It continues to pour down rain here. It has rained continuously since Saturday. Wave after wave of rain is coming out of the Gulf of Mexico. I am pretty much stuck in the house. If you were homeless then this weather would be absolutely miserable. I would be stuck in my tent for days on end with nothing to do but to read or listen to the radio. Just the simple task of relieving yourself would prove to be an interesting and wet experience. At least the sound of the rain falling is comforting and soothing.
I found a website where people with mental illnesses can meet up and become pen pals. It is a free service and has over 3000 people signed up so far. I am talking to five people and it is becoming a chore keeping up with their emails and responding back. It is turning out to be hard work. They write A LOT and I feel like I have to respond in kind. Most of these people are either homebound and/or unemployed so they have a lot of time to write.
One fellow I am speaking with has schizophrenia as well. He believed his family were werewolves and that his mission was to kill them. Scary eh? They got him on some medicine and his delusions went away. It shows you how dangerous this disease can be. Luckily, I never had violent tendencies just extreme paranoia as if I was being watched or followed. That and I thought God was communicating with me through the television and the internet.
One lady I am corresponding with writes very well and it is a pleasure to read her emails. We have become fast friends and talk everyday. She lives a few hours away from me in Mississippi. She has schizoaffective disorder. She is 27 and still lives at home with her parents. It is nice to be able to talk to other people who understand what those of us with mental illnesses go through.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
Rainy Day Blues
I find myself very depressed today and extremely lonely. It is the weather I believe. It is dank, chilly, and overcast. My hopes for interesting weather were dashed by this unwelcome turn of events. No thunder. No lightning. Just drizzle and chilly air.
I camped out in the yard last night. The sound of the patter of rain on my tent fabric was comforting. I laid there for the longest time listening to my radio. It was a cool night and I slept well in my sleeping bag. I awoke this morning to a drizzle and got dressed. I came inside and fixed a pot of coffee and some toast.
I have nothing to do today and feel out of sorts. Computer games do not interest me. I am in a rut as far as finding anything interesting to read on the internet. I haven’t even turned on my television in over four weeks. I have read every book in the house. What to do? I don’t know. I have a full tank of gas and may take a long drive out into the country. A few long, winding dirt roads may do some good to lift my spirits.
I camped out in the yard last night. The sound of the patter of rain on my tent fabric was comforting. I laid there for the longest time listening to my radio. It was a cool night and I slept well in my sleeping bag. I awoke this morning to a drizzle and got dressed. I came inside and fixed a pot of coffee and some toast.
I have nothing to do today and feel out of sorts. Computer games do not interest me. I am in a rut as far as finding anything interesting to read on the internet. I haven’t even turned on my television in over four weeks. I have read every book in the house. What to do? I don’t know. I have a full tank of gas and may take a long drive out into the country. A few long, winding dirt roads may do some good to lift my spirits.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Money in My Gas Tank
Well, I had my first call for work yesterday evening. An elderly man called and wanted me to start cutting his grass every week and trimming up. I was there at 7:30 this morning. I did him a very good job and he paid me $25 dollars. I used the money to fill up my car and buy some more gas for my mower and weed eater. It felt so good, I tell ya! I am good at yard work and very thorough. I aim to please.
Dweeb, thanks for the ideas. I printed out some flyers and put one in the window and on the counter at my father’s pharmacy.
I was very disappointed at the cloud cover this morning. We need the heat of the sun to produce popup thunderstorms. I am hoping these clouds will burn off later in the day and it will warm up. I had my hopes up for some interesting weather. So far, it is just cool and overcast. Good weather to work in but not good for the amateur meteorologist in me.
Now, I need to walk over and feed my parent’s cats. I know they are hungry and will be glad to see me. My mother’s cat is named Muffin and is very shy. I call her “Possum Cat” as she looks like a ring tailed possum with huge nocturnal looking eyes. Luckily, she trusts me and will let me pet her and hold her. I am only one of few she will let do this.
Sorry for such a boring entry. I will try to think up something more fun to read later today.
Dweeb, thanks for the ideas. I printed out some flyers and put one in the window and on the counter at my father’s pharmacy.
I was very disappointed at the cloud cover this morning. We need the heat of the sun to produce popup thunderstorms. I am hoping these clouds will burn off later in the day and it will warm up. I had my hopes up for some interesting weather. So far, it is just cool and overcast. Good weather to work in but not good for the amateur meteorologist in me.
Now, I need to walk over and feed my parent’s cats. I know they are hungry and will be glad to see me. My mother’s cat is named Muffin and is very shy. I call her “Possum Cat” as she looks like a ring tailed possum with huge nocturnal looking eyes. Luckily, she trusts me and will let me pet her and hold her. I am only one of few she will let do this.
Sorry for such a boring entry. I will try to think up something more fun to read later today.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Mundane Afternoon Update
I am obsessed with the weather lately. I found a website from the National Weather Service where you can read as the state meteorologists discuss the weather. I find myself checking this link multiple times a day to read the weather updates.
Today was a gorgeous day in the upper eighties (31 degrees Celsius) with not a cloud in the sky. Tomorrow we get back into the more normal weather pattern in the south of routine afternoon popup thunderstorms. I am excited to see what tomorrow’s weather brings. I love the excitement of watching the storms bubble up in the heat of the afternoon. The only ingredient we need tomorrow is for the dew points to rise and for the humidity to increase.
This weekend Charlie’s family and my family are driving to Louisville, Kentucky for a wedding. My job is to feed Charlie’s dog and my father’s cats. They will be away until next Tuesday.
I found online that I had an expired check due to me from 2001 on the Alabama state dept. of treasury’s website. I had to jump through umpteen hundred hoops to get the required documentation to get the money owed to me. I got the documentation notarized today and it only cost me $2 dollars. By that small amount, I was surprised and relieved.
Luckily, a law passed in 1997 that made it possible for me to still get the expired check. I am assuming that it is a past income tax check that came to my ex-wife and she threw it away. All they would tell me that the amount is greater than $25 dollars. I am very excited that this may be around $100 dollars or maybe even more; only time will tell and I will find out next week. Possible purchases? First thing I am going to do is fill up my car completely and then buy a shitload of groceries to put me ahead of the game on the rest of the month’s budget. Knowing my luck, it will be a check for $25 bucks exactly. lol
Today was a gorgeous day in the upper eighties (31 degrees Celsius) with not a cloud in the sky. Tomorrow we get back into the more normal weather pattern in the south of routine afternoon popup thunderstorms. I am excited to see what tomorrow’s weather brings. I love the excitement of watching the storms bubble up in the heat of the afternoon. The only ingredient we need tomorrow is for the dew points to rise and for the humidity to increase.
This weekend Charlie’s family and my family are driving to Louisville, Kentucky for a wedding. My job is to feed Charlie’s dog and my father’s cats. They will be away until next Tuesday.
I found online that I had an expired check due to me from 2001 on the Alabama state dept. of treasury’s website. I had to jump through umpteen hundred hoops to get the required documentation to get the money owed to me. I got the documentation notarized today and it only cost me $2 dollars. By that small amount, I was surprised and relieved.
Luckily, a law passed in 1997 that made it possible for me to still get the expired check. I am assuming that it is a past income tax check that came to my ex-wife and she threw it away. All they would tell me that the amount is greater than $25 dollars. I am very excited that this may be around $100 dollars or maybe even more; only time will tell and I will find out next week. Possible purchases? First thing I am going to do is fill up my car completely and then buy a shitload of groceries to put me ahead of the game on the rest of the month’s budget. Knowing my luck, it will be a check for $25 bucks exactly. lol
The Death of a Blog
(So Many blogs I read are either dead or idle now.)
When I took down my last blog, I had over 200 visitors a day reading. It almost seemed like a terrible burden but it did motivate you to write. The hard thing about blogging is that if you garner a decent sized readership then you MUST update frequently to keep it. Now, I have maybe a handful of readers and you know what? It is quite nice and I am free now to write about what I want. I can curse and talk about issues with abandon. This leads me to talk about another blogger who recently gave up the ghost and quit.
There is a blog I read mainly out of nostalgia. Not because of the written material. He was a homeless blogger who wrote about politics. Politics bores the shit out of me but I read because I felt a connection with this guy. He stopped writing on May 11 and just disappeared. His name is Michael and he was the original “The Homeless Guy”. He started in 2001 and at the beginning it was just a daily journal of his life. He called it “The Last Day of my Life”.
The most refreshing thing about Michael’s blog was that he didn’t sugar coat being homeless like Kevin Barbieux did. You got to find out exactly what life on the streets in Tampa, Florida was like. It was full of boosting (stealing), drugs, alcohol, and poverty. It was a gritty view of life that brought you back for more as Michael could write about it in an amusing or humorous way. He often wrote that Kevin was full of shit and just an online panhandler. Kevin’s idea for people to make little goody bags for homeless people to help them brought a big laugh from him. He thought the average homeless person would see these good Samaritans as easy marks to be taken advantage of.
Well, today I decided to stop by his blog and to my surprise and sadness he had updated. He has decided that he no longer wants to write a blog and is burned out. I think he hoped he would maybe get a job in a journalistic endeavor but amateur bloggers getting paying gigs is almost unheard of.
The homeless blogging community has lost a great writer and someone I enjoyed reading very much in his pre-politics days. I understand his feelings though and wish him the best. Here’s to the original homeless blogger and the one who wrote honestly about life on the streets. I wish you the best Michael and maybe someday you will rise up out of your homelessness and get that job as a journalist that you’ve always wanted.
