Helen arrives at my parent’s house at 9:00 AM sharp every morning. I have learned to drive over at this time and Helen will give me extra cokes (Can you tell I am coke obsessed? It’s just part of my obsessive compulsive nature). Mom usually doesn’t stir till around lunch so I can get away with this.
Well, today I had a close call with my addictions. I had to use the bathroom so I used dad’s. Curiosity killed the cat as they say and I looked in his medicine cabinet. OH MY! There were Lortabs, Oxycontin, Aprozolam, Etc. It was a literal cornucopia for an addict. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to resist taking a few pills; just enough where he would never notice it. I walked out of the bathroom with a tear in my eye. Helen was vacuuming the hall.
“Baby?” she said as she turned off the vacuum. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I have,” I replied cryptically. “The ghosts of my past.”
I will be honest and say I sat in my car for a good thirty minutes with it running debating on going back in and getting me some pills. I wanted nothing more than to spend today fucked up beyond measure. I finally drove home feeling like a schmuck, but a victorious schmuck. Boy, do I have a tale to tell George today on the phone. He will understand completely what I just went through.
12 comments:
Andrew- Its chilling reading what you just wrote.
Are you still attending NA meetings? They tend to help relieve those cravings...hang in there and I am PROUD you walked away!!!
I'm proud of you too Andrew...I'm in the same boat as you. Been clean and sober for 1yr. now.
Boy to I LOVE those victorious schmucks! It takes a real man to walk away from a temptation like that, Andrew.
What strength that took, my friend!
Grannie
You may have wanted to but you didn't!! Good for you!!
You are in my morning prayers each day as I take my walk. :-)
I echo everything the comments before me have said...I am so pleased that you walked away..you have crossed yet another hurdle..it must have been so difficult for you under the circumstances you just mentioned,but you did it !!!! Well done Andrew, i cant tell you how great that is...It will be good to talk with George & share what happened, that you too are still fighting battles...you can help each other and that can help you both.
GOOD FOR YOU that would have been really rough for me to pass up but you did it. i would think about going to a meeting to help you share what a great thing that you did. it takes alot of strength to be able to pass them up. liz
Wow. Even for those of us with f upped days and just want a little relief, that was a victory. I am certainly proud of you.
A very human Schmuck Andrew. I am so very proud of you. You reined in the monster for another day. Great job!
You did great! temptations are always there they don't matter what matters is what we do in response and you did AWESOME!
Yea you! This post makes my day.
:)
I'm very impressed! I hope you are proud of yourself. I know a lot of people that *aren't* addicts that still would have had a hard time not justifying that. Give yourself a pat on the back!
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