont get your caffeine...You could be addicted to worse substances...are you still drinking coffee?
Only thing on the map here is to the southwest. So far.
The fact that your sister deleted you touched a nerve. My niece at some point removed tags of herself as a baby from my photo albums. I don't know if it's because she thinks they're shitty pictures or if she doesn't want to be associated with my crazy ass. Either way, it hurt my feelings.
My anxiety has been really high today. Reading your blog is a comfort. Thank you.
Do you ever think your dad will retire? I'm sure he doesnt need to keep working...
Andrew, thank you for talking about your illness! I am proud of you for going "live." That is a wonderful thing. My son is currently in training for a job on a Warm Line for those who are afflicted with mental illness. He's really excited about it.
Oh, and I just had a wonderful pop up shower here. Like, it popped up right over the house. I had a cat and a dog piled on top of me because the thunder and lightning were so intense. :p
I 'look' at FB but am not totally involved. Don't do games or anything like that. Not enough time in the day. And I've never twittered. Lots of people saying stupid things about stuff they're under educated about -- it's just too upsetting. (But besides that, I don't have an opinion) :)
Hope your dad feels better soon!
PS -- I love t-storms, too!
I rarely drink soda anymore these days. I weaned myself off by mixing a little caffeine free into the caffeinated cola, and added more caffeine free until I was able to stop drinking it altogether. Every now and then I still get an urge but I've learned to like fruit juice and water with lemon. Never thought I would be able to do it but it IS doable. Just a thought.
I think there's a place for FB and another for blogging. One doesn't replace the other. I'm really glad to see you on FB, though. That's instant, ya know?
Can't wait to hear if the meeting took place.
Don't put too much thought into your sisters actions. Everyone deals with things in their own time. You have to deal with what life has dealt you, your sister can choose to look the other way. Don't you be embarrassed though. It takes a strong person to just be themselves and put the truth out there.
Andrew
I dont know if it would help but when my husband would go through this with his medications he started a hobby. One of things he really liked was making stained glass(the took a class on it) he also took a yoga class, and even took up knitting to give him something to do wiht his hands. It wasnt always perfect but alot of days it centered his mind.
kelly
Hi there,
I just wanted you to know that your sister is still showing as your FB friend, she didn't delete you. Don't know why you didn't see her on your list before. And, don't ever be worried about sharing about your mental illness... I think it is great and will help people in ways that you may never even know!
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