Y’all I struggled all day yesterday with my mental illness. I felt extreme anxiety and like I was going to panic all day. It was the most horrible and crazy feeling. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I paced the floors of my house for hours and hours all day until I could walk no more trying to walk off the anxiety. My legs were so sore this morning when I got up that I could barely walk. I walked feverishly and crazily – at an unheard of rate. Dad says mom has gotten up too much stuff to do for me and her. Mom has had me do something everyday since my birthday. She is on a high. Today is my eye doctor’s exam and appointment on top of everything I’ve had to do lately. Mom was obsessing yesterday that I wouldn’t be able to make it to my appointment because of my anxiety. It seems I will have to go just to appease her. I want to cancel and to just have a quiet day at home.
It is going to be a light blogging day until I get to feeling better. I apologize, but I just don’t feel well and it is hard for me to blog when I get like this. I haven’t felt this unwell in about a year. I was so disconcerted last night on the phone with mom that I started to cry.
“Sweetheart, don’t cry,” mom said so worried. “I am calling your father now to bring you extra medicine to take.”
“I just don’t want to go back to living like this,” I told her sobbing. “I’ve done so well lately and it has spoiled me.”
Dad brought me two extra Klonopin to take last night and that helped. I slept really good last night. Let’s hope this anxiety eases up some today and I can get back to normal. I will talk to you all again in a few days when I get to feeling better. I hope you have a great day.
5 comments:
Geez, that sucks! I hope you feel better soon. Be kind to yourself.
Andrew, I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well. I hope that you start feeling better today. I can't imagine the struggle you must go through when you start feeling this way. I know how I feel when I'm in situations that I tend to get anxious in, it must be hard to live your life with that kind of anxiety day in and day out. Take it easy for a few days, we'll all be here when you get back. Take care of yourself.
I'm so sorry you are feeling fragile Andrew..i hope you feel better very soon. Take it easy now and just rest..couldn't you talk to your Mom and explain that it is the rushing around the past few days that a made you feel this way.and that you will feel better when you have had a couple of days to yourself?..These things happen, i'm sure you will feel better after a 'chill out time' and your blogging friends will still be around when you get back...love to you & Maggie.
Oh, no! Hope it passes soon.
i know that feeling that you are describing and it is horrible to feel that way. be good to yoursellf. do what you need to do to take care of yourself. the eye doctor can wait. i have to go to an eye doctor the end of this month and am already nervous about it i am going to a place that i have not gone to before. anyway it is not about me but i will say that you can do this and stay sober. take great care of yourself. liz
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