There was a homeless man at tonight's AA meeting. He was scared, had been drinking, and didn't know what to do. He used his time to speak tonight to ask for help. Several people came to his aid after the meeting. I spared him my information about Clara and the Rescue Mission. AA people do take care of their own. It made me think tonight how lucky I have it, even though I might bitch and moan about not having a job and financial independence.
- I have Maggie and Rosa and they are both healthy.
- I have my own health these past few weeks.
- I have a home.
- I have plenty of food my mother buys for me.
- I have warmth.
- I have a very reliable car that should last me for many years.
- I have plenty of furniture including a soft bed.
- I have a reliable computer and steady Internet access.
There is not much more a person could ask for is there? I should be content with what I have, but I want more for myself. Is that bad of me? I want independence from my parents and control of my finances. I want a paycheck and the pride that stems from getting one. I want to pay my own bills and know how much I spend a month. I want to have the ability to buy things when I need them, and to not have to pester my mother and father for something as simple as Diet Cokes or smokes.
Seeing that homeless man tonight trying to better himself made me feel shameful for wanting all that. My life has come full circle throughout the life of this blog. From homelessness to being homed in a house of my very own! A car! A dog! And the love of my life! I should just be glad I am not back in that tent over at God's country drinking myself silly every night with no direction what-so-ever in my life. I owe my parents a huge debt of gratitude despite all the many misgivings I have about them! I am so ahead of the game it's not funny.
17 comments:
Part of being a parent is you help your children when they need it. That’s what family is all about or at least it’s supposed to be. I understand about needing to find a job, you want to stand on your two feet; you want to have some control over your life. You are heading in the right direction. The right job will come when it's time.
Andrew, I think this is one of my favorite posts ever. :) Please read it again on the days you get the urge to become a "tent person".
Hugs....
Cindi Ann
I very much appreciate the reminder to count blessings, Andrew.
Yes, you have a lot compared to others. But... it truly is ok to want more for yourself. It's not necessarily wanting more, but only to better yourself. It's a good thing to want to do that. Really!
Look at it as self improvement.
Sweet dreams.
You have so much to be thankful for and I know you realize that, just enjoy all of them. You are so fortunate to have parents that care about you and are concerned for you and have made sure you are in a nice home, and have transportation, food and all the necessities of life. :-) I soooo glad you got your car back!
It's human nature to want more and you're ahead of the game by just realizing what you have.
Bless you Andrew. It is good to set goals for yourself, we all do.
Have a good day tomorrow.
Lena
I agree with summer. You are not selfish to want more for your self. Its only human to want to keep moving forward and not remain stagnant in our current situations. The important thing is you are aware of your blessing and you are grateful for them.
AMEN!!!
sharyna
Your list of "wants" seemed so responsible as opposed to selfish. I find that noble.
Take care,
Deb
Andrew, I cannot fathom your life or it's challanges. But I have to tell you, your courage to keep moving foward is inspiring not only to me but the scores of followers that can't stop reading. We are champions for your success!
Andrew, I believe that you can be thankful for what you have while at the same time striving to better yourself. And that's exactly the balance you are striking!
I'll be sending positive vibes to you for tomorrow's vocational meeting.
Muttonfish
Everything is falling into place as it should. Your parents have helped you - their child, as they should.
You have worked hard in your recovery, and helped others (blog readers and your friends nearby and other AA members, and your neighbour)along the way.
You are a pretty amazing man.
The things that you want now are not selfish at all Andrew, they are indicative of your strength and your hope.
Cheers 2 U.
You are so prolific when I'm not paying attention! Add that we all love you to your list of blessings and remember what's already been said...that wanting to better your lot in life is far from selfish. I think its very brave of you to want to venture back into the workplace and wish you the best of luck in the world.
((((hugs))))
Andrew, go ahead and want all you want.
I love your blog. It has given me some much-needed insight. Our daughter has been through many of the same trials and tribulations. She's been the subject of many a behind-her-back discussion by other family members. She calls this meeting of the tut-tutters and worriers, "The Committee." I love it.
For years, our mantra has been, "Why doesn't she just----?" Now I realize: it's because she can't. BTW, she is in her 40's now and is doing quite well, but it was a long time coming.
You are so normal wanting independance. We all want that and there's nothing unusual about the things you want.
Andrew I have an idea that may work for you. You have a great skill at photography, you are very internet savvy and you have great knack for writing descriptions.
I've seen over time that Charlie has exquisite taste in some of the things that gives you. Why not have Charlie find things for you and you put them on ebay (with your excellent photography and descriptions) and you and Charlie split the profit?
It could be very lucrative for you and you wouldn't have to give up your Social Security and Medicare Insurance. You also wouldn't have to deal with people face to face either.
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