My Thoughts for the End of the Blogging Day…

Online AA Meetings…

A friend wrote to me today that an online AA meeting was just no substitute for a real world meeting – that you couldn't discern body language and also the inflections in someone's voice.  They sure are convenient, though, but I agreed with him.  They are certainly no substitute.  I find myself daydreaming about Heineken tonight much to my alarm.  Were there is a will, there is a way, and I could always find a drink if I wanted to.  I could always call George and say I needed some money for Cokes. 

I attended an online meeting this afternoon.  We discussed how alcoholics have trouble with relationships.  At least, we tried to.  It was rather chaotic with many people trying to change the subject and talking out of turn.  Socially, I am retarded I have finally realized.  Mom’s mother’s side of the family was as well and that’s where I get it from. They are all very “interesting” people and I use the quotes loosely.   It is strange how I can be so gregarious on the Internet and won’t answer the phone at home or answer the door most days.  Dad says I am a hermit.  He also likes to call Mom and I royalty – that we are too good to receive subjects.  It’s his way of making light of a more severe deficiency in our character.

There are medications you can take for social anxiety.  Paxil is one.  I have found Paxil only made me more sexually impotent and did nothing for my social anxieties.  You know what can make me social?  A six pack of beer, and that’s why drinking can be so dangerous for me.  By drinking, I medicate myself and my problems.  The problem is that I can’t just have a six pack and feel comfortably numb.  I have to have a case of beer and wake up the next morning not even remembering the experience.  It is a shame, really.  I would like to drink like a normal person – to have two glasses of wine or a beer and be content. 

Total abstinence is the only way for me.  This little passage from AA sums me up to a T and how I must live my life. 

At the same time, it will be pointed out that all available medical testimony indicates that alcoholism is a progressive illness, that it cannot be cured in the ordinary sense of the term, but that it can be arrested through total abstinence from alcohol in any form.

Cool Free Software…

What cool free software do you use on a daily basis?  I have learned that there is almost always a free program for about anything you want to do computer wise.  Here is a list of some free software I use on a daily basis and couldn't live without. 

• Linux Ubuntu – Linux Ubuntu is a free operating system based on the Linux kernel.  I can dual boot between Ubuntu and Windows 7 on my main computer these days and find myself using Ubuntu much of the time when I am just browsing, twittering or listening to music.
• Windows Live Writer – I couldn’t blog without this.  It is as easy as opening the program, writing a post in a expansive window of view, and hitting publish.  None of that wonky Blogger dashboard bullshit.  I rarely even open the blogger dashboard these days. 
• Mozilla Thunderbird – I use this as my email program.  I have Outlook 2007 and found it bloated and hard to use.  Thunderbird is simple, does the job, and checks all my email accounts.
• Gimp – I use this to edit my photos these days.  I have a trial copy of Photoshop, but wasn’t about to pay 600 dollars or more for a photo editing program.  Dad would crap in his pants if I asked for such a thing.
• iTunes – iTunes is free, but most people think you have to have an iPod or an account to use it.  I will admit it is one of the more bloated programs I use, but I do use it to organize my extensive music library.  It is easy to categorize by artist and album with the program.  
• TweetDeck – I couldn't live without this as far as Twitter is concerned.  It helps me keep up with when I am mentioned and my direct messages which I can be bad about checking.  It is fun to watch people Tweet all day – their desires, their likes. It’s an interesting place to be.  

Anonymous Comments… 

I’ve had many people come to me lately and say they want to comment, but don’t have a blogger account.  I am kind of miffed why someone can’t just sign up for a simple Google account, but I try to understand.  My biggest detriment to anonymous comments is the spam I get and I get tons of it when I open them up.  We will try this again and see how it works.  If I start getting tons of spam again then I will take them down.  Play nice my negative minions!  I have an ego and emotional state of glass! LOL (I can actually defend myself pretty nicely.)