Lucky is a he I found out today. I thought it was a she. Lucky walked away from me after eating tuna to reveal two of the biggest gonads I have ever seen on a cat. Those have got to go. Snip! Snip! Lucky also got in a big fight last night. It awoke me and Maggie and I went and turned on all the outside lights. I was still very groggy from all the beer I drank. I could see Lucky by Joyce’s house. Hair bristling. And screaming like a banshee. He’s got a nasty scar on his face to show for it. Getting fixed will stop all that I hope. If I can only get him to trust me and off to the Vet he will go.
George left in time to get his mother to church. We both had beer for breakfast in characteristic alcoholic fashion. George was happy, though, and so was I. I needed a release last night. I needed a friend to talk to. I badly needed the anxiety I constantly experience to fade away. The beer did that for me. Better than any clonazepam could ever do that dad so carefully doles out like candy to a kid.
A Job Offer…
I got a call yesterday with a job offer. You may remember I applied for a bunch of jobs a few weeks ago online in a fit of aggravation at my parents. It is for a cook at a fast food place and it is for third shift. I really don’t want to work third shift and declined. “We’ll call you back if something in the day opens,” the lady said. “You passed the online test with flying colors! Your reference Dr. so and so said you were highly recommended.” I really want the baggage cart guy position at Wal-Mart. I applied this morning. I just want to hang out and gather the carts all day at minimum wage. The only downside to working at Wal-Mart would be seeing my ex-wife all the time. She practically lived there when we were married. I am sure China’s GDP loved it!
8 comments:
Andrew,
I am saying goodbye to you. Cant stand to see you falling down the rabbit hole of alcoholism, taking those who love you, Mrs. Florene and Maggie down too.
Can you imagine how sad and disappointed she will be in you?
You may as well find a new home for Maggie, cus where your drinking is taking you, you will no longer take care of her.
good luck, god bless.
Cmon Andrew, you know where drinking ended up last time? It's a depressant. It will make your symptoms worse. More unstable.
This is getting worse fast. Drinking at breakfast? Tell your father so that your medications are adjusted accordingly. And get back to meetings. Hanging around other active alcoholics like George does not help. You have more than enough friends in AA that there is no need to resort to active alcoholics for company.
Why not call your local AA helpline number, or any of the AA's you met in meetings to talk to them?
Remember. PICK UP THE PHONE !!! BEFORE YOU PICK UP A DRINK.
Just try it, and see what happens.
Just TRY to get to bed tonight without picking up a drink Andrew.
I've got your fathers phone number. Is it time to call him?
All hell would break loose. Is that what you want? I don't think so, and honestly, neither do I.
What you really need is to get away from him and find a doctor who can manage your symptoms so you can go out into society and have a productive life. AND be happy for once.
From the way it sounds, you thrive on your problems and seem to enjoy talking about them. Your father needs you to be disabled. It makes him seem like the savior. He's the problem...not the cure.
Normal people with a family member in yours or your mothers situation would fight for your health care, come hell or high water. Your father lets your mother OD on drugs. It keeps her in her place. He wants you to screw up. Hell, he expects it of you and says so all the time, always thinking the worst.
What are you afraid of? Be a man, stand up to your father, go to a new doctor who can perscribe the proper combination of meds so you can function like the rest of us....yes, it's possible. I know someone who does it every day!
You're standing on the ledge, Andrew. You can either turn away, walk inside and seek help or jump off.
George should be ashamed of himself, and so should you.
Marsha
Holy crap! Andrew I can't believe a couple of these comments above: lectures and threats, wow - you don't deserve this.
Do what you need to do, you know what that is, you know the consequences of drinking better than anyone.
Take care, all the best to you. You need to know that people care about you no matter what you are doing. Dear readers remember that WE ARE ALL FLAWED, WE ALL SCREW UP.
Yes, we all screw up. It's how we choose to pick up the pieces and put these things back together.
Relapse is relapse. It's part of almost everyone's story, but it's not a requirement.
Be the person you so always wanted to be. Not this person. This drunk. Wet drunk.
Think about yourself and think about what's best for you. Until you can do that, you've got nothing.
Everyone has a "great enabler" in their life, but choosing to take advantage of them is always a choice. You have the choice not to drink. Make it.
Yes 2sunset, you are right, we are all flawed, but alcoholics have a unique ability to self-destruct to the point of either insanity or death if they relapse, and that is why relapse is not treated in quite the same way as 'flaws' that do not lead to death or insanity.
In Andrews case, the combined effects of alcohol with his already precarious balance of medication is a very bad combination indeed. Andrews track record with alcohol speaks for itself. For Andrew, alcohol is NOT his friend. One is too many and a hundred aren't enough. Just like all us regular alcoholics.
An Irish Friend of Bill has said it best...and all that needs to be said.
Oh Andrew..i have read all the above comments and agree with bits of all of them...you certainly seem to be on self destruct at the moment, and you will just sink deepe if you donrt do something & get help, and yes of course Maggie will suffer, i also agree to a point that your Dad does seem to want to manipulate you..but i do believe he loves you too...Yoy CAN help yourself and you have done it before..but the lower you sink the harder recovery will be...George at this moment is perhaps best avoided as things in that area are not working as you thought, you were meant to be helping him (wich was admirable)..then you were both helping each other...even better, but now you just seem to be dragging each other down..so counter productive and sad....poor Mrs Florene, she stands to have the sadness of her sons drinking to contend with..and also the Loss of the ally & friend she had in you..as an older lady i really feel for her...go to a Doctor or get some sort of help quickly Andrew..none of your friends want to see you go under again...its not too late, but you know as a past memeber of A.A...you cant have just one drink..and you have proved this to yourself..please get your meds and drinking sorted before its too late.
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