It is Going to be a Great Grocery Day!

Mom has called three times this morning obsessing over my groceries. “I know you get so tired of eating the same things every week,” she said. “What do you want different this week?”   “Get me  chocolate Poptarts instead of blueberry,” I replied feeling adventurous. “Also get me roasted turkey instead of ham this week for my sandwiches.  I’ve eaten enough ham sandwiches for a lifetime.”   “Anything else?” mom asked.  “Just six cans of beefaroni,” I told her. “I cook two cans for 14 minutes in the microwave and they come out perfect that way.”  Kim thinks I am so pampered that my mother still buys my groceries every Monday.  It is one her least favorite tasks to do saying the whole ordeal makes her nervous.

The Grocery List for this Week…

• 1 extra large jar of Jif creamy peanut butter.

• 1 large bunch of bananas.

• 2 packages of sliced deli style pepperjack cheese. 

• 1 large tub of pimento cheese spread.

• 1 box of Ritz crackers.    

• 6 cans of beeferoni.

• 2 boxes of chocolate Poptarts

• 6 “Steams to perfection” pasta bowls like chicken carbonarra.

• 10 Marie Callender frozen meals.  Chicken and broccoli fettuccini being my favorite followed by lasagna.

• 4 2-liters of diet coke.

• 2 loaves of giant Sunbeam bread.

• 2 packages of sliced roasted smoked turkey breast.

• 1 large jar of Blueplate Mayonnaise.

• 8 Gala apples

• 6 oranges

Helen Meal Friday…

• I was remiss in writing about Helen’s meal Friday.  I had requested meat loaf and that is what Helen cooked.  Helen cooks some of the best meat loaf I have ever tasted.  We also had fried okra, mashed potatoes, English peas, and biscuits. It was much better than the bland diet fare she has been cooking for months.  Dad grumbled some about my choice of meals saying we can’t do that every week if my mother is to lose more weight. 

  Helen’s Money Troubles…

• Mom was complaining on the phone this morning about Helen constantly borrowing money from her.  I love Helen and Helen can do no wrong in my book and I didn’t want to listen to mom bitch about it.  “She borrowed $40 more dollars today,” mom said. “I am too soft hearted to say no.”   I felt this sense of irony as for years mom wouldn’t even let me have a dollar and she is constantly letting her maid and hired help borrow money from her.

  The Sunset Brew Ritual Ended…

• Did anyone else notice this?  The sunset brew ritual just fell out of favor with me.  It would often still be 88 degrees when I would walk down to the convenience store and park around nine.  Too hot for my blood.  And I am finding I don’t like the “out of control” feeling alcohol imparts on me these days.  My mind will just race vigorously after a few drinks of that alcohol laden Steel Reserve “alcoholic” beer.  Kim has been buying me a six pack of Heineken every week, but it takes about a week for me to drink it.  I still occasionally enjoy a beer before bed when I am reading and relaxing.

  The Great Computer Upgrade Race for Naught?

• I was thinking this morning of how I just have to have the fastest computer on the block which is ironic in that I only use my computer to write blog posts and read other blogs.  I do use Twitter, but not that much.  I was thinking how wasteful was all the money I’ve spent on upgrading my computer lately when I no longer play video games which requires an extremely fast computer.  I have decided to not spend that $400 dollars on video cards now.  I am just going to be happy with how things are now.  It’s really a hobby, but a very expensive hobby that I’ve got to stop participating in.  I say that and now I want to buy a much bigger LCD monitor for my computer – my 22'”  Samsung seeming small these days.

  Mystery Meat…

• George wrote today that they have lots of mystery meat in the prison cantina. I laughed envisioning in my mind strange blobs of brown foodstuff.  “I don’t know if I am eating pork or beef,” he wrote. “And the chicken is so dry you could scrape the paint off a car!”  I wrote him back this morning saying honestly that prison wasn’t supposed to be a walk in the park.  He also wrote that no guards were involved in the fight with his cellmate the other morning.  I breathed a sigh of relief and so did Mrs. Florene when I called her this morning about it.  He didn’t write her and tell her he had been in a fight not to worry her.  I spilled the beans this morning I am sure much to George’s chagrin.

  Am I Cured?

• I had another good mental illness and anxiety free day yesterday.  That makes like 5 days in a row that I have had incredible days on that front.  I keep thinking that maybe all these years nothing was really wrong with me other than alcohol abuse and excessive over medicating.  I was on such a literal chemical stew of psychotropic medications that it was hard to know what drug was causing the problems.  It is so nice not to be labeled “mentally ill” and all the stigma that comes associated with it.  I think anxiety is normal for everyone and I am learning to deal with it in a healthy manner instead my old ways of drinking myself into oblivion.  I also realize a lot of my social anxiety had to do with my lack of self esteem.  I am finding myself more confident and assured in social situations these days as I am so proud of myself and what all I’ve accomplished in over a month.

  Klonopin Control…

• Benzodiazepine's are so addictive and I am finding myself wary of this.  I had read horror stories of withdrawal on mental illness related message boards lately.  I want to come of this drug and have been trying.  My new psychiatrist would also like to see me come off this drug because of the side effects and the addictive nature of the drug.  I’ve been taking my two 1mg Klonopin at night most nights lately to get to sleep.  I have found I no longer need one before work to get by and work my job.  The past two nights I have taken only one before bed to cut down – effectively cutting my daily dosage in half.  So far, so good.  I am not feeling any withdrawal or anxiety.  I will ask my doctor Wednesday to cut my dose down to .5mg to take before bed for a few weeks and then we will quit taking it for good.  I am thinking of asking for a sleeping aid such as Lunesta, though.  I have a terrible time falling asleep these days.  It can take about an hour before I drift off. 

  Gotta Have my Cokes!

• A few people wrote this morning about me getting off diet Coke and artificial sweeteners.  I mused over the idea, but then decided to keep things in perspective.  For probably a year, I drank 24 light beers a day.  A few diet Cokes and some aspartame are tame in comparison.  I am just not going to sweat the small stuff and will continue to drink my diet Cokes and Crystal Light.  I could have far worse addictions to contend with.