When I took down my last blog, I had over 200 visitors a day reading. It almost seemed like a terrible burden but it did motivate you to write. The hard thing about blogging is that if you garner a decent sized readership then you MUST update frequently to keep it. Now, I have maybe a handful of readers and you know what? It is quite nice and I am free now to write about what I want. I can curse and talk about issues with abandon. This leads me to talk about another blogger who recently gave up the ghost and quit.
There is a blog I read mainly out of nostalgia. Not because of the written material. He was a homeless blogger who wrote about politics. Politics bores the shit out of me but I read because I felt a connection with this guy. He stopped writing on May 11 and just disappeared. His name is Michael and he was the original “The Homeless Guy”. He started in 2001 and at the beginning it was just a daily journal of his life. He called it “The Last Day of my Life”.
The most refreshing thing about Michael’s blog was that he didn’t sugar coat being homeless like Kevin Barbieux did. You got to find out exactly what life on the streets in Tampa, Florida was like. It was full of boosting (stealing), drugs, alcohol, and poverty. It was a gritty view of life that brought you back for more as Michael could write about it in an amusing or humorous way. He often wrote that Kevin was full of shit and just an online panhandler. Kevin’s idea for people to make little goody bags for homeless people to help them brought a big laugh from him. He thought the average homeless person would see these good Samaritans as easy marks to be taken advantage of.
Well, today I decided to stop by his blog and to my surprise and sadness he had updated. He has decided that he no longer wants to write a blog and is burned out. I think he hoped he would maybe get a job in a journalistic endeavor but amateur bloggers getting paying gigs is almost unheard of.
The homeless blogging community has lost a great writer and someone I enjoyed reading very much in his pre-politics days. I understand his feelings though and wish him the best. Here’s to the original homeless blogger and the one who wrote honestly about life on the streets. I wish you the best Michael and maybe someday you will rise up out of your homelessness and get that job as a journalist that you’ve always wanted.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Skeletons In My Closet
I originally wanted to title this post “Reflections”. I am reflecting on times past tonight. My mother saw my ex-wife at a local Mexican restaurant tonight. Of course, my mother had to call me and tell me about it in her usual gossipy way. She said Rachel was very cordial and genteel. She also gossiped to me that she had gained significant weight. I can’t imagine Rachel being any more overweight than she was when we were married. She was so short in stature.
After I hung up the phone, I felt as if a dagger were thrust into my heart. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I felt as if I had seen the specter of a long lost loved one. We have been apart for so long but the very mention of contact with her still brings an overwhelming emotional response from me. When will I ever shake loose from the impact this woman had/has upon me?
After I hung up the phone, I felt as if a dagger were thrust into my heart. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I felt as if I had seen the specter of a long lost loved one. We have been apart for so long but the very mention of contact with her still brings an overwhelming emotional response from me. When will I ever shake loose from the impact this woman had/has upon me?
May the Force Be With You
I just returned from an afternoon matinee showing of Star Wars Episode III. It was a pleasant experience with almost no one in the theater this afternoon. No love struck teenagers or ringing cell phones marred the experience. I snuck in my own refreshments in my backpack. I had some snicker bars and some cokes.
I had downloaded it the night it premiered and watched it on my computer but I wanted the full screen experience. It was well worth the drive down for the Dolby digital surround in the theater. The soundtrack was the most striking aspect of the film for me.
I guess you could say I was “fulfilling my destiny” as they often told Anakin and Luke in the Star Wars universe. I saw the original Star Wars in a now extinct drive in theater in 1977. It was a pleasant summer like evening. My uncle, who was then a teenager in high school, took me and my little brother. It left an indelible impression on my then young mind.
For years afterwards, I wanted to be a noble and just Jedi knight of the republic. I went on to help build George Lucas’ fortune by purchasing almost anything star wars related. My only lasting memorabilia from that time is a T-shirt from my childhood with a speeder trooper on a speeder bike traveling through the woods of Endor emblazed upon it. It still hangs from a clothes hanger in my closet. I kept it mainly because my grandmother bought it for me at a local K-Mart and for nostalgia reasons.
Well, it is time to go find my old VHS copy of the original Star Wars and to spend a pleasant evening reliving those wonderful memories of my youth. I wonder how the old films that I haven’t seen in decades will stand up to the newer ones. Let’s go find out, shall we? Now, I hope that VCR that I haven’t used in years still works……
I had downloaded it the night it premiered and watched it on my computer but I wanted the full screen experience. It was well worth the drive down for the Dolby digital surround in the theater. The soundtrack was the most striking aspect of the film for me.
I guess you could say I was “fulfilling my destiny” as they often told Anakin and Luke in the Star Wars universe. I saw the original Star Wars in a now extinct drive in theater in 1977. It was a pleasant summer like evening. My uncle, who was then a teenager in high school, took me and my little brother. It left an indelible impression on my then young mind.
For years afterwards, I wanted to be a noble and just Jedi knight of the republic. I went on to help build George Lucas’ fortune by purchasing almost anything star wars related. My only lasting memorabilia from that time is a T-shirt from my childhood with a speeder trooper on a speeder bike traveling through the woods of Endor emblazed upon it. It still hangs from a clothes hanger in my closet. I kept it mainly because my grandmother bought it for me at a local K-Mart and for nostalgia reasons.
Well, it is time to go find my old VHS copy of the original Star Wars and to spend a pleasant evening reliving those wonderful memories of my youth. I wonder how the old films that I haven’t seen in decades will stand up to the newer ones. Let’s go find out, shall we? Now, I hope that VCR that I haven’t used in years still works……
A Weird Quirk of Mine
This time of year, the common paper wasp queens are busily tending their nests. I have one very prosperous nest over my back door stoop. The first young of a queen’s brood will not hatch until June so she is the soul car giver of a future empire.
Inevitably, a few wasps make their way inside my apartment as I keep my windows open all day and do not have window screens. It is quite comical to watch me trying to free these seemingly confused and suicidal royal ladies. (They have a nasty sting.) I know that they alone are the sole proprietors of a growing family. The death of one wasp this time of year means the death of possibly ten offspring as the Queen feeds them chewed up insects until they go through metamorphosis and emerge as female workers and are self supporting.
Well, I just saved another would be victim and got a nasty sting on my hand to prove it. Man, it smarts and the old home remedy of rubbing butter on the bite has not helped. Ah, what us good Samaritans go through in our noble causes.
Inevitably, a few wasps make their way inside my apartment as I keep my windows open all day and do not have window screens. It is quite comical to watch me trying to free these seemingly confused and suicidal royal ladies. (They have a nasty sting.) I know that they alone are the sole proprietors of a growing family. The death of one wasp this time of year means the death of possibly ten offspring as the Queen feeds them chewed up insects until they go through metamorphosis and emerge as female workers and are self supporting.
Well, I just saved another would be victim and got a nasty sting on my hand to prove it. Man, it smarts and the old home remedy of rubbing butter on the bite has not helped. Ah, what us good Samaritans go through in our noble causes.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Miscellaneous Observations
As I sat on my front porch this afternoon, I heard the familiar screech of a raptor. I looked up hoping to see a bald eagle but it was some kind of eagle that was brown. He or she was being dogged by a trio of black crows. They pecked and pestered this grand specimen until he or she had flown out of sight. I wonder what the drama was about. Did the eagle threaten the crow’s nest site or do crows compete with eagles for prey? I do know that crows are predatory and omnivorous. I once saw a crow take a starling or cowbird mid-flight from a tree limb and peck it to death upon the ground. Soon other crows joined in on this travesty.
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A stray cat whom I call “Mr. Big Balls” ambled through the back yard today. I call him “Mr. Big Balls” as he is the most well endowed feline I have ever encountered. He ambles along with a sway due to his prominence in that area.
He was busily marking his territory by “spraying” different vegetation. He looked markedly more gaunt and emaciated today. He lay up under my car to take a nap and to escape the afternoon heat. I opened a can of tuna and took it to him. He hungrily lapped up the juices and ate the tuna. He purred loudly as I petted him and rubbed his back. I could feel his ribs and bones by my hand as I rubbed him. Just another sex starved homeless traveler! lol
A stray cat whom I call “Mr. Big Balls” ambled through the back yard today. I call him “Mr. Big Balls” as he is the most well endowed feline I have ever encountered. He ambles along with a sway due to his prominence in that area.
He was busily marking his territory by “spraying” different vegetation. He looked markedly more gaunt and emaciated today. He lay up under my car to take a nap and to escape the afternoon heat. I opened a can of tuna and took it to him. He hungrily lapped up the juices and ate the tuna. He purred loudly as I petted him and rubbed his back. I could feel his ribs and bones by my hand as I rubbed him. Just another sex starved homeless traveler! lol
Making Changes
Much has been going on lately. I have decided to exhaust every avenue available to me for help. I am tired of living on such a meager income. (I am allowed to earn up to $200 dollars extra a month at the present.) Today, I put an ad in the paper for doing yard work of any kind. It cost me $35 dollars to run for 5 days. My first ad will appear in tomorrow’s edition. I wonder if the phone will actually ring. I have my doubts but will be ready to go in the morning if it does. I have a mower, weed eater, and leaf blower. I also bought some hand shears, clippers, and a pair of leather yard gloves.
