Steps in the Right Direction…

Roguemort is Going to Save the Day!

I called Roguemort Key and Lock Service to come and have the locks changed on the house today.  It is going to be kind of expensive but it must be done for my privacy’s sake.  My anxiety issues just can’t take those uninvited visits in the middle of the night when I am trying to sleep. I go to bed at nine. Dad just will not respect any boundaries that I will set. My home will be a safe-house for a change from him. The only other person who is going to have a key is Stacey. The company van will be here around four the guy on the phone said.  I also asked what it would cost to get the locks changed on my car as well and the man estimated it would be around $300 dollars for my Honda. I will have to wait on that not wanting to spend the money just yet and hope dad doesn’t get a wild hair up his butt to take my car away from me.  It is not beyond the realm of possibilities as far as he is concerned as mom has keys to my car. I am unsure whether the title is in my name or his.  He said last night that he is intent on punishing me for not taking my medications.  His first form of punishment was to no longer buy my cigarettes anymore. I said that was fine – that was part of my plan of independence anyway.  With me paying for them, that might just be the impetus I need to quit – cigarettes being so very expensive these days.  I probably will quit very soon as it is very uncomfortable at work the time I have to go without a cigarette. It grows tiresome to have to deal with that addiction and to obsess over when my next smoke will be. 

My Brother, The Advocate…

“I talked to dad about you late last night,” my brother told me on my cellphone at work as I was gathering some carts. “I told him he was out of line and was causing you more harm than good mentally.  You have every right to make your own choices about your own mental healthcare. Dad is just obsessed with you and those medications and that injection.”

“It is really not about my mental health,” I told my brother. “It is about a method of social and behavioral control. Dad thinks I will be like mom as she was when we were growing up.  You know how manic and crazy she was for years we all thought. She was just a strong willed woman. High dosages of Zyprexa made her sleepy, malleable, and complacent – solving all of dad’s marital problems.  He can control her every move now.  He used to couldn't tell her what to do for anything in the world.”

“Mom slept all night, then all day yesterday as well,” my brother told me worriedly. “That’s just not normal. Especially with your grandchildren in town.”

“I know,” I replied. “She is over-medicated like I was.  That’s why I couldn’t work or live my life.  I was in a stupor all the time. I felt terrible.”

“Well, things should be quiet for awhile for a change for you on the medication front,” my brother said reassuring me. “Dad promised me he was going lay off you about the medications. I told him he must trust your new doctor. We head back to Washington tomorrow.  I will bring the girls over to see you before we leave for the airport. Love you bro.”

“I love you, too,” I told him. “And I look forward to seeing my nieces tomorrow. Thank you!”

A Concerned Supervisor…

Work went fine this morning with me settling back into my usual routines.  Bringing in the carts is so cathartic for me giving me peace as I daydream constantly as I gather them. It is nice to stay busy and have something to do with my time that is self esteem boosting and money making. My doctor had told me it would take about 24 hours for the previous day’s medications to get out of my system.  Around nine I was feeling like a million bucks again.  It was almost as if this wave of relief enveloped me.  My anxiety I was experiencing dissipated. That buzz from all those medications went away.   I felt invigorated and less fatigued, and worked ever harder for the rest of the day. I didn’t even hang out in electronics today doting over my carts and keeping them lined up outside and inside for the greeter to hand out. 

“How are you feeling today, doll?” my supervisor asked me as we stood at one point to the side of the store this morning during one of my cigarette breaks.

“I’m fine,” I told her smiling. “I took steps for what happened yesterday not to happen again. You won’t be bothered with anymore drama out of me.”

My supervisor gave me a hug and told me she was glad to have the old me back in action.  She said I was far less drama than most of the workers she had had recently.  I was glad to have the old me back as well.

George Writes Again…

“I don’t want my aunt coming to my parole hearing,” George wrote me yesterday. “Talk to mom about it.  She will tell them what a terrible drinker I was.  She can’t keep her mouth shut.”  I smiled.  George’s aunt sure is irascible, but George is in jail for like his sixth or seventh DUI.  It will be obvious to the parole board that he has had a drinking problem.  I recently saw in the news where a man who got his ninth DUI got a life sentence in jail.  George is a very lucky man to get off so lightly. It is now just twenty days until George’s parole hearing.  Waiting is half the battle – especially for George. Now, if we can only get a positive ruling and get George home then all of us will be happy.  And my life will only get more interesting for sure.  I am most certainly going to be George’s chauffer when he arrives home – him not being able to drive.

Lawn Care Happenings…

Sunday will start another round of lawn mowing. I look forward to it. I guess I am like Forrest Gump when it comes to mowing lawns. I don’t dread it at all and enjoy the money. It has rained so much lately and all the grass is growing by leaps and bounds – a boon for my business.  I will have to mow mine, Joyce’s and Mr. Ed’s lawns.  I also have my six other regular customers to take care of.  I hope I can get most of them done Sunday, but this will probably take up the first part of the next week as well.  I had one more call yesterday about mowing a lawn.  This time it was from a business card I had left in the door of a house on one of my rounds around the neighborhood many weeks ago. It was from a man who lives a few blocks over.  I haven’t been actively looking for new customers, though. The calls have been trickling in through my business cards being out in the world around town.  If work continues to go well and I continue to get more comfortable with fulltime work, then I will start hitting the streets again looking for new clients. I always get so excited when I will get a call like I did yesterday for work.  That means $25 more dollars in the coffers -- $25 more dollars towards my iPad.  My saving’s account is steadily accumulating money. 

Annabel Has a Boyfriend…

Annabel’s blog has probably been one of the longest running blogs I have read over the years. She was one of only two readers I had when I started this current rendition of my blogging efforts.   I am proud to report she may have a new boyfriend and this excites me to no end.  You want your blog friends to have a good and exciting life. It makes for such interesting blog fodder.  They kissed for the first time and I know that feeling well from my and Stacey’s first kiss when we started dating.  They went out to eat at Outback – one of my and Stacey’s favorite restaurants. I can’t wait to see how this unfolds and will continue to read along and hope for the best for her and Mathew.

On Drinking…

I have no desire to take a drink these days and it is absolutely amazing after all the years I drank so heavily.  I no more want to get drunk than a man on the moon.  Stacey asked me the other day how I quit drinking and I had to thank my father for that.  His obsessive control of my drinking habits caused me to grow acclimated and used to not drinking on a regular basis.  Also, I never had hangovers when I drank heavily. Now? They are terrible.  The other week when I drank those three glasses of wine, I almost couldn’t function the next day staying in the bed for hours feeling like the dregs of society.  Drinking is also very expensive these days.  A cheap six pack now costs at least four or five dollars when it used to only cost two or three.  I am too frugal to do that anymore. I have much better things to spend my money on than getting drunk. I never drank beer for the taste.  I drank beer only to get drunk.