You know what? Despite all my father’s faults, I love him dearly. I felt so dirty about how I wrote about him today and I am sorry to you all for writing like that. I am just going to carry on with the current status quo and not change a thing. Dad is still going to balk some, but things will quiet down in a few weeks given time I hope. He still strongly believes I am going to have a mental “episode” and end up not able to work thus being dependent on him again for everything. He just worries about me in his own weird way. I love him and I am going to quit writing disparagingly about him. It might take quite a few more months for him to come to terms with much of my new found independence. For eight years, he pretty much ran my life for me. This has all got to be very scary for him as he feels so out of control and unable to lead me through what he believes is the best course for my life. He pretty much planned out my brother’s and sister’s lives for them as well. It is no coincidence that they both graduated from Tulane in biomedical engineering and both became doctors of oncology. Love you, dad, and I am sorry. I know this hurts, but I had to do it.
15 comments:
Of course you will always love your dad, but that doesnt excuse some of his behavior..I am sure I do things that aggravate my kids, but I try not to interfere in their business...I am sure they would say I do anyway..
its ok its your own blog , you can write what you want . we all feel that way about our parents and kids at one time or another , it will go no further than us , you have selected us as trusted and i for one wont break it . that is unless you have your family on here and they are reading it lol but your dad knows u love him , hes scared for you that s all , hes all blustery and stuff , go tell him you love him and give him a big hug , that always helps :)
I think what your dad ultimately would want is for your life to be normal and for you to be independent. Of course he is afraid and I do believe he will relax some in time. Only so much though, a control freak is always a control freak. But that is his problem really, not yours.
You are a very good son.
I know you love your dad, but you are an adult and need to be treated as one. There are control issues on his part, but you can still request that he respect you as another human being and adult that is getting better and better mentally by the day. Time will prove to him you are getting better only because you have taken charge of your life. Besides it is your blog. :-)
Your relationship with your dad is complicated. We know you love him, not to worry.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that he can relax and learn to support the changes u are making.
Jonathon, the problem that I have with it is that you always end up feeling like you're the bad guy.
If you were to speak to him the way that he jumps on you, he would say you needed more medication, LOL!
Just remember that him flying off the handle is NOT your fault.
Do your best not to go to his level and strike back. It would not do either of you any good at all.
You are handeling all of this so very well! Be proud! Oh - and you said to remind you - don't drink!
Love ya,
Grannie
I never doubted that you love your dad, but I know how frustrating it can be sometimes.
When I married my husband 25 years ago, he was very sensitive. We finally had this saying: "Just because I am pissed off doesn't mean I don't love you, it means you pissed me off!"
I see that in your relationship with your dad. Hey, it's your blog, vent if you like!
Jan
What you shared about your father was your emotions. Never apologize for that. I hope in time your father will see how well you're doing and things will calm down.
Vent anytime you want to! You're entitled to voice your displeasure with your Dad and the tactics he uses to control you. Remember you aren't responsible for his actions, you can only be responsible for your own. You don't need to apologize on his behalf, and you don't have to apologize for being honest about your feelings. Having had a rather complicated relationship with my late mother I can tell you that we can love our parents, but not always like them or what they do. We're well aware that you love your Dad, and that you need to blow off steam every now and then. It's ok with us.
You are on the right path.
It was only when I stopped expecting my mom to be what I thought I deserved and also stopped taking her personal that I was able to have a different relationship with her.
It is about him--not about you.
You are on the right path.
It was only when I stopped expecting my mom to be what I thought I deserved and also stopped taking her personal that I was able to have a different relationship with her.
It is about him--not about you.
It is tough but you need to do what is best for you. Keep your chin up!
I understood that you love your dad. I don't think that your not wanting to be controlled by him has anything to do with your loving or not loving. It has to do with your own sense of self. And that has increased a lot with a job and a girl friend. Old habits will die hard and your father has a habit of controlling. Eventually the light may dawn for him.
Once again you amaze me that you come to the perfect conclusion to a trying situation. I really believe he just needs time to be assured that you really can handle it, and i believe you have the strength and wisdom to go it slow and let everyone get comfortable with the new status quo.
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