Another aspect that I started to tackle today is the costs of my medications. My shot costs $280 every two weeks. Recently, I was enrolled into Medicaid and they didn’t cover my medications. I had to drop my private insurance that did cover it. I found on the pharmaceutical company’s website a patient assistance program where they provide my medications at greatly reduced cost or for free according to my income. I printed out all the paperwork and proceeded to start the process. I also have to get my psychiatrist to fill out a form verifying that my insurance doesn’t cover my bi-weekly injection. That will be a daunting task for me to get all the way down to Auburn and persuade her to take the time to fill out the paperwork. (That and to try and keep her from charging me a fortune to do it.)
My car living experiment went very well. It was much easier for me to live on my income without the added expenses of housing, utilities, etc. I had a freedom I haven’t experienced in years from that little venture. It is very doable in the spring and summer time but would be harsh in the winter. I would have to migrate south towards Miami to subvert the cold. The logistics of doing this would prove hard as in getting my SSDI check diverted to another location and such. Also, my much regimented medication schedule would prove troublesome. How would I arrange to keep my injections and/or see the doctor?
Another aspect that I started to tackle today is the costs of my medications. My shot costs $280 every two weeks. Recently, I was enrolled into Medicaid and they didn’t cover my medications. I had to drop my private insurance that did cover it. I found on the pharmaceutical company’s website a patient assistance program where they provide my medications at greatly reduced cost or for free according to my income. I printed out all the paperwork and proceeded to start the process. I also have to get my psychiatrist to fill out a form verifying that my insurance doesn’t cover my bi-weekly injection. That will be a daunting task for me to get all the way down to Auburn and persuade her to take the time to fill out the paperwork. (That and to try and keep her from charging me a fortune to do it.)
My car living experiment went very well. It was much easier for me to live on my income without the added expenses of housing, utilities, etc. I had a freedom I haven’t experienced in years from that little venture. It is very doable in the spring and summer time but would be harsh in the winter. I would have to migrate south towards Miami to subvert the cold. The logistics of doing this would prove hard as in getting my SSDI check diverted to another location and such. Also, my much regimented medication schedule would prove troublesome. How would I arrange to keep my injections and/or see the doctor?
Friday, May 20, 2005
Thunder Rattles My Soul
It is rainy and overcast. Lightning and thunder flash and rumble outside my open windows. This is comforting to me; the kind of weather that I like the most. If only I were in the safe confines of tent out in the woods somewhere. Then the experience would be complete.
I am not doing much; just sitting here drinking a beer and smoking my pipe. The nicotine and alcohol courses through my veins and tantalizes my mind. The sight and sound show outside my window stimulates my senses. Ah, what a wonderful day to be alive.
I am not doing much; just sitting here drinking a beer and smoking my pipe. The nicotine and alcohol courses through my veins and tantalizes my mind. The sight and sound show outside my window stimulates my senses. Ah, what a wonderful day to be alive.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Trying to fix things…..
I am having a good day. I fixed my ex-wife’s laptop that I loaned her. You could no longer dial in to her internet account. I worked for hours and finally got it to dial in. I had to reinstall WindowsXP professional and upgrade all her drivers. I also took the hours to download any updates to windows and install them. She is ready to go and fit for the internet. I feel accomplished in getting this done and getting her back online. It took forever though. I still don’t know what the hell she did to keep her from dialing in but I fixed it.
I am feeling better after my shot and feel much calmer. I want to escape though and the feeling is overwhelming. I want to get back to the woods and live there for awhile. I want to live without to realize how much I have. I want to cook on a fire and sleep in my sleeping bag. I struggle with this. I feel I do not fit in society and that I must escape. I want to run off and live a solitary existence.
I am going to head out to my campground tonight and just take it easy. My next appointment is not until 2:30 PM tomorrow so I have plenty of time to get back. I am going to just rest, listen to my radio, build a big fire and watch its glow from the perimeter. I want to just sit there and listen to the crackle of the fire and the warmth on my face. I want to smell the smoke from the fire and hear the moans and barks from the tree frogs, leopard frogs, and bull frogs. I want to hear that far off whip-O-will and that Owl. I want to feel one with nature.
Well, I must go; I have much to do and many miles to hike before it gets dark. I just need to get away for a bit and take it easy.
I am feeling better after my shot and feel much calmer. I want to escape though and the feeling is overwhelming. I want to get back to the woods and live there for awhile. I want to live without to realize how much I have. I want to cook on a fire and sleep in my sleeping bag. I struggle with this. I feel I do not fit in society and that I must escape. I want to run off and live a solitary existence.
I am going to head out to my campground tonight and just take it easy. My next appointment is not until 2:30 PM tomorrow so I have plenty of time to get back. I am going to just rest, listen to my radio, build a big fire and watch its glow from the perimeter. I want to just sit there and listen to the crackle of the fire and the warmth on my face. I want to smell the smoke from the fire and hear the moans and barks from the tree frogs, leopard frogs, and bull frogs. I want to hear that far off whip-O-will and that Owl. I want to feel one with nature.
Well, I must go; I have much to do and many miles to hike before it gets dark. I just need to get away for a bit and take it easy.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Sleep Deprivation
Thanks for all the comments and support. It was really nice this morning to check out my blog and to read all the comments. Freya, there is a journal about a man living in his van in Hawaii floating around on the internet. He has some invaluable tips on car living in that state. I will endeavor to find it this week. I don’t have my bookmarks with me and can’t remember the link off the top of my head.
Pipe, thanks for the book suggestion. The library did indeed have a copy of that Steinbeck novel. I am currently reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. As soon as I finish that in a day or two, I will delve into your suggestion.
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I am operating on only three hours of sleep. Last night was very cold and uncomfortable and very unseasonable for this time of year. My summer sleeping bag is rated at a comfort level of forty degrees. Those ratings are not very accurate on those cheaper sleeping bags. It got down into the upper thirties last night and I almost froze my ass off. I would wake up chilled and with icy feet and would have to crank the car and run the heater to get warmed up. I will know next time to always bring my winter weight sleeping bag for emergencies. You never know what Mother Nature will throw at you.
In a small conservative southern town, people are very suspicious and wary of anything out of the normal. I have learned to blend in as much as possible. Luckily, my car looks like what any self respecting soccer mom would drive. It really blends in other than looking new. I look like I have money and it doesn’t draw the attention of the locals or police. I am realizing that this is key to car living. You want to look like you belong there.
I parked overnight at a local twenty four hour grocery store. I figured it would not look out of the normal to be parked all night by such an establishment. There was one thing that I didn’t take into account. That was noise as I am a very light sleeper. Throughout the night the sound of car doors shutting and people talking would jar me awake. Note to self: Find a quieter sleeping spot tonight. I finally gave up on sleeping around 3 am and put on some warm clothes, turned on the radio, and waited for daybreak as I read a book to the map light in my car.
Around 6 am, I drove over to the Waffle House for breakfast. They have a cheap and filling breakfast with free coffee refills to boot. I ate a large ham and cheese omelet, some hash browns, and some toast. I sat for a long time reading a newspaper, people watching, and drinking ample cups of coffee. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and I made sure to tip the waitress very well for all the refills she poured.
Next I headed down to the local truck stop for a shower. They give you a ticket with a numerical code that unlocks the shower door. They also give you a towel and one of those hotel sized bars of soap. Inside is a small room with a shower, toilet, and sink. There is also a disposable paper mat on the floor. I showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, and got myself looking presentable. The hot shower was much needed after my very chilly existence last night. I felt like a new man with a good meal in my belly and that feeling of clean. (A little tip from my truck driving days: Always use a cheap pair of flip flops in these showers. You are likely to get athletes feet or other interesting foot maladies without them.)
More later if I get the chance. I am now off to take a nap as I can barely stay awake. I am going to drive out to the lake and hit one of the seldom used parks out there and catch some shuteye.
Pipe, thanks for the book suggestion. The library did indeed have a copy of that Steinbeck novel. I am currently reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. As soon as I finish that in a day or two, I will delve into your suggestion.
I am operating on only three hours of sleep. Last night was very cold and uncomfortable and very unseasonable for this time of year. My summer sleeping bag is rated at a comfort level of forty degrees. Those ratings are not very accurate on those cheaper sleeping bags. It got down into the upper thirties last night and I almost froze my ass off. I would wake up chilled and with icy feet and would have to crank the car and run the heater to get warmed up. I will know next time to always bring my winter weight sleeping bag for emergencies. You never know what Mother Nature will throw at you.
In a small conservative southern town, people are very suspicious and wary of anything out of the normal. I have learned to blend in as much as possible. Luckily, my car looks like what any self respecting soccer mom would drive. It really blends in other than looking new. I look like I have money and it doesn’t draw the attention of the locals or police. I am realizing that this is key to car living. You want to look like you belong there.
I parked overnight at a local twenty four hour grocery store. I figured it would not look out of the normal to be parked all night by such an establishment. There was one thing that I didn’t take into account. That was noise as I am a very light sleeper. Throughout the night the sound of car doors shutting and people talking would jar me awake. Note to self: Find a quieter sleeping spot tonight. I finally gave up on sleeping around 3 am and put on some warm clothes, turned on the radio, and waited for daybreak as I read a book to the map light in my car.
