This morning, I went to the 10am AA meeting -- the “church” meeting held in Lagrange. We talked about making amends and promptly admitting when we were wrong – that it was so key to staying sober. A few weeks ago, when I was drinking, I stole a nice gold watch out of my father’s BMW. I was going to sell it for more beer and Benadryl. Dad hasn’t missed it, but when I sobered up, I felt terrible. I called dad a moment ago and told him about it. I told him I would give it back tonight.
“Did I just do the wrong thing?” I asked my father. “I fear I caused more harm than good to our relationship by telling you. You haven’t missed it and probably would have never known for months.”
My father can be kind of clueless about his material possessions and is prone to lose things.
“No,” he replied excitedly. “It is a sign to me that you are doing better. That watch was a cherished gift from your sister and I would like to have it back.”
I don’t want to be the proverbial AA bull in the china shop, but I wanted to make amends to my father. I feel guilty, now, because I did it to make myself feel better (I felt so terribly guilty) and not the main goal of giving dad his watch back. Did I just do the wrong thing? I fear so. I probably ruined dad’s day.
12 comments:
andrew,
This is the reason for a sponsor. You would have discussed it with him BEFORE making the amends to make sure it was appropriate to your DAD. THe steps are in a certain order for a reason. Sponsors are a "guide" for trudgin life sober. I urge you to get one asap.
hugs and love to you !
PS...your dad does forgive you, so please forgive yourself.
hmm i deleted my first one accidentaly. Your father is not mad at you infact he is probably proud of you because you were ablee to do it. Where as years ago you would not.
My husband was schziophrenic and even though he did some horrible things i always forgave him and understood. Unfortuanlty life just got to be to much for him.
I look forward to reading your blog and read it several times a day
kellyann
You did the right thing by giving it back!
You should be proud of yourself. You did the right thing, honesty is always correct. Don't second guess your motives. I'm sure your father is happy that you confessed it to him. It's a sign that you cherish your relationship with him and that you want it to flourish in a healthy way. How can he help but appreciate that? He said it's a sign to him that you're doing better. He wouldn't have said that if he felt otherwise. You did good, don't worry. xoxo
You certainly did the right thing Andrew...I honestly believe you would not have got any peace if you didn't tell him...because you are an honourable man, & you love your Father..It is yet more proof of how far you have travelled in your road to recovery..BECAUSE, it would have been pretty easy to find a way to have just put it back in the car..and he would never have known (you said he hadn't missed it)...the fact that you Chose to admit it, shows your honesty..your Dad couldn't help but appreciate that, i'm sure..Well done Andrew.
Think of the whole incident as a kind of test. You passed, Dad passed. You did the right thing after having done the wrong thing.
Dad is glad that you did the right thing and he is glad to have back this watch which has sentimental value.
Both of you can be glad that Miss Martha did not have to have a part in this little episode. Put it behind you as a growing experience.
You should never have put yourself into the position where you had to ask for his forgivness. You can't beat yourself up over it because you did make it right, which really takes a lot of character. But, Andrew, you are too good a person to stoop to stealing.
If you can quit sugar and caffeine, then you can quit stealing to get a cheap thrill, too!
Next time you're tempted to do something that dire for a thrill, just go to mom and get a couple of Pepsi's - They're in the basement!
I still love ya,
Grannie
If a sponsee asked me the same I might have suggested just leaving it in the car someplace if your dad is in the habit of misplacing things. Why? Because it seems like the least stressful option for all. Less drama.
Having said that, your dad is more than aware of your irrational side effects of the medication and alcohol so it may not have come as too much of a shock to discover that you took the watch.
My advice would be to run these ideas past another person first in future. Just to be on the safe side.
It is not usually a good idea to act on impulse, and it does no harm to check things out with other people.
If you cannot find someone in AA to ask, you could ask ppl on the blog.
Regardless of your motive, it cannot have been easy having that conversation, so for that you deserve credit.
It's never the wrong choice to confess what you have done to make it right. Even if your father had a rip roaring fit, you are not responsible for his actions or how he deals with life's trials and tribulations.
Good for you, Andrew!
The wrong thing had already happened. You did the right thing today. I don't feel you did it to make yourself feel better because you could have just put it somewhere in your parents house where Dad would find it and accomplished the same end as far as that. You are growing every day.
You definitely did the right thing. There is a part of him, I'm sure, that is a bit disappointed, but there is a much bigger part that is proud of you for owning up to your mistake. Being honest, even when it's the hardest thing to do, is ALWAYS the right thing to do. It says something about your character. Admitting your mistakes helps you in the future to not make the same mistake again. If you sweep it under the rug and never admit to yourself or to your father, then somehow it never really happened, and that somehow says to your brain that it's okay to do it again. Admitting our mistakes helps to not make them again. I'm very proud of you... telling the truth, as hard as it is, is always the right thing to do. :-)
Out of all the people in the world, I think you're one of my favorites. You're a good man, Andrew. Don't let your weaknesses or your mental interesting days tell you otherwise.
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