"Dad I am not ready for the money yet," I told my father tonight.
"What's wrong?" he asked as he sighed relieved.
"I just need some more time," I replied.
I didn't want to go into the particulars of why I didn't want the money tonight. I don't want to add fuel to the fire that is my incompetence.
"I am so proud of you," he told me. "You are like a different man."
It is going to be a good night. Coast to Coast AM is on the radio. My good blogging computer has decided to boot tonight. Maggie is on the bed playing with her plush cow toy. I feel like a thousand boulders have been lifted off my shoulders. Like Atlas bearing the weight of the whole world, I trudge ever forward in this so-called life. Sometimes bumbling. Sometimes as svelte as velvet.
10 comments:
I'm glad you spoke up and said you weren't ready yet. That takes courage and strength. Good luck.
i feel your no sleep pain. i try taking sedatives and still can't sleep :(
congrats on almost 150 days! you've changed. i can see it in the way you write. and it's good. very good.
Congratulations, Andrew! You are doing so well. Your strength and bravery are inspirational.
Good morning! I hope today will find you one step closer to feeling better. When is your next shot due? Don't forget to speak with your dr. regarding the shortfall of your meds. This can be fixed and next month you might be more ready for some new responsibilities. Don't believe that when people ask how you are, they really don't care. Some do, just as you care when you ask. Have a great day.
You are a wise man. You amaze me! I know your father is so proud of you.
If you had taken the money when you really weren't ready things could have gone downhill rather quickly. Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to know you needed more time. ac
It is great that you can acknowledge that you need more time. that takes self awareness. good going :) Maybe in time you could try small amounts ( five or ten dollars?)
the sleeping thing freaks me out when i cannot get to sleep - part of my depression episode. glad you can listen to radio!
take care to you and Maggie.
I hope that you can be proud of yourself for doing or not doing what you should or should not do right now. You really show in your words and actions that you are really working on your sobriety.I hope that you have a really great day.
I hope and pray that this day brings you closer to feeling strong, and free of ugly thoughts. My faith in you is enormous, but we know that cant undergurd you, so my prayers will have to do. Let us know how you are doing!
B~
I wonder if you could go shopping with your dad for the things you want to buy? Then again, it sounds like he's always busy. What would you like to buy? Besides your sleep-aides, that is. I'll be getting my stimulus incentive soon. I should be patriotic and spend it, right? I'd love a SLR, but would I use it enough to justify the expense?
I'm so glad for your relief! I can relate.
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