Around 6 am, I drove over to the Waffle House for breakfast. They have a cheap and filling breakfast with free coffee refills to boot. I ate a large ham and cheese omelet, some hash browns, and some toast. I sat for a long time reading a newspaper, people watching, and drinking ample cups of coffee. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and I made sure to tip the waitress very well for all the refills she poured.
Next I headed down to the local truck stop for a shower. They give you a ticket with a numerical code that unlocks the shower door. They also give you a towel and one of those hotel sized bars of soap. Inside is a small room with a shower, toilet, and sink. There is also a disposable paper mat on the floor. I showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, and got myself looking presentable. The hot shower was much needed after my very chilly existence last night. I felt like a new man with a good meal in my belly and that feeling of clean. (A little tip from my truck driving days: Always use a cheap pair of flip flops in these showers. You are likely to get athletes feet or other interesting foot maladies without them.)
More later if I get the chance. I am now off to take a nap as I can barely stay awake. I am going to drive out to the lake and hit one of the seldom used parks out there and catch some shuteye.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Are You Crazy?
Tomorrow starts an adventure and an experiment. I am going to try living in my car for a week to see how it works. I have read tons of material about this online. There are some really good informative websites on the Internet covering this subject. I am going to try to be as orthodox as possible as if I was really homeless. My apartment will be off limits until the Monday after next.
The rear seats of my car fold flat forming a cargo area. I tested it this morning and there is ample enough room for me to stretch out in my sleeping bag. I do need to get an air mattress though as the floor is hard and uncomfortable. I will check down at Wal-Mart today.
For internet access, I will use the local county library. They have about ten computers set up through Knology cable modems that are free to use with no time limit. All you have to do is sign in and have a library card. That I already have.
I am also doubling my budget for one week only to mimic not having the expense of rent and utilities. That would give me around $200 dollars a week without those expenses. I suspect I will be eating out a lot in the upcoming week and will be using more gasoline.
My sleeping spots are already picked out and researched. I will first try a 24 hour grocery store parking lot. I also have the Georgia and Alabama rest areas on the interstate as well. I will shower at the truck stop on the Cusseta exit a few miles down the interstate.
If you need to reach me, comment on my blog. I will be checking in everyday and writing about my experiences. I will not have access to my main email account or a phone. A friend suggested that I get one of those prepay cell phones but I hate cell phones and don’t particularly like talking on the phone anyway.
Tonight will be my first night out. I hope this makes for an interesting experience for me and interesting reading for you. Good day and off we go!
The rear seats of my car fold flat forming a cargo area. I tested it this morning and there is ample enough room for me to stretch out in my sleeping bag. I do need to get an air mattress though as the floor is hard and uncomfortable. I will check down at Wal-Mart today.
For internet access, I will use the local county library. They have about ten computers set up through Knology cable modems that are free to use with no time limit. All you have to do is sign in and have a library card. That I already have.
I am also doubling my budget for one week only to mimic not having the expense of rent and utilities. That would give me around $200 dollars a week without those expenses. I suspect I will be eating out a lot in the upcoming week and will be using more gasoline.
My sleeping spots are already picked out and researched. I will first try a 24 hour grocery store parking lot. I also have the Georgia and Alabama rest areas on the interstate as well. I will shower at the truck stop on the Cusseta exit a few miles down the interstate.
If you need to reach me, comment on my blog. I will be checking in everyday and writing about my experiences. I will not have access to my main email account or a phone. A friend suggested that I get one of those prepay cell phones but I hate cell phones and don’t particularly like talking on the phone anyway.
Tonight will be my first night out. I hope this makes for an interesting experience for me and interesting reading for you. Good day and off we go!
Saturday, April 23, 2005
This Old House Update
Well, they started work on my laundry room today. I just got back from overseeing what they were doing and the plans. Charlie helped me get all this up and the fellow who is doing the work. I don’t know what I would do without Charlie.
The laundry room is being added to the back of the house out from the kitchen. They are also building some stairs that come down to my backyard from the backdoor. The washer and dryer are currently sitting in my basement. The guy said it would take about two weeks to complete the work.
Next on the agenda is getting new carpet laid. The current carpet is a hideous lime green from the seventies and looks very tired. I just have to come up with the money to do all this and that is why it is taking so long to get moved in. I have to take this project one step at a time and as money allows. I am very eager to get moved in!
The laundry room is being added to the back of the house out from the kitchen. They are also building some stairs that come down to my backyard from the backdoor. The washer and dryer are currently sitting in my basement. The guy said it would take about two weeks to complete the work.
Next on the agenda is getting new carpet laid. The current carpet is a hideous lime green from the seventies and looks very tired. I just have to come up with the money to do all this and that is why it is taking so long to get moved in. I have to take this project one step at a time and as money allows. I am very eager to get moved in!
Midnight Storms
Yesterday afternoon I was sitting at this computer completely bored and listless. I couldn’t find anything interesting to read. I also tried to read a book but just couldn’t concentrate on it. I decided to pack up some food and my gear and head out into the country to go camping. I needed to get my head out of the house for awhile and spend some time with nature. I donned my backpack and made my way out spring road with beautiful spring views greeting me. It was a pleasantly warm afternoon in the low eighties.
I set up camp amidst some hardwood trees a few miles from the main road. Well away from any habitation. I then went about the hunt for fallen dead wood for a fire. After about an hour of searching, I had a big pile and started a fire. My stomach was eager for some nourishment so I started supper which consisted of scrambled eggs and bacon cooked over the fire. I also boiled some water on my camp stove and cooked some instant grits w/ cheese. I do so enjoy breakfast for supper sometimes and it just seems to taste better and more filling when you are camping for some reason.
After supper, I sat by the fire listening to my radio and smoking my pipe. It was a beautiful evening as the sun set with brilliant hues of orange and yellow. The far off call of a Dove made me feel lonesome with its mournful sound. I sometimes wish I could find a companion who shared my zeal for these types of endeavors. It would be nice to talk about life and other sundry things as we sat around a crackling campfire.
The computer generated weather band announcer warned of strong thunderstorms approaching along a cold front. I gathered all my gear and put it into my tent in preparation. I still couldn’t hear the far off rumbles of thunder yet. Soon darkness had fallen and I crawled into the sleeping bag in my tent. I was very tired and was soon fast asleep.
Around midnight I was awoken to the far off sound of thunder. I unzipped my tent door and sat at the threshold. Far off flashes of lightning lit up the dark horizon. Before long the storm was upon me with a torrential rain. I wrapped back up in my sleeping bag listening to the great commotions going on around me. I finally drifted off back to sleep.
I awoke again around 3am and it was still softly raining. My sleeping bag was soaking wet. I was lying in a puddle of water. I had forgotten to seam seal this brand new tent and it had leaked during the night. I cursed under my breath and changed into some dry clothes. I couldn’t go back to sleep in that wet sleeping bag and still had three more hours till the sky started to lighten. The sun rises at 7:00 AM EST this time of the year. So I just sat there kind of miserable trying to stay out of the puddle of water that was forming at the center of my tent. As soon as the sky started to grow light, I packed up all my gear and headed home. I had a grand time other than waking up soaking wet.
I set up camp amidst some hardwood trees a few miles from the main road. Well away from any habitation. I then went about the hunt for fallen dead wood for a fire. After about an hour of searching, I had a big pile and started a fire. My stomach was eager for some nourishment so I started supper which consisted of scrambled eggs and bacon cooked over the fire. I also boiled some water on my camp stove and cooked some instant grits w/ cheese. I do so enjoy breakfast for supper sometimes and it just seems to taste better and more filling when you are camping for some reason.
After supper, I sat by the fire listening to my radio and smoking my pipe. It was a beautiful evening as the sun set with brilliant hues of orange and yellow. The far off call of a Dove made me feel lonesome with its mournful sound. I sometimes wish I could find a companion who shared my zeal for these types of endeavors. It would be nice to talk about life and other sundry things as we sat around a crackling campfire.
The computer generated weather band announcer warned of strong thunderstorms approaching along a cold front. I gathered all my gear and put it into my tent in preparation. I still couldn’t hear the far off rumbles of thunder yet. Soon darkness had fallen and I crawled into the sleeping bag in my tent. I was very tired and was soon fast asleep.
Around midnight I was awoken to the far off sound of thunder. I unzipped my tent door and sat at the threshold. Far off flashes of lightning lit up the dark horizon. Before long the storm was upon me with a torrential rain. I wrapped back up in my sleeping bag listening to the great commotions going on around me. I finally drifted off back to sleep.
I awoke again around 3am and it was still softly raining. My sleeping bag was soaking wet. I was lying in a puddle of water. I had forgotten to seam seal this brand new tent and it had leaked during the night. I cursed under my breath and changed into some dry clothes. I couldn’t go back to sleep in that wet sleeping bag and still had three more hours till the sky started to lighten. The sun rises at 7:00 AM EST this time of the year. So I just sat there kind of miserable trying to stay out of the puddle of water that was forming at the center of my tent. As soon as the sky started to grow light, I packed up all my gear and headed home. I had a grand time other than waking up soaking wet.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Bike Rides of Bliss
Early this morning I got on my mountain bike and rode down into West Point, Georgia. I traversed the bridge over the Chattahoochee River and stopped at the local convenience store. A policeman walked out and commented on my Auburn football t-shirt…..
“We are going to beat ya’ll next year!” He said goodheartedly as he laughed.
