I heard the unmistakable rumble of George’s Caprice pull up last hour. I was sitting at my computer listening to last night’s Coast to Coast AM.
“Come go to poker night with me!” George pleaded after our usual pleasantries. “I will front you some money so you can play!”
“I can’t go out of the house,” I replied.
“What do you mean you can’t go out of the house?”
I pointed to my cranium and shook my head no. George got the hint.
George sat down in my den taking over the TV’s remote control. He talked very excitedly about his night ahead.
“Can you at least come and eat supper with me and mom tonight?” George asked. “I am grilling some of mom’s hamburgers. She is cooking French fries as well.”
“I can’t,” I replied solemnly and steadfastly. “I am not feeling good and just want a quiet night in. I want to watch my British comedies tonight if those goddamned PBS pledge drives aren’t on.”
“What are you feeling right now?” George asked, concerned.
“A good bit of anxiety and agoraphobia,” I replied. “I didn’t even feel like getting dressed today.”
I was still in my sleeping gear at 3pm in the afternoon.
“You sound like you need a couple of drinks to calm your nerves!” George said, grinning and scheming at any excuse to drink a few.
“No. No more drinks. I don’t want to ever drink again,” I replied. “Drinking got me in this mental illness mess I am currently in. It plays havoc on my medications.”
“I’ll be back around seven with some hamburgers, cole slaw and fries,” George told me, leaving.
It will be very nice to have some of Mrs. Florene’s homemade hamburgers for supper. That gives me something to look forward to. I am also serious about never drinking again. I am an all or nothing sort of fellow. I am either drunk as a wino or sober as a judge. I just can’t moderate any substance that makes me feel good. I know this drives my good friend, Pipe Tobacco, crazy.
7 comments:
Don't you hate agoraphobia? Hubby Fred has started having panic attacks, now we don't go out hardly at all...
Good for you Andrew that you figured out that you can't drink in moderation.
Enjoy those burgers and I will pray for you that George will not tempt you and that you can resist again if he does.
Hi Andrew!!
You sound SO much better. I'm glad that you have taken the time to sort things out for yourself and decide what YOU want to do.
I know Maggie's loving all the co-sleeping! She'd be sleeping anyway and I'm sure she's happy having you to snuggle up to.
That pic of the Swiss train layout is GREAT! I want to live there!
Save me a Snickers and some fries! Even if you don't, I'm sticking with ya! You are well worth it, my friend!
Grannie
Glad to hear about the insight into your drinking pattern.
Sounds like you are just like me :) 'One is too many and a hundred aren't enough'
Remember, there are MANY other souls in AA who experience drinking exactly the same way you do. Some with various shades of mental illness and prescribed medications. TRY to look for the similarities with AA members, not the differences. Bring your body and your mind will follow. And dont !!!! worry about not having money to put into the 'pot'. It doesn't matter!!!! The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. ie the pot is not what makes you an AA member.
Keep coming back Andrew.
Pipe tobacco is not you, so therefore he doesn't live inside your head. If you know what your reaction will be and want to avoid it, I suggest you start listening to Andrew. He's a pretty sharp guy, you know. We all have our own limitations and I am sure that Pipe has some too.
Soon enough you will be feeling well again and this will just be a reminder that well, maybe not everyone can or should drink. I gave up alcohol years ago. Not because I had a problem with it, but I really just grew up and no longer saw the point. If you have ever been at a party where everyone is drinking and you are not, you'll see what I mean.
All I have to say, Andrew, is be strong!!!! And, remember that you are strong!!! Have a wonderful day!!!
I am so pleased you have made your own decision not to drink Andrew..anyone who has been to A.A. understands the Problem..(that you cant stop at one or even moderate it) if you have ever had a serious drink problem, and then theres your meds to think of as well....but folks who haven't had that problem couldn't understand, as it is complicated to say the least isn't it ?...So well Done, we are all rooting for you...i hope George trys to understand.& maybe even joins you again ?? ..anyway enjoy your burgers and fries...take Care Andrew...P.S. what British comedies do you like to watch ???
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