Taking Liberties...

I didn't want to be at work.  My mind was busy.  I felt confused.  I grabbed tonight's deliveries and I left, saying good night to everyone.  Most of my deliveries were to the nursing home tonight so that made it a one stop affair.  I felt so guilty, though, for using my status as the bosses son to leave early.  No one said a word to me edgewise.   No one would dare.

"Not a good way to build trust with your coworkers," I told myself gratingly as I drove up the road to the nursing home.

I had never been so glad to walk in my house a moment ago.  I quickly put on my most comfortable clothes, petted Maggie, and lit a soothing cigarette.  Dr. Laura is playing on my computer and every TV is on in this house.  I realized this would be prime drinking time.  Anything to change my current reality to make myself feel better.  I self medicated for most of my adult life trying to get through these terrible little storms of the mind.  I feel somewhat better for having gone on in and at least having done the deliveries.  I didn't leave Angie, my father's co-pharmacist, hanging.

God, I want a drink something terribly tonight.  It is almost all encompassing.  It is time to get to an AA meeting.  We have a sobriety group meeting at 7 PM just 5 minutes from my house.  If I can just get up the courage to go.