I assumed he was speaking of Auburn’s archrival Alabama. Apparently he was an Alabama fan. I laughed back and told him to have a good day and spoke a hearty “War Eagle” (our battle cry) in reply as he got back into his patrol car.
I walked in and bought a cup of coffee and a honey bun. I then sat down outside on the curb enjoying my purchase. I watched as the sun’s first light began to brighten the land and a small southern town once again came back to life for another day.
As the sun rose higher and my coffee turned cold, I climbed aboard my bike and once again made my way back towards the river. I spotted Dumpster Diving Dan busily feeding the seagulls in the parking lot beside the liquor store and headed that way. I greeted him and watched as hundreds of voracious seagulls greedily snapped up his offerings of stale bread. They squawked loudly and scrambled amidst each other in this great mass of grey and white. I then made my way home and took a long, hot shower.
What a great way to start your day with exercise and interesting moments!
“We are going to beat ya’ll next year!” He said goodheartedly as he laughed.
I assumed he was speaking of Auburn’s archrival Alabama. Apparently he was an Alabama fan. I laughed back and told him to have a good day and spoke a hearty “War Eagle” (our battle cry) in reply as he got back into his patrol car.
I walked in and bought a cup of coffee and a honey bun. I then sat down outside on the curb enjoying my purchase. I watched as the sun’s first light began to brighten the land and a small southern town once again came back to life for another day.
As the sun rose higher and my coffee turned cold, I climbed aboard my bike and once again made my way back towards the river. I spotted Dumpster Diving Dan busily feeding the seagulls in the parking lot beside the liquor store and headed that way. I greeted him and watched as hundreds of voracious seagulls greedily snapped up his offerings of stale bread. They squawked loudly and scrambled amidst each other in this great mass of grey and white. I then made my way home and took a long, hot shower.
What a great way to start your day with exercise and interesting moments!
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Reflections
I am now finished with college till next fall. At the start of this process, I was all gung ho and excited. I thought college would be this fun learning experience and enlightening. I quickly realized it was nothing more than rote memorization that you quickly forgot a few weeks afterwards. I quickly became disillusioned and depressed over this endeavor. It took much more discipline that I could have imagined to make it through this tedious process. I did end up with two As and a B in biology so I did fairly well. At the end, I just tried to make college fun and didn’t participate in the “getting a good grade” treadmill.
I now realize that for me to graduate from college I will have to find a major that interests me greatly and that I enjoy. I had plans to become a social worker because I wanted to help people with mental illness and addictions. After much study and reading about the profession I no longer want to be a social worker. It is a tedious and thankless job that pays little for lots of work. My heart just isn’t in it. I am now leaning more towards a learning a useful trade such as becoming a car mechanic. I am very talented when it comes to this area. My college offers a two year degree in this area and I already have one semester under my belt that I took before I became a long haul truck driver. We will just have to wait and see. I have a long summer to mull over more ideas and come to a conclusion. Maybe after a summer break my gusto will be renewed.
___________________________________________________
Adrenaline
I was just outside smoking my pipe in the pre-dawn dark. Suddenly, several large and noisy animals came barreling through the back yard just feet away from me. They sounded like a pack of hyenas. My heart raced and the adrenaline started to flow as I could not make out what they were and they sounded ominous. They were too large to be dogs and too noisy to be deer. I quickly put out my pipe and escaped in the safe confines of my apartment. I still have no idea what in the hell they were.
I now realize that for me to graduate from college I will have to find a major that interests me greatly and that I enjoy. I had plans to become a social worker because I wanted to help people with mental illness and addictions. After much study and reading about the profession I no longer want to be a social worker. It is a tedious and thankless job that pays little for lots of work. My heart just isn’t in it. I am now leaning more towards a learning a useful trade such as becoming a car mechanic. I am very talented when it comes to this area. My college offers a two year degree in this area and I already have one semester under my belt that I took before I became a long haul truck driver. We will just have to wait and see. I have a long summer to mull over more ideas and come to a conclusion. Maybe after a summer break my gusto will be renewed.
Adrenaline
I was just outside smoking my pipe in the pre-dawn dark. Suddenly, several large and noisy animals came barreling through the back yard just feet away from me. They sounded like a pack of hyenas. My heart raced and the adrenaline started to flow as I could not make out what they were and they sounded ominous. They were too large to be dogs and too noisy to be deer. I quickly put out my pipe and escaped in the safe confines of my apartment. I still have no idea what in the hell they were.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Border Town Antics
I just got back from visiting the local convenience just across the Georgia state line. It was complete mayhem with cars lined up everywhere. It seems the mega-millions lottery has surpassed $200 million and people are scrambling to buy tickets. Alabama does not have a lottery so all the Alabamians drive over into Georgia to buy tickets and to participate.
I personally do not play the lottery and think it is complete folly. I have never bought a ticket. The odds of winning are so incredibly small as to be laughable. The majority of the people I saw in the lottery lines were poor people and African Americans hoping to strike it rich. I over heard one lady saying she just knew this was her day. I chuckled under my breath at her naivety. Lady, save that dollar a day you spend and over your lifetime you will have a sizable amount with compounded interest. I sometimes feel as if the lottery is a tax on the poor and stupid.
I personally do not play the lottery and think it is complete folly. I have never bought a ticket. The odds of winning are so incredibly small as to be laughable. The majority of the people I saw in the lottery lines were poor people and African Americans hoping to strike it rich. I over heard one lady saying she just knew this was her day. I chuckled under my breath at her naivety. Lady, save that dollar a day you spend and over your lifetime you will have a sizable amount with compounded interest. I sometimes feel as if the lottery is a tax on the poor and stupid.
Memoirs of my Homeless Days
An old journal entry from my journal when I was homeless...
I have found that I can drink all day on light beer. Normal beer or ice beer fucks me up in a matter of hours. I can drink 18 light beers over a 12 hour period and only be moderately drunk. I can drink 6 ice beers and I will be slurring my speech. I have found 18 packs of keystone light for $7.99. A twelve pack of ice beer is $5.99.
I guess one of the main reasons I drink so much is the despair over my divorce and the boring, stale nature of my life at the moment. I absolutely have nothing to do all day other than to go over to Memaw’s house and get on the internet. I have all this bitter pain inside and a few drinks lessen it. I forget my ails and woes and feel better for a few short hours. Luckily, I don’t have hangovers like I did when I was a young man.
I have found that I can drink all day on light beer. Normal beer or ice beer fucks me up in a matter of hours. I can drink 18 light beers over a 12 hour period and only be moderately drunk. I can drink 6 ice beers and I will be slurring my speech. I have found 18 packs of keystone light for $7.99. A twelve pack of ice beer is $5.99.
I guess one of the main reasons I drink so much is the despair over my divorce and the boring, stale nature of my life at the moment. I absolutely have nothing to do all day other than to go over to Memaw’s house and get on the internet. I have all this bitter pain inside and a few drinks lessen it. I forget my ails and woes and feel better for a few short hours. Luckily, I don’t have hangovers like I did when I was a young man.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Congratulations Ye Catholics
I just heard on the radio that a new papacy has been established. My mother is Roman Catholic and so was my ex-wife. Apparently they elected the Cardinal from Germany and his chosen name is Benedict the 16th. Even though I am a secular humanist, I find the ceremony and history of the Catholic Church fascinating.
I called my mother a moment ago to tell her the good news.
“Mom, they elected a new Pope.” I said.
“What happened to the old Pope?” She mumbled as if in a stupor.
I burst out laughing. She was still drowsy from sleep and not thinking. I woke her up when I called and who knows how much Zanax she had taken.
“Mom, John Paul died a few weeks ago.” I replied trying to choke back the chuckles.
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.” She said groggily.
“Mom, have you had a few zanax?” I asked cautiously.
“Just three or was it six?” She replied still slurring her words.
“You call me if you need to go somewhere. DO NOT DRIVE!” I said emphatically.
I hung up the phone and let her go back to sleep.
I called my mother a moment ago to tell her the good news.
“Mom, they elected a new Pope.” I said.
“What happened to the old Pope?” She mumbled as if in a stupor.
I burst out laughing. She was still drowsy from sleep and not thinking. I woke her up when I called and who knows how much Zanax she had taken.
“Mom, John Paul died a few weeks ago.” I replied trying to choke back the chuckles.
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.” She said groggily.
“Mom, have you had a few zanax?” I asked cautiously.
“Just three or was it six?” She replied still slurring her words.
“You call me if you need to go somewhere. DO NOT DRIVE!” I said emphatically.
I hung up the phone and let her go back to sleep.
Relocating
More Memoirs from my Homeless Days...
I grew wary of my current camping spot and decided to relocate. I am camping on private land even though my family owns hundreds of acres nearby. I just loved this spot as it overlooked a meadow on the edge of a pine forest. It was a pristine view of the stars, sunsets, and sunrises. I was afraid I had overstayed my welcome and decided to move. I feared I would be discovered any day now.
I parked my motorcycle in a secluded spot and covered it with pine boughs. I then packed up all my gear and attached it to my big backpack and headed out down the dirt road. I hiked what seemed like miles until I made it to the millpond and a very seldom used side road. My backpack felt like it held a ton of bricks as I carried everything that I owned. It probably weighed a hundred pounds. My leg muscles burned from carrying all that stuff on my back.
