Risperdal Consta Begone!

Qui?

• I found it hilarious and interesting yesterday that I got a comment yesterday from a foreigner with a French sounding name disparaging Americans and their proclivity for food.  Isn’t French cuisine supposed to be the bastion and watermark for world cuisine? lol  People are so interesting.   My grandmother used to always say if you ain’t got something good to say, then don’t say anything it all.  This would be a good comment guideline to live by for some people.

  Pictures of Kim…

• Everybody wants pictures of Kim and I.  I am extremely scared to do this because of stalkers such as Marsha (who actually called my father’s pharmacy trying to reach him) reading my blog.  Kim is actually not her real name – just a name I use for her for blog purposes.  I have already revealed too much with saying we both work at Walmart and she works at the Jewelry counter.  One of my stalkers could easily drive to town or cause her problems by calling work if I used her real name or posted a picture.  It is a dangerous Catch-22 for me.  I have also never posted pictures of George and gang, or Mrs. Florene for the very same reason.  I once posted a picture of Clara, the homeless lady I wrote about, and Rosa and it was a terrible mistake to do.  I got a lot of disparaging remarks on how ugly Rosa was and it deeply hurt my feelings.

  Blog Advice…

• My comment section on this blog is rife with advice and it can be dizzying to know what to do.  So much advice about my eating and drinking habits.  Medications.  Psychiatric care.  I know it is all well meaning, but I am easily swayed by people much like a child being taught by a parent.  For so long, I have been told by my parents how to live life that it can be hard for me to chose my own course.  I want to please everyone and make them happy.  Dad says him and I both are people pleasers and we need to work on this.

  No More Risperdal Consta…

• This morning marks the first Tuesday in almost six years that I do not get my injection of anti-psychotic on the ole derrière.  I am kind of nervous wondering how I will feel come late afternoon today as my medication levels continue to drop from 6mg to 3mg a day.  I am also going to miss that feeling of intense euphoria I would get after every injection.  It was my one last guilty pleasure on the addiction front other than caffeine.  Dad remarked last night that he is extremely wary of how I will do – very worried I will have a psychotic break.  Let’s hope for the best and hope I do fine.

  Where did the Bulimia Go?

• One of my hardest addictions to break – much harder than alcohol – was my food addiction.  Most people in my life and on the blog never took this nearly as seriously as my tendency to drink too much alcohol.   It was much more likely to kill me and cause the most ill health effects.  I was malnourished for years.  I can now happily say that this month, I have finally gotten my bulimia under control.  I eat when I am hungry, but I can only eat small amounts at a time not to feel too full.  If I get too full, then it is disaster on the bulimia front.  I will purge – feeling this intense feeling of anxiety that I will get fat again.  I have learned to carefully control my food intake and I probably eat five or more small meals a day to combat my food addiction and the binging and purging.  Dad has been so proud of this and says he can see the nourishment of my body in my eyes, skin, and face. 

  A Break in the Weather…

• It has been so intensely hot here.  The Weather Channel keeps making aspersions about global warming, but we are breaking records set back in the 80s when global warming wasn’t even on the radar.  According to recent scientific reports, all the planets are warming so it is just not an Earth related phenomenon.  Sometimes, I think the media and the powers that be always need to have a set of issues to keep us preoccupied, distracted, and worried.  America has constantly had foes to fight since last century – be it terrorists, Korea, Iran, the Russians, or the Germans.  Now, illegal immigration seems to be a growing concern and hot topic – on the radar so to speak.  I say let them in the country and put them legally to work to better our nation.  Haven’t we always been the melting pot of the world?  Our nation was founded on immigrants.

  Have you ever been in the dilemma of making too much money?

• That’s the position I find myself in these days.  My yard care business is putting  me over the limit set by Social Security for “gainful employment”.  I have been in an ethical quandary about reporting this income to Social Security as I must do every month.  I have decided to lay off the yard care business and just concentrate on my more mainstream and controllable job.  I am not being lazy mind you, nor making excuses not to work.  I just have to be extremely careful when Social Security is concerned.  Also, my three year review is coming up soon.  I expect the paperwork in the mail at mom and dad’s any month now. I am not especially concerned now that I have learned I can support myself again, but my parents are in a frenzy over this knowing any day the ball could drop.  What if I am not actually mentally ill and was just chemically dependent for years?  Should I even be on disability?  It is an interesting question to ask and something that we are going to start exploring probably pretty soon as I will be deemed fit for a return to full time work.