I am not feeling well tonight. I want to write. I have nothing else to do. Rachel called me to tell me she was coming over to bring those papers. I didn’t pick up the phone. I let the answering machine answer it.
I am having a hard time tonight. The ordeal with George didn’t help. I heard Rachel’s car drive up. I can pick our Volkswagen out of a line up. I heard a knock and then another knock. I hid behind the chest of drawers in this room. I heard the car crank up and leave.
Dear god, why? Why do I have to suffer? I am not a bad person. I do not do bad things. I am a good person. I wanted so much to open the door and welcome her in. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and hug her. I wanted to give her a big kiss and tell her I love her. I do love her. I want to go home. I want to go back to our house. I want to drive our car. I want my beloved cat to sit in my lap. I want to hear the dog go in and out of the dog door I installed.
Why can’t I go home? I just want to sleep in our bed. It is the bed that I paid for. I want to wake up in the morning and wake up to her beside me. I want Otis, our dog, to lick me on the face. I want chairman meow to sit on my lap and love me like she used to do. I want so much but it is a lost dream.
I am not feeling well tonight. My illness is acting up I believe. I want to go home. I want to get in my old bed and go to sleep. I want to sit in my den and watch tv. I gave her everything. She got the house. She got the car. She got our dog and cat. I sat in a tent in the coldest months of winter and still paid her money. She always had her bills paid. It is not fair.
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