This morning will be the first day in many years that my medications aren’t forced upon me. I called dad last night and explained to him what was going on – that I had a new doctor and that I am getting my prescriptions filled elsewhere. He didn’t really know what to say, but he told me I was on my own now – that I couldn’t come running to him when I got in a mental illness mess as he surmised would happen. I said fine. I just want some autonomy.
“It is going to come at a high cost,” he said. “You are so mentally ill that you can’t think straight or think rationally for yourself.”
I told him I loved him deeply and that I was very sorry for all of this. I had to do it though. I was dying emotionally and mentally for years. I have self esteem for the first time in ages. So many good things are happening in my life that it is too late to turn back now. I’ve tasted some success and freedom, and it is intoxicating.
I found myself just exhausted this morning. Emotionally spent after last night. It has been a busy past few weeks both mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am going to work my four hours this morning hoping work is slow and come home and rest. I am not mowing lawns this afternoon and will save them for the weekend. Today is going to be a “me” day. Money can wait. My only real pressing goal is to get up some business cards for my yard care business. I hope work has a kit were I can print these out with my printer at home.
13 comments:
Andrew,
I am so proud of you. Stick to your plan. Your blog friends are right in stressing moderation. That is the key. I agree, too, that you should skip the sunset brews until you have adapted to your new meds. Your Dad will come around. He is in 'shock' right now and he, too, has to adapt to the 'new' Andrew!
You are doing an excellent job, kiddo!
A day for yourself sounds good. Enjoy the rest and take care of yourself.
Good for you. Try Vistaprint. You can get *free* business cards....
Many blessings to you, my friend. It's going to be a long journey, with many bumps in the road, but you can do it. You're strong.
Good for you. Try Vistaprint. You can get *free* business cards....
Many blessings to you, my friend. It's going to be a long journey, with many bumps in the road, but you can do it. You're strong.
Hope you get some rest today!
I use Microsoft Publisher to print biz cards. It came with Word so, to me, it was free. If you want a more pro look, Vistaprint will run you under $10 (inc. s&h) and you will get 500 biz cards. I am sooo proud of you! I know I tell you all the time but I am. Why don't you just be honest with your therapist and tell her you have a couple of beers every so often? She won't be shocked and you'll get better care.
You seem to be doing really well.
I will keep you in my prayers. I care about you.
Have a great "me" day. Rest and relax.
I was also going to suggest vistaprint.com for business cards. You can get a set of free cards, but you do pay for shipping.
I'm glad you're taking control of things, but be careful to not burn bridges.
Don't be so down about dad's reaction. Look how quickly he turned around when you got your job. Didn't take him long to fill your car up with gas and buy your cigarettes! And mom's still getting your groceries!
He just has to blow off some steam and act like an angry bear for a little while. When he sees this working, he'll come around to your side again . . . he won't be able to help himself!
Find a smile. You have to stop letting him dictate what kind of day you're going to have!
You KNOW I love you,
Grannie
Holy Cow! "Busy past few weeks" is right. Annabel says something very interesting and wise.
I agree with Annabel, don't burn any bridges.
You took a huge stand when you told your dad about your new doc and new meds. I hope he will come around and support you. Just stay in touch with him and let him know how well you are doing.
I think you got some good advice from Grannie and Annabel. I think you can handle it. Give yourself time to adjust to all the new things in your life and have a chance to really see if your new meds work for you. You have adjusted so many things that I think you need the me time. Dad will come around if you can make all of this work and if not Andrew well at least you will know in your own heart that you gave it a try. I believe there is a happy medium for you somewhere in all of this. It's up to you to figure out what that is.
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