I am not feeling well today. Stress and tension tends to make my symptoms flair up. My mind is a whirl of jumbled thoughts and worries. I woke up at 5 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. Outside was pitch black dark. I sat in my lazy boy drinking a cup of coffee and feeling restless. I couldn’t get comfortable and I started to pace around my apartment. I picked up a book I am currently reading and couldn’t concentrate on the words so I put it down. I hate days like today.
I also felt very badly for my harsh words in that email I sent yesterday. I really am not a mean spirited person. I let Rachel push my buttons and shouldn’t. Just because she hurts me doesn’t mean I should return the treatment in kind. I should be a better person and turn away. I sent an email this morning apologizing for my harsh words and told her maybe it is best to limit our contact with each other to a minimum.
I want to go back to sleep but when I lay down I toss and turn. I want so very much to just escape into my dreams and not face the day. I wish I had something to take that would knock me out. I am out of my samples of zyprexa. If I had some I would take two and it would knock me out for the rest of the day. I think I will walk over to my mothers and borrow a couple from her. I just need to rest and get some sleep to feel better.
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