I am feeling tons of anxiety, but I won’t belabor you all with it. I get as tired of bitchin’ and moanin’ about it as you all do hearing about it. I am just going to have to learn to live with it it seems. I just feel this terrible knot in my stomach like impending doom.
Got another letter from George today. He is growing prolific. In it, he talked about how bad the prison food is and how his mother has been supplementing his diet with money for the commissary. I called Mrs. Florene and thanked her for that. She was all interested in how I was doing today – ever mindful of others and not herself.
Tonight may end my smoking career. I am on my last pack and dad apparently didn’t get my message yesterday that I needed more. He was still sick last night and I didn’t press the issue – just choosing to let it slide. My anxiety today is forcing me not to call for more. I worry I will have extra anxiety from quitting, but I guess it won’t kill me. I’ve been saying that a lot about my anxiety lately. It won’t kill me. It’s true but hard to put into practice when you feel like shit.
Lots of storms starting to fire around us. North Alabama is getting hit hard this hour with severe warnings coming out every few minutes. I get so excited about this as I said yesterday. The storms and rain bring me joy and break up the monotony that can be my day.
It is grocery day and I am running low on food. I ate two tins of fish steaks with mustard for lunch. I added extra mustard to “spice” it up some. It was pretty good to my surprise. I have one can left and I am officially out of food except for a loaf of bread in the freezer. I need to get it out and defrost. I could always make mayonnaise sandwiches if I got hungry.
7 comments:
Cold turkey on cigarettes is so hard. Is your father feeling any better? I hate the thought of you all alone with all your anxiety. And food? You need food.
Been away from your blog for a bit -- when did George go to jail? How long will he have to stay there? Didn't you used to go over to his house and his mom would cook for you? I guess that's not happening now. I'm so sorry.
You need to get some food in the house -- canned soup, perhaps some tuna, some frozen dinners. Most of the grocery stores here have online ordering and delivery services, but I bet they don't have that in rural Alabama.
Keep us posted on your dad's recovery.
Kathy, George went to jail a few months back for a DUI he got. It was like his sixth and they sent him to jail for a year and six months. Mrs. Florene still cooks for me from time to time although I am shy about going much to her chagrin. It is just not the same without George there.
Mom came with groceries a few minutes ago. I've still got to put them up only putting the frozen things in the freezer. I keep hoping for some of Happyone's ice cream! LOL
I only could quit smoking because it was a stable period in my life.
Anxiety comes and goes and with all the stuff going on in your life and changing meds it's no wonder. Just think about it. We can never see the causes while we are going through it, but looking back you can see where it stems from. It's going to get better Andrew.
Hey...this comment is for a post you wrote earlier where you said you were thinking of stopping the blog. Please dontd do that!
I switched blog addresses then in a fit, I deleted my old blog. I regret it. I wish there was some system like they have for nuclear bombs where you need at least two people to turn the keys or press the buttons. It is too easy to delete blogs and impossible to get them back.
So, keep on keeping on no matter how many or few comments you get.
Your blog is not boring.
I feel the need to lecture you, friend, so watch out, here it comes!
Get help quitting. Dont be so impuslive, to just stop cold turkey. It wont last, imo. Google "stop smoking", you will find non profits that offer telephone support, the patch (for free sometimes) and assistance to set a stop date and help to get thru it.
As u know, you cannot stop drinking alone, so a heavy 2 pack a day smoker likely will have the same outcome.
lecture over, you may now return to your regularly scheduled blogging.
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