My family used to own this millpond for decades. They used to grind corn into cornmeal for the surrounding farmers. It is a beautiful 30 acre pond with a stone dam and an old house beside it that houses the mill works. My grandfather’s brother sold it in the early sixties causing an uproar within the family. He sold it for $65,000 dollars when he was short on cash and it is probably worth millions today.
I stealthily hiked up the side road beside the house and made my way down into a basin that ran along side the pond. I found a perfect spot amid old growth hardwoods and pitched my tent. This place will be my new home for awhile and then I will have to relocate again. For the time being, I have a beautiful view across the pond amid gigantic old hardwood trees. The heavily leaf covered ground will make for much more comfortable sleeping.
I grew wary of my current camping spot and decided to relocate. I am camping on private land even though my family owns hundreds of acres nearby. I just loved this spot as it overlooked a meadow on the edge of a pine forest. It was a pristine view of the stars, sunsets, and sunrises. I was afraid I had overstayed my welcome and decided to move. I feared I would be discovered any day now.
I parked my motorcycle in a secluded spot and covered it with pine boughs. I then packed up all my gear and attached it to my big backpack and headed out down the dirt road. I hiked what seemed like miles until I made it to the millpond and a very seldom used side road. My backpack felt like it held a ton of bricks as I carried everything that I owned. It probably weighed a hundred pounds. My leg muscles burned from carrying all that stuff on my back.
My family used to own this millpond for decades. They used to grind corn into cornmeal for the surrounding farmers. It is a beautiful 30 acre pond with a stone dam and an old house beside it that houses the mill works. My grandfather’s brother sold it in the early sixties causing an uproar within the family. He sold it for $65,000 dollars when he was short on cash and it is probably worth millions today.
I stealthily hiked up the side road beside the house and made my way down into a basin that ran along side the pond. I found a perfect spot amid old growth hardwoods and pitched my tent. This place will be my new home for awhile and then I will have to relocate again. For the time being, I have a beautiful view across the pond amid gigantic old hardwood trees. The heavily leaf covered ground will make for much more comfortable sleeping.
Early Morning Musings
I am in this strange phase of going to bed as it gets dark and waking up well before sunrise. I am sitting here sipping on a hot mug of coffee and just felt like rambling. Those hours before sunrise are calming and comforting to me. I feel as if I am the only human awake. Before long the birds will be calling in earnest. They start around 6 AM every morning. I call this the “magical hour” as everything comes back to life for another day.
Before long the phone will start ringing. Great Uncle Bob is trying to reach me for me to take him to the hospital for another standard procedure. I missed him several times yesterday and didn’t get his messages till bed time. His messages were quite comical. He doesn’t quite get the jest of my answering machine. There were several calls with him hollering, “Hello?” as if I had answered the phone and wasn’t talking. It put a big smile on my face as I heard each message and imagined Bob on the other end perplexed. I might as well just call him this morning after breakfast and see what day he needs me to take him and to stop the phone tag.
I also had several phone messages from my some time friend Chad. I and Chad used to be best friends during high school but I distance myself from him now. It seems his mother went out and bought him a decent used car and he immediately went and pawned the title for drinking money. Now, they are threatening to come get the car if he doesn’t pay off the pawn ticket. He wanted me to let him borrow $1000 to get his title out of pawn. I almost spit the coke I was drinking through my nose when I heard that on my answering machine. Needless to say his messages got deleted and I will ignore any more. I will never see that money again if I let him borrow it as he is incredibly stupid and irresponsible. He only calls me if he needs money. A “real friend” I tell ya. *sarcasm* (Who in the fuck would pawn their car title?!?!)
I have been on this big kick of listening to talk AM radio lately. The only things on talk radio are endless commercials, financial shows, and political talk shows. My finances are so simple it’s laughable and I hate politics so I am not sure why I am listening to this stuff. Buffoons like Rush Limbaugh are comical though in the rhetoric and propaganda they spout religiously every day. I find it amusing and interesting to hear. I can’t believe that people really believe some of this crap these guys like Rush vehemently bitch about all day.
Before long the phone will start ringing. Great Uncle Bob is trying to reach me for me to take him to the hospital for another standard procedure. I missed him several times yesterday and didn’t get his messages till bed time. His messages were quite comical. He doesn’t quite get the jest of my answering machine. There were several calls with him hollering, “Hello?” as if I had answered the phone and wasn’t talking. It put a big smile on my face as I heard each message and imagined Bob on the other end perplexed. I might as well just call him this morning after breakfast and see what day he needs me to take him and to stop the phone tag.
I also had several phone messages from my some time friend Chad. I and Chad used to be best friends during high school but I distance myself from him now. It seems his mother went out and bought him a decent used car and he immediately went and pawned the title for drinking money. Now, they are threatening to come get the car if he doesn’t pay off the pawn ticket. He wanted me to let him borrow $1000 to get his title out of pawn. I almost spit the coke I was drinking through my nose when I heard that on my answering machine. Needless to say his messages got deleted and I will ignore any more. I will never see that money again if I let him borrow it as he is incredibly stupid and irresponsible. He only calls me if he needs money. A “real friend” I tell ya. *sarcasm* (Who in the fuck would pawn their car title?!?!)
I have been on this big kick of listening to talk AM radio lately. The only things on talk radio are endless commercials, financial shows, and political talk shows. My finances are so simple it’s laughable and I hate politics so I am not sure why I am listening to this stuff. Buffoons like Rush Limbaugh are comical though in the rhetoric and propaganda they spout religiously every day. I find it amusing and interesting to hear. I can’t believe that people really believe some of this crap these guys like Rush vehemently bitch about all day.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Beautiful Sunrise
More Memoirs of my Homeless Days
I awoke this morning to freezing cold and deathly silence. It seemed as if the woods were dead and I was the only one alive. I unzipped my tent door and poked my head out to smoke still wrapped in my sleeping bag. I was greeted by a beautiful sunrise and frost upon everything. I could see my breath with every exhale. Brrrrrr! I smoked my cigarette and wrapped back up in my warm sleeping bag. I waited till the sun had risen enough to remove some of the chill in the air before I got up and about.
About midday, I was starving. I put on my shoes which had accompanied me in my sleeping bag and put on my heavy jacket. I used my lighter to light my camp stove and boiled some water. I then poured the boiling water into a cup of ramen noodles and ravenously wolfed them down. Finally satiated, I donned my radio and listened to the weather band. The computer generated voice assured me of pleasant weather. I long for a warm day and maybe today will be the day. I just have to wait on the sun to do his thing.
I awoke this morning to freezing cold and deathly silence. It seemed as if the woods were dead and I was the only one alive. I unzipped my tent door and poked my head out to smoke still wrapped in my sleeping bag. I was greeted by a beautiful sunrise and frost upon everything. I could see my breath with every exhale. Brrrrrr! I smoked my cigarette and wrapped back up in my warm sleeping bag. I waited till the sun had risen enough to remove some of the chill in the air before I got up and about.
About midday, I was starving. I put on my shoes which had accompanied me in my sleeping bag and put on my heavy jacket. I used my lighter to light my camp stove and boiled some water. I then poured the boiling water into a cup of ramen noodles and ravenously wolfed them down. Finally satiated, I donned my radio and listened to the weather band. The computer generated voice assured me of pleasant weather. I long for a warm day and maybe today will be the day. I just have to wait on the sun to do his thing.
Happy Trails
Had a great outing yesterday. My legs are awfully sore today though and are balking from my exertions. The odometer on my bike says that I rode over 12 miles. At one point I stopped by a large pond taking in my surroundings. It was a beautiful day with the sun high overhead and a gentle breeze. The temperature was comfortable and not too hot. I could see the bream and bass swimming at the ponds edge. I sat and munched on some cheese and crackers taking long draughts from my water bottle while listening to the weather band on my radio.
Today is the start of my dreaded final exams. I think I am ready as I am ever going to be. I will just go in and do my best. One more week to go and I will be finished for the summer. I cannot wait. I have some interesting and exciting plans for this summer. I cannot wait until the days really warm up and the afternoon thunderstorms start to pop. Ah, summer in the south.
Today is the start of my dreaded final exams. I think I am ready as I am ever going to be. I will just go in and do my best. One more week to go and I will be finished for the summer. I cannot wait. I have some interesting and exciting plans for this summer. I cannot wait until the days really warm up and the afternoon thunderstorms start to pop. Ah, summer in the south.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Homeless Blogging
More Memoirs of my Homeless Days
I found a journal written by a homeless guy named Kevin today. I had never heard of blogs before. I was looking for information or tips to make homelessness easier and more comfortable. He didn’t have anything useful for homeless people on his blog. He didn’t even have any links to help homeless people. It was mainly just a personal journal. I really would like to find a journal or website that helps the homeless help themselves.
I think I will try this blogging thing. I did sign up for a blog and joined the homeless blogs webring. It is run by a homeless guy in Vermont. From what I have found on the internet there are few success stories when it involves homelessness. I want to write a journal about working towards and getting out of homelessness so people can read what I did and how I did it. I have yet to find a journal or website that tells that tale. Most of these websites are depressing stories with no resolve
I found a journal written by a homeless guy named Kevin today. I had never heard of blogs before. I was looking for information or tips to make homelessness easier and more comfortable. He didn’t have anything useful for homeless people on his blog. He didn’t even have any links to help homeless people. It was mainly just a personal journal. I really would like to find a journal or website that helps the homeless help themselves.
