“David is here,” Carolyn told me as I picked up the phone. “He just showed up unexpectedly. He’s hungry and brought a shit load of laundry for me to do.”
“Oh,” I said. “Then you be with him. You are a mother first.”
“You sure?” She asked me hesitatingly from the other end of the phone. “I know you have to be disappointed about today. You wanted so much to go to that train shop.”
“I am sure there is something I can find to do today,” I replied. “You be with your son.”
I’ve never dated someone with kids so this was a delicate situation. My ex-wife couldn’t have children. I will never come between Carolyn and her son’s relationship. I do feel awkward sometimes with me and David being so close in age though. Carolyn has told me before that he thinks our relationship is “odd” and that I’m even “odder” as I don’t know how to act around him.
My father then called me not long after I hung up the phone with Carolyn. My phone number has been popular lately for a guy with phobias surrounding the phone and talking on it.
“War Eagle!” He said as he greeted me.
“War damn Eagle,” I replied.
“Can you do me a favor today?” He asked.
“Sure.”
“Ride over to God’s country and check on the pond and the land. I haven’t been able to get over there in weeks and we need to start keeping an eye on it during hunting season.”
“I’m headed that way,” I said as I hung up the phone, grabbed my hiking boots and coat, and left the house.
We own about 144 acres of prime piney woods upon which a very large pond sits near Waverly, Alabama. I grew up exploring all that acreage as a child and the landscape is like a familiar friend to me. I should get over there more often. The legend is that one of my great, great uncles would eat potato peels for his meals so he could save money from not buying too many groceries to buy more land. It has been passed down in the family and never sold and selling it is taboo. “They don’t make more land,” Dad often said in my youth about it.
It was a beautiful day out in God’s country. The leaves are just now getting their full fall color this far south and the slightest breezes causes them to cascade down upon the ground in a beautiful version of nature’s kaleidoscope.
As I walked back onto the farthest reaches of our property, I noted all the many millions of spiders that had spun thousands of silken webs amidst the pines trees that glistened in the low afternoon winter sun. I had to hold out a large stick in front of me to not get a face full of spider web and spider every few steps. This happens every fall about this time. I also noted the age of the trees and that they need to be cut and replanted soon. It looks like my father will be buying a new car again soon funded by the sale of pulpwood and lumber.
I then sat on the dock upon the pond for the longest time watching as the fish would float by doing what fish normally do as I smoked cigarettes and thought. This inescapable feeling of loneliness overcame me while I sat. I looked at my reflection in the water and didn’t see me. I saw a scared little boy who didn’t know what to do with the rest of his life and who never grew up. I sighed, stood up, slung my day pack over my shoulder, and then drove on home listening to football games as the sun set a brilliant orange.
7 comments:
My sister works with schizophrenic people. She loves her job. Over ther years as a social worker, she's focussed on a variety of groups, but always says that schizophrenics are her favorite.
"They're fun. They're smart and with them you're never bored," she tells me.
Here's to hoping your life is magical.
Nature is good for you. You remind me of another man I know who is a gardener. Working the soil is his religion; it's what bring him into relationship with that which is larger than one's self.
I'm reminded at the moment of a song that I once played for my father (who wasn't "schizophrenic, but did teach me how to love the great outdoors). I don't mind sharing it in his spirit ...
There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and Kings
This he said to me:
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return.
~ Nat King Cole
You should never be ashamed of who you are. People read your blog because it's interesting to them and, if they are like me, wonder how one survives in an unstable world when they have additional challenges to work through. It takes strength of character. You are indeed special.
Write for you, not for others.
I do believe that you are quite grown up...and you handle everything wonderfully. I only wish I had half the patience you have!
You are an inspiration Jonathon!
Toodles, my friend!
this was so beatiful.. i can iamgine the quiet and just the sounds of nature and leaves underfoot, and raching that still lake and sitting by it.. envy this calm.
exceptional typos on the comment above, excusi.
I know that feeling of looking in the mirror, (or pond in your case), and seeing a scared kid with no idea of what to do.
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