I think I will try this blogging thing. I did sign up for a blog and joined the homeless blogs webring. It is run by a homeless guy in Vermont. From what I have found on the internet there are few success stories when it involves homelessness. I want to write a journal about working towards and getting out of homelessness so people can read what I did and how I did it. I have yet to find a journal or website that tells that tale. Most of these websites are depressing stories with no resolve
Country Trails
Enough studying! I have studied till my brain is numb. I am just going to walk in class tomorrow and take my finals and be done with it. Today shall be a day for enjoyment and fun. The weather will be beautiful with a high of 78 degrees.
I pulled my mountain bike out of the garage after a winter of disuse this morning. I oiled the chain and pumped up the tires. I also packed my day pack with snacks and bottles of water. I am going to head out spring road and hit some country trails today and get some exercise. I will write about my travels later today if I feel like it when I get home.
I pulled my mountain bike out of the garage after a winter of disuse this morning. I oiled the chain and pumped up the tires. I also packed my day pack with snacks and bottles of water. I am going to head out spring road and hit some country trails today and get some exercise. I will write about my travels later today if I feel like it when I get home.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Birthday Wishes
Last night was my and my sister’s birthday party. Dad did go all out and cooked a great meal. The only problem was that we had to wait for my sister and her husband to arrive from Birmingham to eat which was after 9 PM. I was just famished by the time we ate.
It does seem as you get older the less important your birthdays become. I am very modest when it comes to such things and do not like a fuss. Dad made me and my sister sit at the heads of the table and it made me uncomfortable. I like to sit on the sides and blend in. All in all in was a good time and after the meal we all sat around looking at old family photo albums and laughed. My mother was meticulous in capturing all our childhood memories in photos. Dad good heartedly joked that it cost him a fortune over the years in photo processing through his pharmacy.
- Birthday Menu:
A large baked ham w/ homemade barbeque sauce
Pineapple and cheddar casserole
Chicken and corn bread dressing
Asparagus w/lemon and mayonnaise sauce
German Potato Salad – My favorite dish!
Deviled eggs with olives
Homemade yeast rolls
Homemade chocolate layer cake
Homemade vanilla ice cream – my grandmother’s special recipe
All in all it was a grand time and I ate till I could eat no more. I had a hard time going to sleep last night due to indigestion.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Memoirs from my homeless days
This will become a regular feature of this blog every few days. I have an old handwritten journal of my homeless days that I found again today and was reading. Many of them are worth sharing. Posting will be as my time to transcribe from paper to digital medium permit.
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One of the hardest aspects of my homelessness has been the insidious cold. It sneaks in every piece of clothing and leaves you numb. When you build a big camp fire, the front of you becomes uncomfortably hot and your back and rear are freezing cold. The only time I can truly be comfortable is to crawl into my warm down sleeping bag and slumber.
I long for above forty degree days. They are a true joy. I used to would pay little attention to the weather and the forecasts. Now, they are integral to my well being and morale. I will listen to the weather band on my little radio as if the words spoken were the sacred words of a prophet. What’s that? 50 degrees and sunny tomorrow? What great joy those words bring to my soul!
The cold can be a relative thing. You quickly grow acclimated to your environment. Forty degrees used to be bone chilling cold to this southerner. Now, it seems like a moderately balmy day. Fifty degree days feel downright warm and spring like. Sixty degree days and you have a veritable summer! Those sixty degree days have been rare and few and far between this November. I long for the spring and respite from this existence! Just four more long months to go.
One of the hardest aspects of my homelessness has been the insidious cold. It sneaks in every piece of clothing and leaves you numb. When you build a big camp fire, the front of you becomes uncomfortably hot and your back and rear are freezing cold. The only time I can truly be comfortable is to crawl into my warm down sleeping bag and slumber.
I long for above forty degree days. They are a true joy. I used to would pay little attention to the weather and the forecasts. Now, they are integral to my well being and morale. I will listen to the weather band on my little radio as if the words spoken were the sacred words of a prophet. What’s that? 50 degrees and sunny tomorrow? What great joy those words bring to my soul!
The cold can be a relative thing. You quickly grow acclimated to your environment. Forty degrees used to be bone chilling cold to this southerner. Now, it seems like a moderately balmy day. Fifty degree days feel downright warm and spring like. Sixty degree days and you have a veritable summer! Those sixty degree days have been rare and few and far between this November. I long for the spring and respite from this existence! Just four more long months to go.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Bah!!!!!!!
I have been trying to wean myself from writing on this blog but I always come back to it. I guess I am an addict. I just feel really uncomfortable about sharing such personal details about my life with mostly strangers. Maybe I need to be more abstract in my writings and focus on events and not details. Hopefully, that will make me more comfortable about doing this
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Voluntary Homelessness……
I am still putting together some plans for this summer. An original plan was to try car living but sleeping in a car would be unbearably hot during a southern summer. The heat would be stifling. I live in a rural area with lots of woodlands and rural dirt roads so it would be crazy to sleep in a car with a comparably cool tent to sleep in nearby. I have decided to just use the tent and sleeping bag this summer that I bought a few days ago.
I will use my house as home base; a place to store food and to take showers. I will also keep my internet connection active and will use it to update this blog with my experiences. Since I will only at the house sparingly this will greatly reduce my living expenses such as cooling the house this summer. My plan is for voluntary simplicity and to live as simply as possible. I just want to keep my survival skills as sharp and have read a ton of material about doing this online. My first experience with homelessness was miserable and I want to find a way to live comfortably homeless. This blog will be a place to document my attempts and the experiment.
Voluntary Homelessness……
I am still putting together some plans for this summer. An original plan was to try car living but sleeping in a car would be unbearably hot during a southern summer. The heat would be stifling. I live in a rural area with lots of woodlands and rural dirt roads so it would be crazy to sleep in a car with a comparably cool tent to sleep in nearby. I have decided to just use the tent and sleeping bag this summer that I bought a few days ago.
I will use my house as home base; a place to store food and to take showers. I will also keep my internet connection active and will use it to update this blog with my experiences. Since I will only at the house sparingly this will greatly reduce my living expenses such as cooling the house this summer. My plan is for voluntary simplicity and to live as simply as possible. I just want to keep my survival skills as sharp and have read a ton of material about doing this online. My first experience with homelessness was miserable and I want to find a way to live comfortably homeless. This blog will be a place to document my attempts and the experiment.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
An insightful and wise old woman…....
My mother’s mother is a spiteful and cantankerous woman. I rarely see her and go visit with her and she only has negative things to say when I do visit. The other day I drove over with my mother to see about her on my mother’s request. Mom has the same feelings as I and didn’t want to go alone. I was sitting in my grandmother’s den as her and my mother was talking in the kitchen. I overheard their conversation and it startled me. My grandmother was actually sticking up for me the first time in my whole life.
“One of Jonathon’s biggest problems is that he can’t live up to Johnny’s expectations.” My grandmother said.
Johnny is my father’s nickname.
“What do you mean?” My mother asked.
“He’s not like his brother and sister. He couldn’t be a doctor. Just let him live a simple and happy life.” She replied. “Don’t put all that pressure on him. He can’t take it like me.”
This brought up many thoughts as I sat there. She really was right. All my life, I have aspired to live up to my father’s expectations and have failed miserably. I am just not like him and my brother or sister. We have different ideas on what success means. Success for me is just a simple life with simple means enjoying the small pleasures and the outdoors. Success for my father is having an esteemed profession or owning your own business. Having lots of money or credit is paramount. Neither of these things motivates me in the least.
I knew a year ago when I accepted my parent’s help to get a home that I would have to compromise a great deal and conform. I would have to once again slide into that role of a dependent and sick child that makes them feel comfortable and sometimes it gets tough. I realized yesterday as I turned 33 that I am treated as a child again. One thing I did have when I was homeless was autonomy and more dignity. It is a hard situation to rectify; homeless and free or homed and dependent upon others. This is something I mull over often and brings me great turmoil. I often romanticize that I would rather live a few short years of hard freedom versus a lifetime of imprisoned dependence on easy street.
“One of Jonathon’s biggest problems is that he can’t live up to Johnny’s expectations.” My grandmother said.
Johnny is my father’s nickname.
“What do you mean?” My mother asked.
“He’s not like his brother and sister. He couldn’t be a doctor. Just let him live a simple and happy life.” She replied. “Don’t put all that pressure on him. He can’t take it like me.”
This brought up many thoughts as I sat there. She really was right. All my life, I have aspired to live up to my father’s expectations and have failed miserably. I am just not like him and my brother or sister. We have different ideas on what success means. Success for me is just a simple life with simple means enjoying the small pleasures and the outdoors. Success for my father is having an esteemed profession or owning your own business. Having lots of money or credit is paramount. Neither of these things motivates me in the least.
I knew a year ago when I accepted my parent’s help to get a home that I would have to compromise a great deal and conform. I would have to once again slide into that role of a dependent and sick child that makes them feel comfortable and sometimes it gets tough. I realized yesterday as I turned 33 that I am treated as a child again. One thing I did have when I was homeless was autonomy and more dignity. It is a hard situation to rectify; homeless and free or homed and dependent upon others. This is something I mull over often and brings me great turmoil. I often romanticize that I would rather live a few short years of hard freedom versus a lifetime of imprisoned dependence on easy street.
Blogger Blues…….
I just really haven’t felt like updating this journal. I have been very busy with school and work. Sometimes I think that blogging or journaling is such a fruitless and narcissistic endeavor and grow weary of it. In these times I take a break. I read so many blogs and they all seem to be cries of attention or recognition. Is that a bad thing? Or is it good? I do not know but I know from my own feelings that blogging lately has just not felt right.
I have written many posts only to keep them to myself. It just feels weird having a multitude of mostly strangers reading the intimate details of my life. My father stresses to keep such intimate details private. He tells me many times to never divulge weakness or illness as others will take advantage of your disadvantage. He says it is only human nature to do so; survival of the fittest as in social Darwinism. I do not know if he is right but I do know that more harm than good has come about when I divulge my mental illness to others. The majority of people are frightened by people who are different or are not normal.
I have written many posts only to keep them to myself. It just feels weird having a multitude of mostly strangers reading the intimate details of my life. My father stresses to keep such intimate details private. He tells me many times to never divulge weakness or illness as others will take advantage of your disadvantage. He says it is only human nature to do so; survival of the fittest as in social Darwinism. I do not know if he is right but I do know that more harm than good has come about when I divulge my mental illness to others. The majority of people are frightened by people who are different or are not normal.
Busy Bee…….
The clutch of semester’s end has me in its grasp. I haven’t had much time to do anything but just work, study, and write papers. I am almost finished with school till next fall. I have decided to forego going to summer school since the classes that term are two hours long. Two hour classes are just not my cup of tea and my attention span doesn’t cope too well with such long classes.
Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 33. I am getting to be an old fart aren’t I? lol I feel much older than my years suggest after all I have gone through in my short life. Sometimes, I do feel like a grumpy old man as my moniker suggests. I feel like a jaded, cynical old crabby bastard.
I didn’t buy a digital camera as planned. I thought it would be stupid to spend such amounts of money on something that would only be used for a blog. I went down to Wal-Mart and bought a new three man tent and summer weight sleeping bag with the hundred dollars my parents gave me yesterday. My previous Wal-Mart tent had seen better days and was beginning to leak like a sieve. Now, I am prepared for many summer camping trips without putting wear and tear on my expensive and nice Kelty tent. Also, my nice, expensive down sleeping bag is tortuously hot in the summer. This new bag has a rating of 40 degrees and a cotton liner and should be more comfortable and bearable in the southern, summer heat.
Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 33. I am getting to be an old fart aren’t I? lol I feel much older than my years suggest after all I have gone through in my short life. Sometimes, I do feel like a grumpy old man as my moniker suggests. I feel like a jaded, cynical old crabby bastard.
I didn’t buy a digital camera as planned. I thought it would be stupid to spend such amounts of money on something that would only be used for a blog. I went down to Wal-Mart and bought a new three man tent and summer weight sleeping bag with the hundred dollars my parents gave me yesterday. My previous Wal-Mart tent had seen better days and was beginning to leak like a sieve. Now, I am prepared for many summer camping trips without putting wear and tear on my expensive and nice Kelty tent. Also, my nice, expensive down sleeping bag is tortuously hot in the summer. This new bag has a rating of 40 degrees and a cotton liner and should be more comfortable and bearable in the southern, summer heat.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Checking in……
The past few days have been crazy. I got an email from a friend asking about how I am and I realized that I have completely neglected my blog. I am very busy with the end of the semester hassles at college as several projects and research papers are soon to be due. Finals are in just a few weeks also. I have been busy writing papers and studying.
Today was my birthday and my parents gave me $100 dollars. The practical side of me over ruled the impractical side about my purchase. I decided not to buy a digital camera. It would be something that I would infrequently use and only for this blog. I bought a new Coleman hiker’s 3 man tent and a Coleman summer weight sleeping bag at Wal-Mart. I save my very expensive Kelty tent and down sleeping bag for emergencies and cold weather. I needed two cheap replacements for the wear and tear of summer camping and continual use. My other cheap Wal-Mart tent had begun leaking like a sieve and my cheap sleeping bag had bad mildew stains and smelled like a marathoner’s socks.
I have decided to forego going to summer school. I talked it over with my father and he seems fine about it. I think he was actually glad as it would save him some money in the short term as things are tight with two new car payments and a recent expensive roof replacement. The class periods during summer are 2 hours long and I didn’t think my attention span could handle that. I handle 1 hour classes much better.
I have some interesting experiments coming up that I want to try out. One involves a three week stint at living in my car. I had read tons of material on this and have decided to give it a try. I want to see how feasible it is if I ever am homeless again. I have a very succinct plan and will give it a try. I also plan to do a long, extended stint living in my tent on the land we own near Waverly, Alabama this summer. I want to see how summer rural homelessness differs from the winter rural homelessness that I experienced last year. All of this is to just keep my survival skills sharp and will be an adventure.
Today was my birthday and my parents gave me $100 dollars. The practical side of me over ruled the impractical side about my purchase. I decided not to buy a digital camera. It would be something that I would infrequently use and only for this blog. I bought a new Coleman hiker’s 3 man tent and a Coleman summer weight sleeping bag at Wal-Mart. I save my very expensive Kelty tent and down sleeping bag for emergencies and cold weather. I needed two cheap replacements for the wear and tear of summer camping and continual use. My other cheap Wal-Mart tent had begun leaking like a sieve and my cheap sleeping bag had bad mildew stains and smelled like a marathoner’s socks.
I have decided to forego going to summer school. I talked it over with my father and he seems fine about it. I think he was actually glad as it would save him some money in the short term as things are tight with two new car payments and a recent expensive roof replacement. The class periods during summer are 2 hours long and I didn’t think my attention span could handle that. I handle 1 hour classes much better.
I have some interesting experiments coming up that I want to try out. One involves a three week stint at living in my car. I had read tons of material on this and have decided to give it a try. I want to see how feasible it is if I ever am homeless again. I have a very succinct plan and will give it a try. I also plan to do a long, extended stint living in my tent on the land we own near Waverly, Alabama this summer. I want to see how summer rural homelessness differs from the winter rural homelessness that I experienced last year. All of this is to just keep my survival skills sharp and will be an adventure.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Summer break……
I have not been posting much lately. Blogger has had some ills and it has made me wary of trying to post. I have learned my lesson though and always use a word processor before posting as to save my work. Nothing sucks worse than typing out a long post only to have blogger dump it into cyber purgatory.
I have looked at other options for a journal but I hate Live Journal and especially the denizens that frequent that service and Diaryland just seems funky to me. I will just be patient as blogger goes through its teething woes. I really cannot complain too greatly as this is a free service. I cannot remember the last time I got such satisfaction and enjoyment out of something free for such a long period of time.
I had a grand camping trip/mountain bike journey planned for this weekend but had to scrap those plans. Family and school obligations forced me to stay home this weekend as I thought everything over carefully. I just couldn’t afford to “play” this weekend and had to “work”. I spent the weekend working on a 6 page critical review I have to turn in this week for World Literature (I was sloppy and terse in my psychology paper). I also had to study for another biology exam and catch up on reading some chapters. My B grade on the last exam embarrassed me and I vowed to make an A on the upcoming exam on Mendelian Genetics. I tried to make all of this fun and about learning though.
Yesterday morning, I spent six hours at East Alabama Medical Center as they ran a slew of tests on my Great Uncle Bob. He has not been feeling well lately he said. He had asked me to take him and I agreed without hesitation. It was not the most fun thing to do on a Saturday morning but I felt an obligation to help out an elderly family member. For being in his mid-eighties, I think he does surprisingly well.
After a long talk over lunch today with my father, I decided to forego college this summer and will take a break. He seemed perfectly fine about it. My dilemma was that during summer term the classes are two hours long and my attention span doesn’t cope with such long class periods very well. I felt I would miss a lot of class as I got fed up with the long class times. I will start again with renewed vigor in the fall. I look forward to enjoying the upcoming hot, southern summer to the fullest.
I have looked at other options for a journal but I hate Live Journal and especially the denizens that frequent that service and Diaryland just seems funky to me. I will just be patient as blogger goes through its teething woes. I really cannot complain too greatly as this is a free service. I cannot remember the last time I got such satisfaction and enjoyment out of something free for such a long period of time.
I had a grand camping trip/mountain bike journey planned for this weekend but had to scrap those plans. Family and school obligations forced me to stay home this weekend as I thought everything over carefully. I just couldn’t afford to “play” this weekend and had to “work”. I spent the weekend working on a 6 page critical review I have to turn in this week for World Literature (I was sloppy and terse in my psychology paper). I also had to study for another biology exam and catch up on reading some chapters. My B grade on the last exam embarrassed me and I vowed to make an A on the upcoming exam on Mendelian Genetics. I tried to make all of this fun and about learning though.
Yesterday morning, I spent six hours at East Alabama Medical Center as they ran a slew of tests on my Great Uncle Bob. He has not been feeling well lately he said. He had asked me to take him and I agreed without hesitation. It was not the most fun thing to do on a Saturday morning but I felt an obligation to help out an elderly family member. For being in his mid-eighties, I think he does surprisingly well.
After a long talk over lunch today with my father, I decided to forego college this summer and will take a break. He seemed perfectly fine about it. My dilemma was that during summer term the classes are two hours long and my attention span doesn’t cope with such long class periods very well. I felt I would miss a lot of class as I got fed up with the long class times. I will start again with renewed vigor in the fall. I look forward to enjoying the upcoming hot, southern summer to the fullest.
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